Rob Banks
Pelican
I understand this to be true. But nevertheless, if I were to advise her to leave her baby's father and then the father disappeared and abandoned the child, I would feel extremely guilty.
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What to do if child conceived in adultery with married man?
- Thread starter Rob Banks
- Start date
Starlight
Robin
That’s not really what I meant. You should advise her to seek Christ. Once she knows Christ, the rest will take care of itself, however that may be.
Rob Banks
Pelican
It is easy to find a "Christ" (i.e. a church) in the large metropolitan city where she lives that will tell her "It's OK, you're not doing anything wrong."
It's better than not telling her to seek Christ at all. If she finds a church that teaches a false Christ, then the need for the real Christ is not quenched by that church, and she may start digging deeper one day.
third_eldest
Sparrow
Then compile a list of the churches within her area that you know have good doctrine and recommend only those places to her. I would recommend what's often referred to as a reformed church. (This isn't to be confused with what can rightly be considered compromised mainstream Protestantism.) I don't trust mainstream Catholicism either, because although there are many well meaning Catholic priests and practitioners, it is my opinion that the high authority of the catholic church is currently compromised, and given their highly centralized top-down hierarchy, this is definitely going to lead to schisms in the near future. I don't know much about the Orthodox church, but they seem more prepared for the current demonic attacks taking place within our culture, and I wish I could say the same for many of my Protestant and Catholic brothers.
The most important thing in a church is emphasis on the authority of scripture above all things, in addition to community that provides loving yet truthful accountability. These communities will be far more resistant to demonic attacks and worldly lies.
Kitty Tantrum
Robin
If this woman were to make the decision, and follow through with her actions, to step away from the (technically) adulterous relationship until and unless he divorces his wife and marries her... and the man in question decided to ABANDON HIS CHILD because of that... I do not see this as being in any way the woman's fault. I would see this as evidence of what this man in question has already demonstrated: he's only involved in the lives of his children insofar as it is convenient and beneficial to him. Otherwise why did he let his wife run off with his older kids in the first place?
My ex-husband/kids' dad loved to play at being the super-involved dad... when it was easy. But he's never ACTUALLY placed the kids' needs, or his responsibility to teach them and raise them and develop a healthy attachment with them, above his own wants and whims. He up and moved 800 miles away from them for cheaper rent and a better social life. He loves to pay lipservice on social media to the importance of fatherhood, dads' parental rights, etc.... but in reality, no matter how many times he says "omg I miss them so muuuuch" to anyone who will listen and fawn over what a wonderful father he must be... he hardly ever calls to talk to them between visits (which are months apart). Buys all sorts of expensive crap for himself and pays as little in child support as I let him get away with. No REAL EFFORT above and beyond the bare minimum. He talks to them when HE NEEDS an "emotional fix," and that's pretty much it.
Based on my own experiences, I would not advise this woman to give much weight to the possibility that the man might abandon her and their child if she insists on taking the appropriate steps to make the relationship legitimate.
Is that kind of man worth taking any exceptional action, or making any substantial moral compromise, to keep around in the first place?
I don't think so.
My ex-husband/kids' dad loved to play at being the super-involved dad... when it was easy. But he's never ACTUALLY placed the kids' needs, or his responsibility to teach them and raise them and develop a healthy attachment with them, above his own wants and whims. He up and moved 800 miles away from them for cheaper rent and a better social life. He loves to pay lipservice on social media to the importance of fatherhood, dads' parental rights, etc.... but in reality, no matter how many times he says "omg I miss them so muuuuch" to anyone who will listen and fawn over what a wonderful father he must be... he hardly ever calls to talk to them between visits (which are months apart). Buys all sorts of expensive crap for himself and pays as little in child support as I let him get away with. No REAL EFFORT above and beyond the bare minimum. He talks to them when HE NEEDS an "emotional fix," and that's pretty much it.
Based on my own experiences, I would not advise this woman to give much weight to the possibility that the man might abandon her and their child if she insists on taking the appropriate steps to make the relationship legitimate.
Is that kind of man worth taking any exceptional action, or making any substantial moral compromise, to keep around in the first place?
I don't think so.
This whole thread is based on a Catholic view of Scripture. A view that many strongly disagree with as being harmful and unscriptural. There is no adultery here, by Scriptural standards. The woman was single. The man's marital status is irrelevant. They're willing to stay together and keep the baby. There is no advice to give to the female; just be supportive so the child can grow up in an intact home.
Sounds like the man had a bad marriage but stuck it out, now he's trying again, with the benefit of lessons learned. If you sabotage it, you are evil.
Sounds like the man had a bad marriage but stuck it out, now he's trying again, with the benefit of lessons learned. If you sabotage it, you are evil.
dragonfire00
Sparrow
She should not continue sleeping with him in fears that he'd abandon them? That doesn't make sense, he would clearly have no problem abandoning anyone at any time as he's already an adulterer. The only advice I'd give is for her to stop seeing him and discuss fair co-parenting options. If they (but let's be real here- HE) WANT to pursue a marriage and he is repentant they should talk to someone at their church who I'd expect would tell them what they don't want to hear, and there would be mistrust from the get-go, so it probably wouldn't be worth it. In my experience women involved in these kind of hot messes are the high conflict/drama type and no advice you'd give would matter.