When do men decide to settle down?

pureblood

Sparrow
Orthodox
I think we all need to share our top 5 most important things in our courtship "dating" profile.
I'll go first..
1. Take the best, realistic picture of yourself, or have a professional portrait done by a photographer.
2. Share your faith, beliefs, the essentials and non-essentials that you practice.
3. Don't constantly complain and be positive about life.
4. State clearly your intentions, outcome and time frame.
5. Be honest and genuine, trust is the foundation to a relationship.
Bonus* Dog friendly NOT cat, grew up with animals and allow them on furniture and/or bed.
t sleep.jpeg
 

Uprising

Sparrow
Trad Catholic
I met my wife at 24 in another country. At that point in my life, I was an absolute mess in every metric, and women, especially white women, treated me like absolute garbage (teased me, insulted me, ignored me). I remember trying online dating once and one of the women threatened to call the police on me because I was being "creepy." It was like that video of that poor man trying to pick up women on a campus, only to have the women call security on him.

My wife took a big chance on me and showed me love when no other woman even thought of looking at me, so I "settled down" much, much earlier than I was expecting. Throughout my marriage, she transformed me (and I transformed her) to the point where I now regularly get interest from women. I would never leave her because she loved me when no-one else wanted me.

My impression is women overwhelming want a man who is at the finish line (my wife is an exception). Perhaps you want to find a man who is still playing high school ball and take a chance on him, rather than trying to land the superstar in the major leagues . . .
 

PineTreeFarmer

Woodpecker
Woman
Protestant
I met my wife at 24 in another country. At that point in my life, I was an absolute mess in every metric, and women, especially white women, treated me like absolute garbage (teased me, insulted me, ignored me). I remember trying online dating once and one of the women threatened to call the police on me because I was being "creepy." It was like that video of that poor man trying to pick up women on a campus, only to have the women call security on him.

My wife took a big chance on me and showed me love when no other woman even thought of looking at me, so I "settled down" much, much earlier than I was expecting. Throughout my marriage, she transformed me (and I transformed her) to the point where I now regularly get interest from women. I would never leave her because she loved me when no-one else wanted me.

My impression is women overwhelming want a man who is at the finish line (my wife is an exception). Perhaps you want to find a man who is still playing high school ball and take a chance on him, rather than trying to land the superstar in the major leagues . . .
I think a lack of informatics in basic communication is necessary -- like, as an Anglo-Norman woman, I meet men who don't know how to use a stove or recipes catering to our Empirical Standard. And it's cute!
 

TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
No, I find it strange that this information wasn't found out before meeting them. If, for example, I disliked hiking, camping, etc. and I knew this was a dealbreaker, I wouldn't meet the lady in the first place.

There is absolutely no way to be sure of your last statement. I hope for your relationship that it is true, but making a statement like that shows more of being enamored and infatuated than reality. I've had friends for 2 decades that didn't tell me certain things until years later and those things had nothing to do with ruining our friendship. When dating people put their best foot forward, it takes a long time to really know
True but why not think positive. No one would ever meet and get married if they did not think good things about the person they are dating. Also, you can’t know what a deal breaker is before you get to know the person and sometimes dealbreakers can be overlooked if the person has everything else they are looking for.
 

PineTreeFarmer

Woodpecker
Woman
Protestant
True but why not think positive. No one would ever meet and get married if they did not think good things about the person they are dating. Also, you can’t know what a deal breaker is before you get to know the person and sometimes dealbreakers can be overlooked if the person has everything else they are looking for.
Honestly. I could totally cook dinner while people hiking or biking or hunting a mountain enjoyed their day, and be a good partner every other day of the year.
 

TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
I think we all need to share our top 5 most important things in our courtship "dating" profile.
I'll go first..
1. Take the best, realistic picture of yourself, or have a professional portrait done by a photographer.
2. Share your faith, beliefs, the essentials and non-essentials that you practice.
3. Don't constantly complain and be positive about life.
4. State clearly your intentions, outcome and time frame.
5. Be honest and genuine, trust is the foundation to a relationship.
Bonus* Dog friendly NOT cat, grew up with animals and allow them on furniture and/or bed.
View attachment 48082
I totally agree with you. No one is perfect, and there will always be things you wish a person could or would do, but the most important thing to look for in a partner is trustworthiness, honesty, shared faith and a positive attitude.
 

christie2

Woodpecker
Woman
Non-Christian
To the OP's thread title, I believe you can tell a man is ready to raise a family if he signals he has the capability to provide.

Either by signalling a current occupation he holds, or signalling the number of supportive survival skills he currently can demonstrate or signalling the amount of secure resources he currently owns and controls.
He will be overdoing the posturing and displaying on these, almost making you sick of seeing and hearing about how well he can take care of you and family.

They don't stop either.(Thanks to my Dad)

They will continually 'brag and boast and demonstrate' throughout the kids' childhoods. I guess as a way to set a good example for how the male child should become and what the female child should look for in a husband.

When you start seeing indicators of these, that keep increasing;

get excited, he is ready to settle down.
 

PineTreeFarmer

Woodpecker
Woman
Protestant
Men seem to settle down -- and this is statistically, and via information I read in an article somebody wrote:

They made a study in regard to the times in his life a man will marry:
A few years after his first job...and then maybe a few years after that, when he is starting to gain momentum in his career.
Mid 20s seems to be the "prime time" for marriage for men.:(
What do you do when you are still looking and not at all happy with the selection that's out there...and what do you do if you are my age or older, and you'd like to remarry?:(
I'm not sure what you do when you're dissatisfied with what's out there except maybe fish in another pond? I'm almost 40, and I've had a lot more luck with younger men than men my own age and older. I guess at a certain point you have to decide what really matters to you and maybe reevaluate what you're able to overlook in a potential mate? Maybe choose to find charm in what you might otherwise deem failure?
 

Starlight

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
I'm not sure what you do when you're dissatisfied with what's out there except maybe fish in another pond? I'm almost 40, and I've had a lot more luck with younger men than men my own age and older. I guess at a certain point you have to decide what really matters to you and maybe reevaluate what you're able to overlook in a potential mate? Maybe choose to find charm in what you might otherwise deem failure?
Don’t reply, it’s spam. There’s posts all over from the same account
 

Cynllo

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Either by signalling a current occupation he holds, or signalling the number of supportive survival skills he currently can demonstrate or signalling the amount of secure resources he currently owns and controls.
He will be overdoing the posturing and displaying on these, almost making you sick of seeing and hearing about how well he can take care of you and family.

This leads to a double sided-problem. When do women decide to settle down? Along with the answer to the men question - the answer is increasingly never, or too late, or very late...

I have been pursuing for some time and I have enough owned and controlled resources to support a wife and large family. And I don't want a wife who works. Very few women fit in that category from Vladivostok to Anchorage. It means nothing to most women, and most will rather work for $100 in savable income than consider this. Most relationships in the West just kind of end up at marriage or open-ended cohabiting, often after years of aimless dating.

The answer to the women question is typically when it's getting very late, when the window for them to have children is falling to 3, 2, 1, 0.

For men, some mature and start to like the idea of marriage, kids, having someone there for the rest of their life. But they often don't have much resources to pursue that.

So the average age of marriage is now about 33 (f) and 35 (m).

As a society, the answer is men and women don't decide when they settle down. It has been fostered and enabled by the stewards of the culture that parents usher their children into adulthood, responsibility and marriage at an early age. If you leave people to their devices, they will end up as we are now.

There is another type of man who might signal his resources (which could be exaggerate or made up) - players.

I never give women much idea about my resources. I think it's a magnet for exactly the wrong woman. There are things that they should be able to pick up on that let them know it is the case. But I find they really don't dig into it for the most part. And if they do, I become suspicious. Most women are looking for some sort of mix between status and stimulation of feel good chemicals. And by the time they are at the later stages of their fertility, a mix of relationships, work and negative cultural influences don't leave them too thrilled about their guy to settle on.
 

christie2

Woodpecker
Woman
Non-Christian
This leads to a double sided-problem. When do women decide to settle down? Along with the answer to the men question - the answer is increasingly never, or too late, or very late...

I have been pursuing for some time and I have enough owned and controlled resources to support a wife and large family. And I don't want a wife who works. Very few women fit in that category from Vladivostok to Anchorage. It means nothing to most women, and most will rather work for $100 in savable income than consider this. Most relationships in the West just kind of end up at marriage or open-ended cohabiting, often after years of aimless dating.

The answer to the women question is typically when it's getting very late, when the window for them to have children is falling to 3, 2, 1, 0.

For men, some mature and start to like the idea of marriage, kids, having someone there for the rest of their life. But they often don't have much resources to pursue that.

So the average age of marriage is now about 33 (f) and 35 (m).

As a society, the answer is men and women don't decide when they settle down. It has been fostered and enabled by the stewards of the culture that parents usher their children into adulthood, responsibility and marriage at an early age. If you leave people to their devices, they will end up as we are now.

There is another type of man who might signal his resources (which could be exaggerate or made up) - players.

I never give women much idea about my resources. I think it's a magnet for exactly the wrong woman. There are things that they should be able to pick up on that let them know it is the case. But I find they really don't dig into it for the most part. And if they do, I become suspicious. Most women are looking for some sort of mix between status and stimulation of feel good chemicals. And by the time they are at the later stages of their fertility, a mix of relationships, work and negative cultural influences don't leave them too thrilled about their guy to settle on.
First, thank you for replying and congratulations on reaching this point in your life resource wise!!
I got a little happy myself, just reading that!! although my time is past, (it was past at 22 yrs old) and I recognise my role now at 49 and postmenopausal, is to encourage people like you Cynllo.

Very good signalling you did in this post, I'm telling you, it worked :) and will work on the woman in the age you require to be able to give birth.

I'll try to respond to the rest of your thoughts now....

it is my thought that the men who are ready to be the alpha provider simply do not sell themselves enough.
It truly has to become your brand, "I am Cynllo, the man who can take care of my wife who doesn't work outside the home and I have everything we'll need resource wise to have a large family"

I should be able to go to your profile and see this 'brand'
There's apparently young, fertile women right here on this board who may visit your profile and see your signalling.

There's two or three upcoming trad events where you can 'advertise' that you are attending and what you can offer.

I don't know why more men aren't buxxmaxxing their dating strategy if you are actually ready for a wife and family.

You're alpha and you understand the dating market so you won't get taken advantage of.
 
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Blade Runner

Hummingbird
Orthodox
As a society, the answer is men and women don't decide when they settle down. It has been fostered and enabled by the stewards of the culture that parents usher their children into adulthood, responsibility and marriage at an early age. If you leave people to their devices, they will end up as we are now.
Yes, this is why the answer is so confusing for most. Either the spirit of the age is a good one, or it is a bad one. If you don't have loyal or traditional women offering characteristics that are good as wives and mothers, it's going to be hard to attract men to marriage. As Kevin Samuels used to say, women control sex and reproduction (children), and men control (the ability to have) relationships and marriage. Thus, we have a dance, as men want sex and children, and women want commitment and children (in their natural states).

Now that men can (theoretically at least) get sex without commitment, why would they commit - and to women not worth committing to (promiscuous ones!)? Whether it is a particular woman's fault or not, men get a message from the society that women can do everything that they can, and that women largely aren't going to be loyal as partners. The law solidifies this even more, sadly. Thus, it's clear why we see what we see in the modern day.
 

TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
Yes, this is why the answer is so confusing for most. Either the spirit of the age is a good one, or it is a bad one. If you don't have loyal or traditional women offering characteristics that are good as wives and mothers, it's going to be hard to attract men to marriage. As Kevin Samuels used to say, women control sex and reproduction (children), and men control (the ability to have) relationships and marriage. Thus, we have a dance, as men want sex and children, and women want commitment and children (in their natural states).

Now that men can (theoretically at least) get sex without commitment, why would they commit - and to women not worth committing to (promiscuous ones!)? Whether it is a particular woman's fault or not, men get a message from the society that women can do everything that they can, and that women largely aren't going to be loyal as partners. The law solidifies this even more, sadly. Thus, it's clear why we see what we see in the modern day.
You made some good points. Why would men commit when they can have everything they want without a commitment? This seems to be the situation we are in today. Men are saying, why bother getting married if you are offering it to me for free? In the past a man would need to marry and according to the Catholic church's teachings, it was a sin to deny their spouse his or her marriage rights, so men chose marriage at a young age while knowing they had an obligation to provide for their wife and children. To make things more complicated, women today have been given confusing messages from men, basically they think that men want them to look hot, so they act and dress that way, then they think if they give a man what he wants he will stick around, maybe these women don't make good partners as they might be the type who are always looking for something better, but they are trying to please men as it is in their nature to do so, and if they don't please their man, the guy can easily replace them with someone who will. In the past women were encouraged to stay chaste and the men were more respectful of them and wanted them as marriage partners.
 
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TheosisSeeker

Woodpecker
Orthodox Catechumen
First, thank you for replying and congratulations on reaching this point in your life resource wise!!
I got a little happy myself, just reading that!! although my time is past, (it was past at 22 yrs old) and I recognise my role now at 49 and postmenopausal, is to encourage people like you Cynllo.

Very good signalling you did in this post, I'm telling you, it worked :) and will work on the woman in the age you require to be able to give birth.

I'll try to respond to the rest of your thoughts now....

it is my thought that the men who are ready to be the alpha provider simply do not sell themselves enough.
It truly has to become your brand, "I am Cynllo, the man who can take care of my wife who doesn't work outside the home and I have everything we'll need resource wise to have a large family"

I should be able to go to your profile and see this 'brand'
There's apparently young, fertile women right here on this board who may visit your profile and see your signalling.

There's two or three upcoming trad events where you can 'advertise' that you are attending and what you can offer.

I don't know why more men aren't buxxmaxxing their dating strategy if you are actually ready for a wife and family.

You're alpha and you understand the dating market so you won't get taken advantage of.

I agree with you especially the part about not advertising ourselves enough.

However, in the US if you advertise anything related to resources even if you are subtle and not flashy it tends to attract sugaring type women that want to exploit you. I believe this is because the pool for traditional type women is low at least in my area.

I've had random conversations with women around the ages of 25-30 and I got the vibe after many weeks that they were looking more to exploit my resources than do their part as a traditional wife. That's what I am dealing with.

Also her declaring herself Christian or Trad or whatever is no guarantee. I was speaking on the phone with a Trad Catholic woman who was trying to insinuate that I move her and her mother to my state cause I was relatively close to a large Trad community. Her agenda was obvious.

So, if you have any suggestions on proper screening in a subtle way, that would be helpful.
 

messaggera

Pelican
Woman
Other Christian
To make things more complicated, women today have been given confusing messages from men, basically they think that men want them to look hot, so they act and dress that way

The confusing messages are [perpetuated] by women; more so than men.

The lack of accountability from women is why we have these modesty issues in Western society.

In the past women were encouraged to stay chaste and the men were more respectful of them and wanted them as marriage partners.

Women are no longer encouraged to be modest, nor discrete. Social media, entertainment publications, mainstream, even toy dolls young girls play encourage promiscuity.
 

christie2

Woodpecker
Woman
Non-Christian
I agree with you especially the part about not advertising ourselves enough.

However, in the US if you advertise anything related to resources even if you are subtle and not flashy it tends to attract sugaring type women that want to exploit you. I believe this is because the pool for traditional type women is low at least in my area.

I've had random conversations with women around the ages of 25-30 and I got the vibe after many weeks that they were looking more to exploit my resources than do their part as a traditional wife. That's what I am dealing with.

Also her declaring herself Christian or Trad or whatever is no guarantee. I was speaking on the phone with a Trad Catholic woman who was trying to insinuate that I move her and her mother to my state cause I was relatively close to a large Trad community. Her agenda was obvious.

So, if you have any suggestions on proper screening in a subtle way, that would be helpful.
Hi, great profile name.

There's something called the RAS.
Its the reticular activating system.

If you are familiar with my secular brothers-from-a-different-mother Owen Cook and Julien Blanc, they speak of this in one of their seminars/youtube. I am not linking here as they are both secular(although Owen has been interested in Christianity in the past year and Julien is happily married to a lady that identifies as Christian)

As I understand RAS, when you're dreading/ expecting poor behaviour, you're going to see it....you'll think you see it everywhere.

I have to say, thatwas pretty rude for someone to expect you to move BOTH her AND her mother. I have more time later to reply more

read with caution i only skimmed the cached page, haven't read yet

 
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TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
The confusing messages are [perpetuated] by women; more so than men.

The lack of accountability from women is why we have these modesty issues in Western society.



Women are no longer encouraged to be modest, nor discrete. Social media, entertainment publications, mainstream, even toy dolls young girls play encourage promiscuity.
Can you give me some examples of the confusing messages being perpetuated by women and what do you mean by lack of accountability? I know they have been encouraged to dress immodestly by main stream society. I have often see mothers and daughters both wear tight revealing clothes, so you know in these cases their daughters have no idea they are doing anything wrong, I have even seen dads walking next to their daughters who were wearing tight revealing shorts without saying a word to them. It is accepted as normal today. But I was referring to women who do it to get the attention of men. I am in complete agreement with the fact that the young girls toys encourage promiscuity, along with media and entertainment.
 

Blade Runner

Hummingbird
Orthodox
but they are trying to please men as it is in their nature to do so,
I don't see this. I see the sex stuff in the west as outright rebellion or pure bait and switch for resources. How many are nurturing? How many cook and clean and show that they want to take care of a man? The message largely is that men are just accessories, and women tend to take this way of thinking. Right or wrong, women don't think they need to put that much effort into these things, because at worst they can just work their silly job to take care of themselves.

I'm still surprised that so few realize how great of a deal marrying a guy who will take care of you is. You get a family and don't have to work ever again. Why don't people talk about how much their is to gain? All guys are asking for are younger ages of women and some basic household things. It's really not that much at all, to be honest. That's why when they're in their 30s they realize it was such a mistake. I wonder how many women, though (maybe you can tell me), believe they would have to "settle" if they married in their 20s, and how realistic it is that the guy(s) in question are that much lower than they are in total evaluation/matchmaking criteria.
 

TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
I don't see this. I see the sex stuff in the west as outright rebellion or pure bait and switch for resources. How many are nurturing? How many cook and clean and show that they want to take care of a man? The message largely is that men are just accessories, and women tend to take this way of thinking. Right or wrong, women don't think they need to put that much effort into these things, because at worst they can just work their silly job to take care of themselves.

I'm still surprised that so few realize how great of a deal marrying a guy who will take care of you is. You get a family and don't have to work ever again. Why don't people talk about how much their is to gain? All guys are asking for are younger ages of women and some basic household things. It's really not that much at all, to be honest. That's why when they're in their 30s they realize it was such a mistake. I wonder how many women, though (maybe you can tell me), believe they would have to "settle" if they married in their 20s, and how realistic it is that the guy(s) in question are that much lower than they are in total evaluation/matchmaking criteria

Women like different things in a person so there is not a simple answer to that question. Historically I it has been a woman’s nature to please men and that is the way things worked in most cultures throughout the past. For example look at the Muslim culture, or look at India where the women learn to cook and take care of their husband, home, and family at a young age. Now compare that to the USA where women are encouraged from a young age to believe that they need to be independent. Some women end up very unhappy and confused when they find out a good job is not as rewarding as they were led to believe and you can’t expect young women to know it does not make them feel the way they thought it would until they have experienced it for themselves.
 

TMarie

Sparrow
Woman
Catholic
Sorry something went wrong with my last reply. I was using my cell phone and may have back spaced into his comment and that is why it has his name on it. Here is my reply to his question.

Women like different things in a person so there is not a simple answer to that question. Historically I it has been a woman’s nature to please men and that is the way things worked in most cultures throughout the past. For example look at the Muslim culture, or look at India where the women learn to cook and take care of their husband, home, and family at a young age. Now compare that to the USA where women are encouraged from a young age to believe that they need to be independent. Some women end up very unhappy and confused when they find out a good job is not as rewarding as they were led to believe and you can’t expect young women to know it does not make them feel the way they thought it would until they have experienced it for themselves.
 
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