When do men decide to settle down?

[Akaky Akakievitch]

I'm definitely still going to try the new dating site.

Of course go ahead and try it out, you have every right but as you are a member of this forum among a lot of red-pilled/conspiracy-soaked guys, you have the right to know what goes on beneath the surface with these sorts of initiatives. Anything with Peter Thiel's name attached to it should be treated with ample suspicion, as the evidence goes to show. At the least you're well-informed now.

 

[OutlawJustice]

you are a member of this forum among a lot of red-pilled/conspiracy-soaked guys

Sir, you and I are talking in the ladies forum.

 

[Akaky Akakievitch]

Sir, you and I are talking in the ladies forum.

I meant guys in the context of everyone, not just men but easily confused I guess. I've said everything i wanted to say now, so I'll retreat back to base with the rest of the dudes over on the men's side.

 

[TMarie]

Of course go ahead and try it out, you have every right but as you are a member of this forum among a lot of red-pilled/conspiracy-soaked guys, you have the right to know what goes on beneath the surface with these sorts of initiatives. Anything with Peter Thiel's name attached to it should be treated with ample suspicion, as the evidence goes to show. At the least you're well-informed now.

I think Catholic Match is a good dating site. It has been around a long time and it is not just a dating site, it has good advice for dating and personal stories of couples who met on that dating site.There is a also a list on the profile pages with the Catholic church’s teachings regarding important issues that couples should agree on before they start dating. Dating sites are not perfect, but where else are Christian conservative singles to look when most people today are only interested in casual relationships?

 

[OutlawJustice]

I meant guys in the context of everyone, not just men but easily confused I guess. I've said everything i wanted to say now, so I'll retreat back to base with the rest of the dudes over on the men's side.

What are your thoughts on when men settle down?

 

[OutlawJustice]

I think Catholic Match is a good dating site. It has been around a long time and it is not just a dating site, it has good advice for dating and personal stories of couples who met on that dating site.There is a also a list on the profile pages with the Catholic church’s teachings regarding important issues that couples should agree on before they start dating. Dating sites are not perfect, but where else are Christian conservative singles to look when most people today are only interested in casual relationships?

So true.
I really think humans were not supposed to go through repeated heart break or long term loneliness. It's not good for the soul.

 

[Purple.and.rust]

Makes sense you are cut from the same cloth of the others. The content is for secular entertainment - call it what it is.
These females are actors / hypocrites for the purpose of money, and vanity. Serving two masters.

Most (if not all) of the hypocritical Christian content I have posted on here, and there is certainly a lot, came from examples of one of these females after she was praised as a true Christian (through PR PM and forum posts; and individuals' direct contact of concern).

Have no harsh feeling for any of those women, and if anything observing their questionable behaviour helped me to be a better servant to Jesus Christ.



This post is misleading on different points.
There is no grudge only being consistent with upholding Christian moral values, and showing the hypocrisy in behaviour.
Not only showing but also praying.

Have noticed lately over the past months you have at time become disrespectful of others on this board with your argumentative behaviour. And not just in the Ladies' Forum. Hope that can change. No harsh feelings.

I like your tact and I am striving to practice this valuable characteristic more.

I notice some log on late at night(I'm Canadian midwest zone) and it makes me think there are issues with stress and insomnia, potentially 'sleepwalking' where they're logging on and only semiconscious.
I have seen myself do this, when I'm relying heavily on a forum for news or observing people interacting to take away a kind of loneliness? temporarily.
When selfaware I can scan over my latest activity to ensure I was not rude or unloving. Maybe I can selfcorrect with an additional post in reply to my own post to explain.

Somebody's almost always on the forum and I can alleviate some isolation somehow, just seeing that somebody is there.





To be a tad antagonistic, guarantees a faster reply than being regular.

What's that axiom I read on twitter recently?

"You want a woman to reply faster? Argue with her"

I love seeing people that remind me of my own self. It's like a mirror that reminds me to always keep trying to love.

In reply to the thread title question, the answer truly is contained in Roosh's book 'Lady'.

Check it out!

 

[Ah_Tibor]

People of both sexes find their spouse when the time is right and their heart/soul is open, and yes, it's trite-- but you "know." Don't force it, don't compromise your own ethics and morals, say a prayer, be patient, and it happens. That's when anybody "settles" down.

 

[TexasJenn]

People of both sexes find their spouse when the time is right and their heart/soul is open, and yes, it's trite-- but you "know." Don't force it, don't compromise your own ethics and morals, say a prayer, be patient, and it happens. That's when anybody "settles" down.

This is exactly how it happened for me

 

[Starlight]

Makes sense you are cut from the same cloth of the others.

The cloth of Eve, the same as you sister

These females are actors / hypocrites for the purpose of money, and vanity. Serving two masters.

I believe that their conversions are genuine. I think they were very candid.

It’s not up to us to discern who “truly believes” and who doesn’t. Somehow you know their heart of hearts?

Some well known people have been on their shows… Are they actors and hypocrites as well? How do you rationalize that?

 

[OutlawJustice]

In reply to the thread title question, the answer truly is contained in Roosh's book 'Lady'.

Thank you for recommending that book here.
I found a lot of blind spots that I didn't know I had after reading it. I think I'll read it again along with similar books just to remind myself.

I've been praying every day too.

 

[messaggera]

These prompts are evident approaches to inducing a circular argument, and are flawed.
Your following responses, to my last post, are clearly missing the point (ignoratio elenchi) .

If female individuals are going to promote themselves online as Christians then their public interpersonal interactions should be held to Christian standards - the accountability of oneself.

The cloth of Eve, the same as you sister

Nice hackneyed response Starlight.
No. You and those females are similar with online behaviour. I am not.

I believe that their conversions are genuine. I think they were very candid
It’s not up to us to discern who “truly believes” and who doesn’t. Somehow you know their heart of hearts?

You are concluding that I suggested these females are not believers in Jesus Christ.
There is a difference between holding female Christians accountable for their behaviour as a servant to Christ than there is suggesting someone lacks Christ in their hearts.

Some well known people have been on their shows… Are they actors and hypocrites as well? How do you rationalize that?

Again you fall victim to ignoratio elenchi by making this a rebuttal argument.
The discussion is about these females, not their invited guests. Keep to the topic.

Promoters are going to promote the guest they invite to live streams. Guests are not always cut from the same cloth as the promoter.
Was monetary exchanges made between the promoter and the viewers?

Out of those four females I see one, who if where to stay off social media and to stop promoting secular content through writing, would come to realise time spent with her two blessings, husband, and Church are all she needs in this world to serve Christ, and to focus helping her family with their salvation as a Christian wife and mother.

As I have done many times in the past I pray for her and her family. May strong healthy bonds be established between wife and husband; mother to son and mother to daughter; and father to children. She has the resources and one of the most beautiful places in the world to live out her time as a Christian wife and mother. She should embrace this gift given to her. May Jesus Christ be with her family and forever remain in their hearts.

I will no longer discuss this topic, and I am asking you Starlight to please stop with the prompts.

 

[Akaky Akakievitch]

What are your thoughts on when men settle down?

Okay I'll be glad to share some thoughts on this. I also learned quite a bit from digging into this topic.

Men should seek the will of God in their lives first, before pursuing a marriage partner. For myself, I know I need to build my career and finances a little first before I would feel confident in raising a family, and I'm not even a member of the Church yet so trying not to get ahead of myself, but again, it won't really be up to me to decide when I'm ready, only God knows.

Marriage is also a form of ascesis, so perhaps "settling down" is not really the best term, though it's what most people would call it. Marriage, from what I've heard from others and learned recently, is difficult and it would actually be easier to struggle as a single person in the world, rather than enter into the mystery of marriage.

So having this perspective would benefit men in knowing what lays ahead of them on their journey with Christ. It is not about relaxing into a marriage or "settling down" but struggling and embracing "the joy of podvig", or the ecstasy of spiritual struggle:

Abbot Ilarion (Lupulovic). The Joy of Podvig

Man must step forward outside of himself in order to be joyful, to feel the fullness of life. Man must live in ecstasy, which is a word that denotes this stepping outside of oneself.

orthochristian.com

[E]veryone must discern how strong they really are, what they can really do, and set out upon a podvig in accordance with their capabilities. What we really need to ask ourselves is: How much love do we truly have? We will find out how much love we have by looking at how much we are ready to sacrifice ourselves. We all must struggle, we all must engage in podvig. Everyone who engages their podvig is an ascetic struggler in some sense, and even if we are all far from the ascetics that we read about in monastic literature, we still should not despise the podvigs that we have before us now, we should not despise the great riches that God offers us even though our podvigs are, in comparison, so small.

I thought I was familiar with the term podvig but I discovered after reading this talk given by an Abbot from Montenegro, that podvig is the Slavonic translation of the more popular Greek term "askisis", or ascesis, referred to above:

The Greek word for podvig, “askisis,” actually means exercise, and it is used to refer precisely to physical exercise or practicing a sport. An ascetic is one who engages in physical labors [...]

But podvig has it's own interpretation in Slavonic:

In Slavonic we have the words “dvig” or “dviženije,” and this means precisely “movement.” Thus, if “dvig” means movement, taking into account the Slavic root “po,” “podvig” would mean “upward movement.”

Therefore, taking all this into context, marriage is an "upward movement", so rather than asking when men choose to "settle down", instead we might ask:

"When do men decide to get up and go?"

 

[TMarie]

Okay I'll be glad to share some thoughts on this. I also learned quite a bit from digging into this topic.

Men should seek the will of God in their lives first, before pursuing a marriage partner. For myself, I know I need to build my career and finances a little first before I would feel confident in raising a family, and I'm not even a member of the Church yet so trying not to get ahead of myself, but again, it won't really be up to me to decide when I'm ready, only God knows.

Marriage is also a form of ascesis, so perhaps "settling down" is not really the best term, though it's what most people would call it. Marriage, from what I've heard from others and learned recently, is difficult and it would actually be easier to struggle as a single person in the world, rather than enter into the mystery of marriage.

So having this perspective would benefit men in knowing what lays ahead of them on their journey with Christ. It is not about relaxing into a marriage or "settling down" but struggling and embracing "the joy of podvig", or the ecstasy of spiritual struggle:

Abbot Ilarion (Lupulovic). The Joy of Podvig

Man must step forward outside of himself in order to be joyful, to feel the fullness of life. Man must live in ecstasy, which is a word that denotes this stepping outside of oneself.

orthochristian.com

I thought I was familiar with the term podvig but I discovered after reading this talk given by an Abbot from Montenegro, that podvig is the Slavonic translation of the more popular Greek term "askisis", or ascesis, referred to above:



But podvig has it's own interpretation in Slavonic:



Therefore, taking all this into context, marriage is an "upward movement", so rather than asking when men choose to "settle down", instead we might ask:

"When do men decide to get up and go?"

So when do men decide to get up and go? I think it is heartwarming to see an elderly couple holding hands and walking on the street or in a park. That is true love. They probably did not have easy lives with everything provided for them at the start. They took it one day at a time. They built a life together and were always there for each other along the way. Back a few generations ago very few people did not get married and now it seems the norm. What happened?

 

[PineTreeFarmer]

So when do men decide to get up and go? I think it is heartwarming to see an elderly couple holding hands and walking on the street or in a park. That is true love. They probably did not have easy lives with everything provided for them at the start. They took it one day at a time. They built a life together and were always there for each other along the way. Back a few generations ago very few people did not get married and now it seems the norm. What happened?

I think it got bogged down in self centered pursuits at verbal communication.l, and expecting someone else to make you happy. It's a lot easier to live your life with someone when you can take nonverbal cues to fulfill shared goals and care for one another.
When I talk about how I'm going to accomplish something for myself, I become discouraged and often give up when what I said, what I wanted, and what actually happens aren't congruous. Attachment to something I dreamt up in my head about how things should go, or what happiness looks like are ruinous to true long term happiness, in my opinion.

 

[TMarie]

I think it got bogged down in self centered pursuits at verbal communication.l, and expecting someone else to make you happy. It's a lot easier to live your life with someone when you can take nonverbal cues to fulfill shared goals and care for one another.
When I talk about how I'm going to accomplish something for myself, I become discouraged and often give up when what I said, what I wanted, and what actually happens aren't congruous. Attachment to something I dreamt up in my head about how things should go, or what happiness looks like are ruinous to true long term happiness, in my opinion.

I agree with the self centered pursuits and expecting someone else to make you happy, but I also think the answer is that it is much easier to take care of oneself when single. But does looking after only oneself bring fulfillment and a happier life?

 

[PineTreeFarmer]

I agree with the self centered pursuits, but I also think the answer is that it is much easier to take care of oneself when single. But does looking after oneself bring fulfillment and a happier life?

Idk. I've never been tasked with only been looking after myself!

 

[TMarie]

Idk. I've never been tasked with only been looking after myself!

I think you would be a happier person because you have a home and family. It may be difficult at times but I bet you wouldn't want to change it for a single life.

 

[PineTreeFarmer]

I think you would be a happier person because you have a home and family. It may be difficult at times but I bet you wouldn't want to change it for a single life.

I am not great at relationships, and I am single, but even in my singleness I have kids and live near a ton of family and folks that are aging that knew my grandparents and great grandparents, and even some who knew my great-great grands still around.
There are no relationships here because everyone is a distant relative and there is a high prevalence of genetic disorders in our community. I'm glad my parents met in the military so I didn't have any extra fingers or debilitating genetic muscular atrophy. Huntington's and SMA are heavy in our anglo-irish population.
When I was younger I lived in a metro area, but we were always active in church and sports and I started babysitting full time the summer I turned 11.
I'm not sure I'm wife material because I had two marriages that didn't work out before I was 30, but being patient enough to subdue my own desire for a relationship has given me the wherewithal to realize that I can't care for a partner if they can't care for me and our children, and forgive my faults. I would probably be happily married if I hadn't been so vain about my partner, but I do have two handsome children!
And even with a city full of options, I ended up procreating with a freckled, grey eyed, sandy blonde, curly haired man who looked like a tall thin version of myself. He honestly looks more like my sibling than my own brother.

I wouldn't change a thing. And I am happy, even when I'm lonely. I know that even though marriage sounds lovely, it is a lot of hard work, and I can't raise an adult!

 

[TMarie]

I am not great at relationships, and I am single, but even in my singleness I have kids and live near a ton of family and folks that are aging that knew my grandparents and great grandparents, and even some who knew my great-great grands still around.
There are no relationships here because everyone is a distant relative and there is a high prevalence of genetic disorders in our community. I'm glad my parents met in the military so I didn't have any extra fingers or debilitating genetic muscular atrophy. Huntington's and SMA are heavy in our anglo-irish population.
When I was younger I lived in a metro area, but we were always active in church and sports and I started babysitting full time the summer I turned 11.
I'm not sure I'm wife material because I had two marriages that didn't work out before I was 30, but being patient enough to subdue my own desire for a relationship has given me the wherewithal to realize that I can't care for a partner if they can't care for me and our children, and forgive my faults. I would probably be happily married if I hadn't been so vain about my partner, but I do have two handsome children!
And even with a city full of options, I ended up procreating with a freckled, grey eyed, sandy blonde, curly haired man who looked like a tall thin version of myself. He honestly looks more like my sibling than my own brother.

I wouldn't change a thing. And I am happy, even when I'm lonely. I know that even though marriage sounds lovely, it is a lot of hard work, and I can't raise an adult!

I think a mature man is important for marriage. It seems that a few generations ago it was easier to find one. You have your children, and people who need to be cared for, and that is a good thing.