When did you realise you had to get serious about looking?

[b0uncyfr0]

Hi, I've been lurking for a while and frankly don't post anywhere near as much as i read but i thought i'd leave my two cents today and get some feedback. So, i think i want a serious GF and here are my reasons

- Im about to hit 31 and i haven't had a long relationship (my longest was about a year). I moved halfway across the world to be with her and frankly it was ok, but not significant on my life as i expected. My habits haven't changed that much and i wanted these to.
- Sex drive is much lower (i believe) compared to my mid 20's. I haven't done any tests but it feels like it's slipping
- Financial prospects with a partner (not straight away) seem abit easier together.
- Social pressure wise, i feel the difference between myself and a 20 yr old - i would approach and even ry my luck with one 2 years ago but now i just don't see the benefit. The difference in knowledge and attitude (big one) is a complete turn off for me.
- Putting down root's in a country that is not where you're originally from. I dont mind the idea as i strongly believe in myself choosing the country that suits me (if my partner is from there, even better).

My prospects where i live are rather limited though. Im a mixed race guy (white/black), and on the smaller side (5'6) but on the muscly/big side. The type i would prefer, which is basically afro/latin/brazilian lkn with curly hair does not exist in the country. I look ok, but my style in clothes could certainly be improved.

Do you agree, these are good enough points to warrant looking for a serious GF and stop tindering/clubbing/piicking up?

 

[GibsMeDat]

Yes, if you feel burned out from the hook up life, it's time to take a celibacy break for an extended period of time and really evaluate what you want in life. Can't be thinking straight when you're fucking hoes, right?!

 

[pk9090]

Your from Estonia?

 

[b0uncyfr0]

Your from Estonia?

Im living in Estonia.

 

[Speculation]

I think 30 is a good age to slow down and start looking at girls more seriously with an eye towards marriage. I wish I had started at your age rather than continuing the pick up life until my mid to late 30's. Options shrink, even for men.

The biggest issue is finding a girl that can truly understand you which requires a certain amount of life experience. There's long been a meme in the pick up community that you need to find a girl in her early 20's and while I agree younger is better in terms of looks/fertility/lack of emotional damage, it doesn't take into account the maturity and experience girls need to have to be on your level and properly connect with you. It also depends if you're looking for a partner that can be relied on when you share tasks or whether you are planning to go down the 'leadership' path where you will be making all the decisions and taking on board all of the responsibility.

At 30 you can probably still stretch down to find an emotionally mature 23/24 year old, but younger than that you are pretty much dealing with a kid. As men age they need to make a harder choice between a girl without maturity or a girl with less attractiveness and fertility.

 

[JohnQThomas]

Congratulations, b0uncyfr0. You’re ready to start looking for something more substantive. That doesn’t mean you’ll find it right away; it may take a few years of searching—not to mention self improvement. But if you’re ethical, spiritually-connected, okay looking, solvent, and shower regularly, you’re the dream of every woman in her early-mid 20s and up (and maybe under 5’8”) who’s ready for marriage and family. How old you want to go depends on how many kids you want; but the more mature the woman, the less shallow she tends to become. (And the less picky about things like height—which unfortunately is an issue; ask me how I know. ?) Yes, whether we like it or not, a wall-approacher is more likely to be interested in “settling down” with someone other than a movie star (just as we are, often at a slightly later age). Not that you should settle for one who’s physically repulsive or too old to have kids; but there are are some women who meet reasonable standards in those areas AND have the good character which is the most important factor. Try church (where you can meet other reformed sinners), volunteer work, wholesome causes and hobbies. Maybe even the more conservative dating and matchmaking sites—which are full of women who complain that even there, most men just use the sites to seek fornication. (Imagine that!) If you’re not one of those men (at least not anymore), you’ll stand out.

I realize you’ve heard all this before; we all have. But many if not most of us who do the right things eventually find something that’s okay, even if not perfect. Good luck!

 

[redbeard]

I started looking to settle down after I had a few pregnancy scares. Anyone who's been through this can probably relate. When you're waiting for her to get her period, your mind is racing, thinking "WOW, what if I actually have to spend the rest of my life with this woman? Raising a kid with her?"

Once you've faced this dilemma a few times, it really starts to beat on you that you shouldn't be fornicating with women you wouldn't want to settle down with. No contraception is 100% and accidental pregnancies do happen.

Roosh mentioned something similar in "Contraception Prevents Love" -

The healthiest approach to sex for men is sleeping with women without the option to use contraceptives or other forms of modern medical assistance. If you couldn’t use a condom, she couldn’t use birth control, there was no option of abortion, and there were no antibiotics to treat the gonorrhea she could give you, would you still sleep with her? If the answer is no then you shouldn’t sleep with her, because you will lose bonding glue for a purely hedonistic experience.

Once I realized I was wasting my time chasing one night stands, I started getting serious about looking.

 

[Thriller]

I started looking to settle down after I had a few pregnancy scares. Anyone who's been through this can probably relate. When you're waiting for her to get her period, your mind is racing, thinking "WOW, what if I actually have to spend the rest of my life with this woman? Raising a kid with her?"

Once you've faced this dilemma a few times, it really starts to beat on you that you shouldn't be fornicating with women you wouldn't want to settle down with.

Yes, I can totally relate to this, it mirrors my exact experience. Hedonism is all fun and games until there's serious consequences as a result. I've had multiple birds pull the pregnancy scare tactic on me.

Each time it happened, I would ask myself truthfully if this woman had the qualities to enter a life-long commitment of raising a child together (whether together or separated)... the honest answer deep-down in my soul was no, and therefore this moment of waiting for the pregnancy test or period would scare the sh*t out of me. It was a real epiphany red-pilling moment.

Roosh mentioned something similar in "Contraception Prevents Love" -

The healthiest approach to sex for men is sleeping with women without the option to use contraceptives or other forms of modern medical assistance. If you couldn’t use a condom, she couldn’t use birth control, there was no option of abortion, and there were no antibiotics to treat the gonorrhea she could give you, would you still sleep with her? If the answer is no then you shouldn’t sleep with her, because you will lose bonding glue for a purely hedonistic experience.

Once I realized I was wasting my time chasing one night stands, I started getting serious about looking.

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