What to do if you discover live-in GF went on a date with a man?

Dream Medicine

Robin
Gold Member
I am only responding to this because Enigma was well-regarded for his posts on RVF 1.0 and I remember getting value from some of them.

It says a lot about some people's character in this thread that they mock another man's misfortune.
@Enigma if you're going to make assumptions about my character among others, at least address me directly. No need to beat around the bush.

1. You seem to be taking a leap in assuming I was mocking someone's misfortune. I was trying to use humour (as hard as it may be to recognize here) to demonstrate how the OP's "friend" is not actually his friend, with one implication being that dozens of RVF members may be wasting their time trying to help someone who either doesn't exist or won't listen to anyone's advice.

What remains of my posting history at RVF 2.0, along with the 80+ RVF members I've met, can speak to my character and how I regard others' misfortunes. You may get more mileage from your moral judgement by redirecting it to the credibility of this thread or to those in countless other threads saying things like "they deserved it".

2. I encourage you to review the thread I linked above and other posts from the "friend", MovingForward2020, while considering how much advice he has received (a lot) and how much action he has taken based on this advice (none, from what I can see). Even after recieving clear direction from multiple posters that his woman raises more red flags than a CCP parade, he listened to nobody... and now she is pregnant.

By the way, this is just a random story and could be a trolling campaign for all we know.

3. Some people seek out help here not because they really want advice and change, but rather because they want validation and support.

Taking on personal feedback can be confronting, and serious change isn't easy, I get that. So being patient with sincere newbies is often key in mentoring. But lots of members here take precious time out to help fellow members when they call out for advice. And self-centred behavior that wastes others' time - like seeking advice that won't ever be actioned, concocting ridiculous stories, or misleading members about a "friend" - isn't something I'll be reinforcing.

If you want to try giving assistance online to people who are insincere and/or never listen... well that is your call. I hope this clarifies everything.
 

Waverer

Robin
I am happy to be judged guilty of gently mocking people with terrible judgement. Levity makes a refreshing change sometimes from nothing but po-faced criticism.

Dream Medicine, do you mind spelling out what you are saying so the rest of us can follow? Are you saying that MovingForward has made his friend up, created a new account and posted the original post here? You may think the vague wording you are using is more tactful - but I think it's just making the thread very tough to follow.
 

bmw633

Robin
Sad how men can get entangled with women who have less-than-honorable intentions, financial messes, and/or have personality disorders/mental illness, and think they are Captain Save-A-Hoe, able to fix the sometimes impossible problems and cirumstances that these women largely create all by themselves.

35 years ago, I wish I had someone give me the same advice I gave to my friend. Maybe someone wiser will listen and heed good counsel after reading this thread.

It is a hell of a lot easier to learn from others' mistakes, than to go through and deal with it firsthand.

Ask me how I know.....
 
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Enigma

Hummingbird
Gold Member
@Dream Medicine

I didn't address you directly because you're not the only person doing it.

And how is it a leap? By your own admission, you were using humor to attack his character and call him a troll. That's mocking.

You could be right that he's ignoring advice. But as others have pointed out, the Philippines has been on strict lockdown for like 6+ months. People can barely leave their house.

Another forum member who's in the Philippines was recently telling me that he's had a motorbike stuck in the next town over this whole time because he simply can't go there. He was considering flying back to the US, but the hour ferry ride to the city costs as much as the flight home.

In other words, you don't know that this guy is purposely ignoring advice. It may be difficult for him to leave now. He may be going through a rough time mentally, as many people are. He may be short on cash.

He could just be hardheaded. Many men are when it comes to these kinds of situations.

Or maybe he is a troll. Lay out your case.

I get that we all liked to laugh about "betas" and "cucks" on RVF 1.0, but it seems like we can show a little more patience and compassion in RVF 2.0. If you feel you're wasting time by giving advice, don't give advice. There's definitely a place for being critical, for dishing out some tough love. But I don't see what the gifs, laughing emojis, etc. accomplish.

It just comes across as mean-spirited. If that wasn't your intention, then I take back what I said. And I appreciate you taking the time to clarify.
 

EndlessGravity

Woodpecker
I get that we all liked to laugh about "betas" and "cucks" on RVF 1.0, but it seems like we can show a little more patience and compassion in RVF 2.0. If you feel you're wasting time by giving advice, don't give advice. There's definitely a place for being critical, for dishing out some tough love. But I don't see what the gifs, laughing emojis, etc. accomplish.

It just comes across as mean-spirited. If that wasn't your intention, then I take back what I said. And I appreciate you taking the time to clarify.
This is one of the problems I have with Christian culture. You can't even properly bust each other's balls.

If you think this was mean-spirited...Give me a break.
 

Amwolf

Robin
She shouldn't even be chatting with another man online. He has no choice but to dump her. In fact, she will secretly despise him if he doesn't. No woman can commit herself to a weak man. She will betray him again, but the next time it will be brutal. At that point he will blame her for being evil, when the truth is he should be blaming himself.
I agree that he should walk away from her and never look back as this type of behavior is inexcusable. Women respect strong men, not weak lemmings who have no convictions and/or don't stand up for for their convictions.
 
He has no choice but to dump her. In fact, she will secretly despise him if he doesn't. No woman can commit herself to a weak man.
This is absolutely true, and also sad, because it reminds me of the meme of witch trials. Crazy townspeople would tie a woman to a chair and toss her in a river. If she floated, they believed, that proved she was a witch (and they'd take her out of the river and burn her) but if she drown, that proved she was innocent ...of course, she would also be dead.


It sometimes seems that women behave that way toward men. "I'm going to shit-test this guy by disrespecting him, and if he allows me to do it, he's a beta, and I'll despise him. But if he dumps me ...WOW! he's a real man and I love him, even though we're no longer together"
 

Waverer

Robin
This is one of the problems I have with Christian culture. You can't even properly bust each other's balls.

If you think this was mean-spirited...Give me a break.
I agree. This forum has plenty of examples of us mocking women who engage in self-destructive and socially destructive behaviour. If anyone mentioned here a woman who dated a man who is openly cheating on her and still she thinks it will end well, her idiocy would be deservedly roasted.

But apparently if someone posts about a man doing the exact same thing we are supposed to go all kumbaya and compassionate just because the sexes are reversed? That sounds like a feminist parody of a male/men's rights forum.
 
@Dream Medicine

I didn't address you directly because you're not the only person doing it.

And how is it a leap? By your own admission, you were using humor to attack his character and call him a troll. That's mocking.

You could be right that he's ignoring advice. But as others have pointed out, the Philippines has been on strict lockdown for like 6+ months. People can barely leave their house.

Another forum member who's in the Philippines was recently telling me that he's had a motorbike stuck in the next town over this whole time because he simply can't go there. He was considering flying back to the US, but the hour ferry ride to the city costs as much as the flight home.

In other words, you don't know that this guy is purposely ignoring advice. It may be difficult for him to leave now. He may be going through a rough time mentally, as many people are. He may be short on cash.

He could just be hardheaded. Many men are when it comes to these kinds of situations.

Or maybe he is a troll. Lay out your case.

I get that we all liked to laugh about "betas" and "cucks" on RVF 1.0, but it seems like we can show a little more patience and compassion in RVF 2.0. If you feel you're wasting time by giving advice, don't give advice. There's definitely a place for being critical, for dishing out some tough love. But I don't see what the gifs, laughing emojis, etc. accomplish.

It just comes across as mean-spirited. If that wasn't your intention, then I take back what I said. And I appreciate you taking the time to clarify.
Damn! My online friend bmw's post sure stirred things up! I had already discussed in the forum about my significant other meeting the man who flew in from overseas, and have tried to put it behind me, because my significant other cried her eyes out and begged for my forgiveness. She was literally shaking with grief. But I think my friend brought it up again, due to his own frustrations with his past wives, and because he is a goodhearted guy, who genuinely cares about me.

I am no troll. I have sent family pics to bmw, and am almost tempted to send some to every person in this thread, but I would rather not. I have written enough very lengthy and detailed posts, that I suspect most people here realize I am who I claim to be, regarding my life and challenges. But as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. It does make things harder here, that we keep our identities secret, in the era of cancel culture.

We are going through a hard time. I was only told by my significant other at the last minute, that she had large debts. And the interest payments alone come close to swamping our family canoe. I had originally thought we would get by financially just fine, and I could build my income without undue pressure and stress, as we started a life together. I was wrong. I wish I had much more money, and could easily pay off her big debts, but that is not the case. She met "the other guy" who flew in because she was looking for debt relief, and so her hypergamy had kicked in. But she is a romantic who really seems to love me, and at the last minute she leveled with him, and came home. She has since that time, stopped all communications with the other guy, and has blocked him on social media.

Her degree is in accounting, and she works as a bookkeeper. But her pay is still relatively low and half her pay is garnished due to debt. I bring in more than she does, even without the garnishment. She insisted on sending the four girls to private school, which has cost me several thousand dollars, and in my view could have been used elsewhere. The public schools around here are supposedly solid. She bought an expensive set of pots and pans, which was not really needed, and that money could have paid our rent for three months. I ask her to tell me when she is considering a big expenditure, but she only does it sometimes. As she told me once, her ex and she would fight over who was in charge of the relationship. I am a laid back guy, but I do feel frustrated at times. She says she realizes I don't have much money, but her financial behavior does not always back up her statement.

My significant other had a hard time finding a guy, due to having four girls. I think the men with the deep pockets, said no way, and kept on going, despite her beauty. She spent over three years getting me to warm up to her. But when she finally realized I was not financially very well off (some Filipinas think all Americans are rich), she broke up with me, two weeks before I was to move to the Philippines. I called her up, and reminded her of the many special times we had had together, and she apologized, saying she was confused, and that she did love me, and wanted me to join her there. And since coming here, she has at times threatened to take an overseas job or to simply move out. This behavior has somewhat hardened my heart, out of a desire to protect myself from pain. If only she had told me about her debt, early on, so I could have gotten a second job and saved the money to pay it off. But she was very scared that I would dump her. This bad decision on her part has damaged our relationship.

The four girls, ages 15, 13, 10 and 7 see me as the outsider/invader, which torments me. I have to a limited extent connected with the 10 year-old, and not at all really with the others. If I say a good morning or good evening, the kids ignore me. Generally, I just get the cold shoulder from them and they usually refuse to speak to me unless they want something. They actually seem to be good kids, but they are hurt and angry, and at the same time, spoiled like crazy by grandma and grandpa, who they used to live with. Family therapists say stepdaughters, especially a large group of them, are especially hard for a stepfather.

I made the mistake of trying to be a disciplinarian to them, with encouragement from my significant other. All the family therapy experts say this is a terrible idea for a stepfather. She also refuses to tell them to treat me decently/respectfully. She believes they and I must work things out on our own. But I am not asking for them to kiss my feet, but just to be polite. When it was my birthday, the girls came out with a cake, and I was deeply touched. But when I grabbed my camera to take a pic (and I know not to post pics on social media, since it supposedly may anger the ex), the girls shrank back and did not want their picture taken! I nearly went for a very long walk, but my significant other told me to try to be understanding, and that over time they will change...

My significant other says that as a very young girl, that her biological father sexually molested her. And it has the ring of truth for me. I have been involved with other women who had been victimized, and you can see the signs. But he of course denies it, and is active in the local church and community. I think both out of valid concern for his grandkids and out of guilt for what he did to my s.o., he has brainwashed the girls to turn against me. Every time the youngest girl visits him for a few days, she comes back staring at me like I am a monster! And this is the same man that I gave a thousand dollars to help pay most of his medical bills, after a month long stay in the hospital for lung disease. Ugh! This man refuses to speak with me, because my significant other is with me, yet married to another. But she has been waiting eight years for an annulment.

Today I found that the Paypal and vpn apps and my saved login information were deleted from my phone! I'm not sure which girl did it. That, on top of using my phone, has made it hard for me to get back into Paypal. Their security routines sometimes think of me as a foreign bad guy, since I live in a third world nation. I have had run ins with both their machine and human security apparatus.

I want us to start family traditions like a boardgame night or a wholesome movie night, but it rarely happens, despite my efforts. I get stonewalled. On Christmas the girls were so difficult I went on a three hour long walk, to cool off. But at least we now have a prayer/blessing on the food for each meal, and the oldest daughter enforces reverence among the younger girls, to my surprise. My significant other and I go to Mass every week (before the pandemic), but the girls (except the youngest) don't want to go, unless it is a special holiday.

The biological father has shown himself to be a total deadbeat, who never paid child support, but still, I suspect he will be walking them down the aisle, when it's time for each girl to get married. He is in secret communications with the oldest daughter, though she does not know, that we know. I have never actually met him. But even his own brother and his wife, consider him a failed father and human being. He lives with his parents and is unemployed, despite being educated. I suspect he does this to not be a target for child support. In the U.S. of course, such a strategy would not work.

We had a talk about our financial goals and future, which was somewhat daunting. The baby will arrive next April, so there will be those costs. There is the large debt she has, that is a ball and chain I must pay off. We want to buy a quarter acre of land, and then build a house on it, which can be done for only 25K, a fraction of the cost of doing so in America. Next, the four girls will be going to college here, and though it costs one quarter what it does in America, that still adds up with four girls, but will be spread over ten years. I doubt their father will be helping with tuition... And finally, we need to save for a future retirement. Whew!

Ironically, I was in much better physical shape back in America. I looked forward to my evening after work runs at a beautiful nearby cemetery. But in the Philippines, I stopped running due to my significant other's fears that I would either be mugged & beaten, framed by corrupt cops, or run over. And they don't have real sidewalks here, anyway, which drives me crazy. Or a decent park. I should be doing a calisthenics routine every day, via Youtube, but I just don't. My thing is running. It makes me feel alive.

To make life easier for my significant other, I gave her my debit card. I thought this was a supportive move on my part. And if I need something, I ask her to get it, since she does the shopping. I asked for a simple jump rope, since I like them and they are a great tool for fitness. Well, it has been over two months, and still no damn jump rope! I will just order one from the local online Amazon clone, Lazada, a provider of cheap broken crap for everyone.

I suppose I am hardheaded, and yes, I am familiar with sunken cost fallacy. I just am not ready to give up. My significant other does really love me, despite her/my shortcomings, and I love her, though I have my frustrations. She spent over a decade with a man who routinely cheated on her, and had gambling problems, and that has left emotional scars. What she likes about me is that I am loyal, white, American, handsome (to her), and tall. And she believes that God wants us to be together. She says her only real complaint about me is not having enough money to pay off her debts.

What makes this hard is that none of you have actually met us in person, and so you are going on your own colored life perceptions and viewpoints. This is not a clear-cut case where the answer is definite that I should leave. I have been in a few horrific relationships, where I hit the ejection button with little hesitation, because things were simply intolerable and conditions were easy to judge and take action on.

Growing up, I saw my mother marry and divorce four times, and some of these men were abusive. And so despite being raised Mormon, I was gun-shy about marriage and having children. I associated families (at least mine) with unhappiness. The happy Mormon families I saw around me seemed almost unreal and distant. But despite this, I always wanted children. And now, finally, it looks like I will be getting one. My biological father left when I was two (not a Mormon, a lapsed Protestant), and I don't want to repeat history. He was an alpha chad, but I am the Beta type, to use red pill terminology.

I wish so many things. I wish I had served a mission in the Philippines when I was young, so I would be fluent in Tagalog (I spent two years in New Orleans). I wish I had much more money for my new family. I wish I were more naturally more alpha/dominant. I wish I had finished college. I wish I were younger. I wish I had gotten here years earlier, so I could have connected with my stepdaughters when they were very young. I wish right now I could buy us a beautiful house with lots of land, for the girls and my significant other to spread their wings. I wish I had the money to take them traveling wherever they wanted. I do realize wishing is a waste of energy, and I need to move forward the best I can, using the cards I have been dealt.

I am very grateful for the time and insights given me, by the forum members. At times I have felt isolated, lonely and in need of support and counsel, and this place has really helped. Please don't feel frustrated with me that I don't always take advice, because like everyone, I must find my own way. And any prayers on my behalf would be welcome.
 
"What to do if you discover live-in GF..."
I stopped reading the OP right there.

Stop fornicating, and maybe try a "live in wife" instead?
Galatians 6:7-8.

She is still married to him. The expat is living with her and her 4 daughters.
Wait a minute here; now his "live-in GF" is still married as well?

'De-do-do-do, de-da-da-da; is all I have to say to this thread...'
 
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La Águila Negra

Kingfisher
Damn! My online friend bmw's post sure stirred things up! I had already discussed in the forum about my significant other meeting the man who flew in from overseas, and have tried to put it behind me, because my significant other cried her eyes out and begged for my forgiveness. She was literally shaking with grief. But I think my friend brought it up again, due to his own frustrations with his past wives, and because he is a goodhearted guy, who genuinely cares about me.

I am no troll. I have sent family pics to bmw, and am almost tempted to send some to every person in this thread, but I would rather not. I have written enough very lengthy and detailed posts, that I suspect most people here realize I am who I claim to be, regarding my life and challenges. But as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. It does make things harder here, that we keep our identities secret, in the era of cancel culture.

We are going through a hard time. I was only told by my significant other at the last minute, that she had large debts. And the interest payments alone come close to swamping our family canoe. I had originally thought we would get by financially just fine, and I could build my income without undue pressure and stress, as we started a life together. I was wrong. I wish I had much more money, and could easily pay off her big debts, but that is not the case. She met "the other guy" who flew in because she was looking for debt relief, and so her hypergamy had kicked in. But she is a romantic who really seems to love me, and at the last minute she leveled with him, and came home. She has since that time, stopped all communications with the other guy, and has blocked him on social media.

Her degree is in accounting, and she works as a bookkeeper. But her pay is still relatively low and half her pay is garnished due to debt. I bring in more than she does, even without the garnishment. She insisted on sending the four girls to private school, which has cost me several thousand dollars, and in my view could have been used elsewhere. The public schools around here are supposedly solid. She bought an expensive set of pots and pans, which was not really needed, and that money could have paid our rent for three months. I ask her to tell me when she is considering a big expenditure, but she only does it sometimes. As she told me once, her ex and she would fight over who was in charge of the relationship. I am a laid back guy, but I do feel frustrated at times. She says she realizes I don't have much money, but her financial behavior does not always back up her statement.

My significant other had a hard time finding a guy, due to having four girls. I think the men with the deep pockets, said no way, and kept on going, despite her beauty. She spent over three years getting me to warm up to her. But when she finally realized I was not financially very well off (some Filipinas think all Americans are rich), she broke up with me, two weeks before I was to move to the Philippines. I called her up, and reminded her of the many special times we had had together, and she apologized, saying she was confused, and that she did love me, and wanted me to join her there. And since coming here, she has at times threatened to take an overseas job or to simply move out. This behavior has somewhat hardened my heart, out of a desire to protect myself from pain. If only she had told me about her debt, early on, so I could have gotten a second job and saved the money to pay it off. But she was very scared that I would dump her. This bad decision on her part has damaged our relationship.

The four girls, ages 15, 13, 10 and 7 see me as the outsider/invader, which torments me. I have to a limited extent connected with the 10 year-old, and not at all really with the others. If I say a good morning or good evening, the kids ignore me. Generally, I just get the cold shoulder from them and they usually refuse to speak to me unless they want something. They actually seem to be good kids, but they are hurt and angry, and at the same time, spoiled like crazy by grandma and grandpa, who they used to live with. Family therapists say stepdaughters, especially a large group of them, are especially hard for a stepfather.

I made the mistake of trying to be a disciplinarian to them, with encouragement from my significant other. All the family therapy experts say this is a terrible idea for a stepfather. She also refuses to tell them to treat me decently/respectfully. She believes they and I must work things out on our own. But I am not asking for them to kiss my feet, but just to be polite. When it was my birthday, the girls came out with a cake, and I was deeply touched. But when I grabbed my camera to take a pic (and I know not to post pics on social media, since it supposedly may anger the ex), the girls shrank back and did not want their picture taken! I nearly went for a very long walk, but my significant other told me to try to be understanding, and that over time they will change...

My significant other says that as a very young girl, that her biological father sexually molested her. And it has the ring of truth for me. I have been involved with other women who had been victimized, and you can see the signs. But he of course denies it, and is active in the local church and community. I think both out of valid concern for his grandkids and out of guilt for what he did to my s.o., he has brainwashed the girls to turn against me. Every time the youngest girl visits him for a few days, she comes back staring at me like I am a monster! And this is the same man that I gave a thousand dollars to help pay most of his medical bills, after a month long stay in the hospital for lung disease. Ugh! This man refuses to speak with me, because my significant other is with me, yet married to another. But she has been waiting eight years for an annulment.

Today I found that the Paypal and vpn apps and my saved login information were deleted from my phone! I'm not sure which girl did it. That, on top of using my phone, has made it hard for me to get back into Paypal. Their security routines sometimes think of me as a foreign bad guy, since I live in a third world nation. I have had run ins with both their machine and human security apparatus.

I want us to start family traditions like a boardgame night or a wholesome movie night, but it rarely happens, despite my efforts. I get stonewalled. On Christmas the girls were so difficult I went on a three hour long walk, to cool off. But at least we now have a prayer/blessing on the food for each meal, and the oldest daughter enforces reverence among the younger girls, to my surprise. My significant other and I go to Mass every week (before the pandemic), but the girls (except the youngest) don't want to go, unless it is a special holiday.

The biological father has shown himself to be a total deadbeat, who never paid child support, but still, I suspect he will be walking them down the aisle, when it's time for each girl to get married. He is in secret communications with the oldest daughter, though she does not know, that we know. I have never actually met him. But even his own brother and his wife, consider him a failed father and human being. He lives with his parents and is unemployed, despite being educated. I suspect he does this to not be a target for child support. In the U.S. of course, such a strategy would not work.

We had a talk about our financial goals and future, which was somewhat daunting. The baby will arrive next April, so there will be those costs. There is the large debt she has, that is a ball and chain I must pay off. We want to buy a quarter acre of land, and then build a house on it, which can be done for only 25K, a fraction of the cost of doing so in America. Next, the four girls will be going to college here, and though it costs one quarter what it does in America, that still adds up with four girls, but will be spread over ten years. I doubt their father will be helping with tuition... And finally, we need to save for a future retirement. Whew!

Ironically, I was in much better physical shape back in America. I looked forward to my evening after work runs at a beautiful nearby cemetery. But in the Philippines, I stopped running due to my significant other's fears that I would either be mugged & beaten, framed by corrupt cops, or run over. And they don't have real sidewalks here, anyway, which drives me crazy. Or a decent park. I should be doing a calisthenics routine every day, via Youtube, but I just don't. My thing is running. It makes me feel alive.

To make life easier for my significant other, I gave her my debit card. I thought this was a supportive move on my part. And if I need something, I ask her to get it, since she does the shopping. I asked for a simple jump rope, since I like them and they are a great tool for fitness. Well, it has been over two months, and still no damn jump rope! I will just order one from the local online Amazon clone, Lazada, a provider of cheap broken crap for everyone.

I suppose I am hardheaded, and yes, I am familiar with sunken cost fallacy. I just am not ready to give up. My significant other does really love me, despite her/my shortcomings, and I love her, though I have my frustrations. She spent over a decade with a man who routinely cheated on her, and had gambling problems, and that has left emotional scars. What she likes about me is that I am loyal, white, American, handsome (to her), and tall. And she believes that God wants us to be together. She says her only real complaint about me is not having enough money to pay off her debts.

What makes this hard is that none of you have actually met us in person, and so you are going on your own colored life perceptions and viewpoints. This is not a clear-cut case where the answer is definite that I should leave. I have been in a few horrific relationships, where I hit the ejection button with little hesitation, because things were simply intolerable and conditions were easy to judge and take action on.

Growing up, I saw my mother marry and divorce four times, and some of these men were abusive. And so despite being raised Mormon, I was gun-shy about marriage and having children. I associated families (at least mine) with unhappiness. The happy Mormon families I saw around me seemed almost unreal and distant. But despite this, I always wanted children. And now, finally, it looks like I will be getting one. My biological father left when I was two (not a Mormon, a lapsed Protestant), and I don't want to repeat history. He was an alpha chad, but I am the Beta type, to use red pill terminology.

I wish so many things. I wish I had served a mission in the Philippines when I was young, so I would be fluent in Tagalog (I spent two years in New Orleans). I wish I had much more money for my new family. I wish I were more naturally more alpha/dominant. I wish I had finished college. I wish I were younger. I wish I had gotten here years earlier, so I could have connected with my stepdaughters when they were very young. I wish right now I could buy us a beautiful house with lots of land, for the girls and my significant other to spread their wings. I wish I had the money to take them traveling wherever they wanted. I do realize wishing is a waste of energy, and I need to move forward the best I can, using the cards I have been dealt.

I am very grateful for the time and insights given me, by the forum members. At times I have felt isolated, lonely and in need of support and counsel, and this place has really helped. Please don't feel frustrated with me that I don't always take advice, because like everyone, I must find my own way. And any prayers on my behalf would be welcome.
This is not 1, but 10 steps beyond cringe.

Also, the only reason your GF tells you to stay inside is because she wants to have her ATM close. Can't have anything happen, be it something good or bad, to her breathing wallet

The moment she's suckled every dollar, dare I say every penny out of you, she will dump you. Your child will be taken away from you (you can't take him/her out of the Philippines without her consent anyway) and you will have zero legal ground to stand on. The next chump to leech off is already in the pipeline, you've said this yourself

If you start stalking her she will hire some family members/ corrupt police officers/ friends (or maybe even her husband) to make sure that you stay away from her and her high status Eurasian child. Bad things might happen to you.

Quick recap:
* Your GF cheats on you
* Your GF lies to you on major issues
* Your GF steals from you
* Your GF is still officially married to another man and has 4 kids that are not yours
* Your GF is manipulative and abusive
* Your GF owns no property and has huge debts
* Your GF doesn't love you, despite what you tell yourself

* Your stepdaughters hate you, refuse to talk to you
* Your stepdaughters steal/try to steal from you
* Your stepdaughters go to good schools on your dime

* Your GFs legal husband hates you
* You pay the medical bills of your GFs husband (WTF?)
* Your GFs legal husband's offspring lives on your dime

* You: my GF loves me. I am trying to make this work. Send prayers!


It's even worse than I thought it was. You seem beyond saving. There must be an explanation at a much deeper level. For sure it has something to do with your problematic childhood.

You only have yourself to blame though. I wonder why anyone, even a self-proclaimed beta, would put up with even only 20 percent of what you wrote down here

Good luck. You are going to need it
 
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This is not 1, but 10 steps beyond cringe.

Also, the only reason your GF tells you to stay inside is because she wants to have her ATM close. Can't have anything happen, be it something good or bad, to her breathing wallet

The moment she's suckled every dollar, dare I say every penny out of you, she will dump you. Your child will be taken away from you (you can't take him/her out of the Philippines without her consent anyway) and you will have zero legal ground to stand on. The next chump to leech off is already in the pipeline, you've said this yourself

If you start stalking her she will hire some family members/ corrupt police officers/ friends (or maybe even her husband) to make sure that you stay away from her and her high status Eurasian child. Bad things might happen to you.

Quick recap:
* Your GF cheats on you
* Your GF lies to you on major issues
* Your GF steals from you
* Your GF is still officially married to another man and has 4 kids that are not yours
* Your GF is manipulative and abusive
* Your GF owns no property and has huge debts
* Your GF doesn't love you, despite what you tell yourself

* Your stepdaughters hate you, refuse to talk to you
* Your stepdaughters steal/try to steal from you
* Your stepdaughters go to good schools on your dime

* Your GFs legal husband hates you
* You pay the medical bills of your GFs husband (WTF?)
* Your GFs legal husband's offspring lives on your dime

* You: my GF loves me. I am trying to make this work. Send prayers!


It's even worse than I thought it was. You seem beyond saving. There must be an explanation at a much deeper level. For sure it has something to do with your problematic childhood.

You only have yourself to blame though. I wonder why anyone, even a self-proclaimed beta, would put up with even only 20 percent of what you wrote down here

Good luck. You are going to need it
La Aguila, thank you for the blunt commentary. These are my thoughts regarding the following points you made...

"* Your GF cheats on you"

No. I don't believe that she actually has, at least in a sexual way. And she claims that there is/are no backburner guy or guys. But keep in mind, extreme financial over-spending/debt is seen by counselors as a form of infidelity. And many women today want their men to pay off their huge debts.

"* Your GF lies to you on major issues"

She was deceptive about her debts.

"* Your GF steals from you"

This statement shocked me. Like many women, she thinks her partner's money is hers to spend as she desires.

"* Your GF is manipulative and abusive"

This statement also shocked me. But at times I would agree. She wants to prod me into paying those debts of hers.

"* Your stepdaughters steal/try to steal from you"

No. Well, other than small things like combs or pens. They have never stolen money or anything valuable, and I don't think they would. They are more likely to break something, such as when two of them got into a fight over my nice headphones and the item was smashed in the melee. I was not home at the time.

"* Your GFs legal husband hates you"

Possible, but I doubt it. I suspect he is relieved that I am here and helping to provide for his daughters.

"* You pay the medical bills of your GFs husband (WTF?)"

What? Lol! No, I paid the medical bills of my significant other's *father.* I only found out about his molestation of her, after I paid them.
 
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kel

Pelican
This isn't going to end well, as others have said. And may I say, when it does, do not even talk about it to your next lover. Not to kvetch, nothing. Even revealing the fact that you put up with this is attraction kryptonite. A good woman will immediately be turned off by you upon hearing about this, a bad woman will immediately be turned on by the thought of how she's now gonna have her turn to take you for all you're worth. When this comes crashing down, you need to learn from it and put it completely behind you, a secret shame that no one can ever get wind of.
 

deano

Newbie
One time my wife flirted with a dude and I found out. It was nothing racy and she didn't present herself as single. Just friendly flirting.

She slept on the couch for a week and nearly ended up homeless.

To this day if she's acting up I tease her about whether I should call up the dude so I can arrange for her to move in with him. It's also very clear she wouldn't ever be able to come back if she did this.

She gets very embarrassed and nothing like what I found has ever occurred again. She also avoids interacting with men unless I'm present.

I really believe she didn't know what she was doing, given who she is. Just how women are trained to act today. Now she knows. Luckily I'm not one to bluff either.
What do you mean you "found out"? I'm assuming you mean that she did it when you were away, and someone later told you.
 

deano

Newbie
One time my wife flirted with a dude and I found out. It was nothing racy and she didn't present herself as single. Just friendly flirting.

She slept on the couch for a week and nearly ended up homeless.

To this day if she's acting up I tease her about whether I should call up the dude so I can arrange for her to move in with him. It's also very clear she wouldn't ever be able to come back if she did this.

She gets very embarrassed and nothing like what I found has ever occurred again. She also avoids interacting with men unless I'm present.

I really believe she didn't know what she was doing, given who she is. Just how women are trained to act today. Now she knows. Luckily I'm not one to bluff either.
Also, I'd recommend that you do not continue to bring up the time she did that. It can create resentment. It's a bit unfair. Be present with her, not in the past.

(Meant to post that in my last comment. Apologies for replying twice.)
 
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