What should the process for dating be?

[SingularityOne]

How long should one date until they get engaged?
How long should one be engaged for?
Being Christian, it’s pretty difficult to wait for a long time. But, also you don’t want to rush it.

Thoughts?

 

[Augustus_Principe]

I believe this topic has been brought up before, but I will post the same video I have posted before on this thread:




It's been a while since I listened to this talk, but as far as your questions go, the whole process from Date number 1 till marriage should be 1 year. Ideally, you get to know the woman in 3-6 months, get engaged in month 6 and get married 6 months later. As you pointed out, it is difficult to stay chaste with a woman, especially if this is an area you have struggled with in the past. However, if you take precautions, are virtuous and are serious about meeting a woman who will be ideal for marriage, you should be able to hold out for 1 year. The key to this is not being near the occasion of sin, ie "netflix and chilling" in each others house alone, being alone for extended periods of time outside of the home, passionate kissing, etc. Seeing how most of us used to be fornicators, I think we all know what leads to fornication...so don't do those things. The maximum amount of time should be 2 years. If you are not married by year 2, leave. This is true whether it's a Christian courtship or secular dating.

 

[joost]

Any tips on finding a virgin girl? I don't mind traveling. But no Asians or Africans please.

 

[belchmech]

@joost, if you can stand persians check out Armenia from what I here (despite the religious differences the Armenians and Iranians are closely related on the genetic level, with the exception of the diaspora).

 

[stugatz]

I think that one year minimum is when you can get engaged, but keep in mind I’m a pretty worldly guy who has only recently come back to the church, so that might be some of my old beliefs coming to the surface.

Anyone who has been dating someone for say 4, 5 years with no forward movement needs to figure out where it’s going and fast. Three years would even be a bit much for me.

 

[TheMoralLaw]

Just FYI (and maybe not the question asked) but the spiritual counsels pre-Vatican II called for *no* dating unless the man was financially able to support a family. Anything less is simply a dalliance. Teenagers and young adults may and are even encouraged by some, to go out in large co-ed groups where they can develop intersexual general familiarity and communication skills. And also perhaps catch the eye of a young man who will become super-motivated to work extra hard to become financially responsible enough to win the heart of a certain girl in the group.

 

[SingularityOne]

I believe this topic has been brought up before, but I will post the same video I have posted before on this thread:




It's been a while since I listened to this talk, but as far as your questions go, the whole process from Date number 1 till marriage should be 1 year. Ideally, you get to know the woman in 3-6 months, get engaged in month 6 and get married 6 months later. As you pointed out, it is difficult to stay chaste with a woman, especially if this is an area you have struggled with in the past. However, if you take precautions, are virtuous and are serious about meeting a woman who will be ideal for marriage, you should be able to hold out for 1 year. The key to this is not being near the occasion of sin, ie "netflix and chilling" in each others house alone, being alone for extended periods of time outside of the home, passionate kissing, etc. Seeing how most of us used to be fornicators, I think we all know what leads to fornication...so don't do those things. The maximum amount of time should be 2 years. If you are not married by year 2, leave. This is true whether it's a Christian courtship or secular dating.

I've seen this video and have actually watched half of it. I'll finish it. Thanks for linking.

Yeah, I definitely want to keep it to one year max. Probably get engaged 7 months in from what we have talked about expectations-wise if it works out. She's a unicorn, so to speak... so I honestly don't see why I would wait too long.

 

[SingularityOne]

Just FYI (and maybe not the question asked) but the spiritual counsels pre-Vatican II called for *no* dating unless the man was financially able to support a family. Anything less is simply a dalliance. Teenagers and young adults may and are even encouraged by some, to go out in large co-ed groups where they can develop intersexual general familiarity and communication skills. And also perhaps catch the eye of a young man who will become super-motivated to work extra hard to become financially responsible enough to win the heart of a certain girl in the group.

I agree, as I'm finishing up grad school this is something that's been on my mind. Finding a job after graduation is my first mission.

 

[Roosh]

Here's a great series of lectures by Father Josiah Trenham on this topic: http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/frjosiah_holycross06.aspx

 

[westernman]

Just FYI (and maybe not the question asked) but the spiritual counsels pre-Vatican II called for *no* dating unless the man was financially able to support a family. Anything less is simply a dalliance. Teenagers and young adults may and are even encouraged by some, to go out in large co-ed groups where they can develop intersexual general familiarity and communication skills. And also perhaps catch the eye of a young man who will become super-motivated to work extra hard to become financially responsible enough to win the heart of a certain girl in the group.

So the 19-year-old who has been dating his high school girlfriend for 2 years and are both working towards a family, that's dalliance?

This whole thread is overthinking way too much. We live in a fallen society. You cant apply these absolutes unless you have a cohesive society. The rule should be to find a girl, marry her, have kids.

 

[roncadillac]

I think that one year minimum is when you can get engaged, but keep in mind I’m a pretty worldly guy who has only recently come back to the church, so that might be some of my old beliefs coming to the surface.

Anyone who has been dating someone for say 4, 5 years with no forward movement needs to figure out where it’s going and fast. Three years would even be a bit much for me.

That pretty much rules out any girl on the planet from now... unless she already knows whats up (vakseens) or you want mongoloid kids.

 

[TheMoralLaw]

So the 19-year-old who has been dating his high school girlfriend for 2 years and are both working towards a family, that's dalliance?

This whole thread is overthinking way too much. We live in a fallen society. You cant apply these absolutes unless you have a cohesive society. The rule should be to find a girl, marry her, have kids.

Tactical denial; ignorance of basic moral categories; sweeping statements; self-proving statement; self-aggrandizement

 

[belchmech]

That pretty much rules out any girl on the planet from now... unless she already knows whats up (vakseens) or you want mongoloid kids.

I'll take (genuine) mongoloid kids, that nice 1/3 russian and 2/3 mongol DNA means they'll be plenty ferocious.

 

[datdude84]

I'm a strong believer that living together for some period of time is necessary. I don't think you get a true sense of who they are as a person until you look behind the curtain.

 

[Roosh]

I'm a strong believer that living together for some period of time is necessary. I don't think you get a true sense of who they are as a person until you look behind the curtain.

Did that belief come from you or from your Church?

 

[belchmech]

Did that belief come from you or from your Church?

Such beliefs will continue to hold Roosh until men see family court houses being burned...with the judges and lawyers inside them. Once the open hand is bitten once it is rarely extended so freely again.

 

[Eusebius Erasmus]

I'm a strong believer that living together for some period of time is necessary. I don't think you get a true sense of who they are as a person until you look behind the curtain.

Living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce once married. Even secular studies acknowledge this fact.

Could this be due to selection bias (that is, religious people don’t live together and hence don’t divorce)? Possibly, but why would you gamble on that with something as important as marriage?

There is a reason that almost every advanced civilization proscribes pre-marital cohabitation.

 

[Seeker79]

Living together before marriage increases the risk of divorce once married. Even secular studies acknowledge this fact.

Could this be due to selection bias (that is, religious people don’t live together and hence don’t divorce)? Possibly, but why would you gamble on that with something as important as marriage?

There is a reason that almost every advanced civilization proscribes pre-marital cohabitation.

This exactly. Living together before marriage is basically marriage without official government seal or Church sanction. This is why common law marriage regulations exist.

To me living together or having sex before getting married in Church before the eyes of God is a sin.

 

[Cast2e]

How long should one date until they get engaged?
How long should one be engaged for?
Being Christian, it’s pretty difficult to wait for a long time. But, also you don’t want to rush it.

Thoughts?

In my local community, 3 months seems to be typical before getting engaged. And marriage is quickly after, probably within a month.

The no sex/intimacy is tough hence why people get married after 3 months but w/o sex you get the clarity to know if this person is right for you without emotions clouding you.

I like it this way rather than the way secular society teaches. Feels much more calmer, straightforward and less dramatic.