Lazuli Waves
Woodpecker
Polite? A push-over? Shy? White knight? Male feminist? A moral person? Agreeable? Not a jerk? Rule-follower? I don't understand because the word "nice" in general is hard to define. It's like the word "good."
When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
- Thread starter Lazuli Waves
- Start date
It means your personality is so dull and boring that the only good thing people can think to say about you is that your "nice". Not you specifically, but you get the gist.
Think in reverse. If you were talking about a girl and called her a "nice girl", instead of referencing an actual good trait like being good looking, or being funny etc, then it wouldnt really be a compliment. "Nice" is one of the least positive things you can say about a person.
Think in reverse. If you were talking about a girl and called her a "nice girl", instead of referencing an actual good trait like being good looking, or being funny etc, then it wouldnt really be a compliment. "Nice" is one of the least positive things you can say about a person.
Douglas Quaid
Kingfisher
With women, it means you don't give them tingles. With men, it means you let yourself get taken advantage of.
What you want is someone to say you're a great man instead of a nice guy.
What you want is someone to say you're a great man instead of a nice guy.
^What the above two said
This book oughtta fill you in:
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004C438CW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004C438CW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Even if you're a good looking "nice" guy then lasting attraction will dry up when a woman finally senses that she cannot commit your good graces to herself primarily.
In biological terms she's not interested in a guy that will "waste" an unreasonable amount of resources on people that aren't her or her kids. Husbands and fathers will have experienced this female drive in even the most characteristically benevolent wife from time to time.
John from down the road helps you out several times but when the time comes to return the favor she starts asking why he can't sort his own problems out.
This is unfortunately a female drive for which there is no simple solution and as women gain more power in society the civilised reciprocal behaviour of men required to keep society running smoothly is increasingly maligned in the relationship market.
When a woman says she wants a nice guy what she means is she wants a guy that will be nice to her but be ready to slit the throat of the guy who cut her off when he merged on to the freeway.
In biological terms she's not interested in a guy that will "waste" an unreasonable amount of resources on people that aren't her or her kids. Husbands and fathers will have experienced this female drive in even the most characteristically benevolent wife from time to time.
John from down the road helps you out several times but when the time comes to return the favor she starts asking why he can't sort his own problems out.
This is unfortunately a female drive for which there is no simple solution and as women gain more power in society the civilised reciprocal behaviour of men required to keep society running smoothly is increasingly maligned in the relationship market.
When a woman says she wants a nice guy what she means is she wants a guy that will be nice to her but be ready to slit the throat of the guy who cut her off when he merged on to the freeway.
I'm generally considered a "nice guy" and I found that after removing just one part of that identity I started to see a lot more respect from men and attention from women:
I had been liberally doling out unearned love, attention, and respect.
As soon as I stopped doing that, life got way easier and more fun.
I had been liberally doling out unearned love, attention, and respect.
As soon as I stopped doing that, life got way easier and more fun.
The Catalyst
Ostrich
I think they are trying to rationalise why they don't want to be nice. But who knows. Maybe Anglo girls are just that feral.
In my experience I almost always could've done better being nicer and done worse being less nice.
IIRC, Krauser and Steve Jabba both agree being nice is good/effective.
In my experience I almost always could've done better being nicer and done worse being less nice.
IIRC, Krauser and Steve Jabba both agree being nice is good/effective.
I think the term nice guy (as a negative) is very misleading. It gives the impression that you shouldn't be a nice or good person.
A nice guy, in the negative sense, is one that makes his niceness his thing, someone who wears their niceness on their sleeve. When interacting with females, it's all about how nice he is. It's good to be a nice person, but when the interaction revolves around your niceness, you become a weird nicey nice guy and it's offputting because niceness is more effective when it's accompanied by other characteristics, including negative ones. If you're always nice it comes off as fake. Not to mention that females like to see negative characteristics from time to time.
When nice guys say "but I'm a nice guy, not like those assholes" they're right. The assholes are assholes, and the nice guy really is nice. The problem is, the nice guy is nothing but nice. It's like 10 sugars in your coffee.
I mean look at my warning level. It's 60%. You think it's the first time I've been in trouble? You think I haven't been suspended for a week more than once? I'm the bad boy of the forum and that's why I get so much of my surname.
A nice guy, in the negative sense, is one that makes his niceness his thing, someone who wears their niceness on their sleeve. When interacting with females, it's all about how nice he is. It's good to be a nice person, but when the interaction revolves around your niceness, you become a weird nicey nice guy and it's offputting because niceness is more effective when it's accompanied by other characteristics, including negative ones. If you're always nice it comes off as fake. Not to mention that females like to see negative characteristics from time to time.
When nice guys say "but I'm a nice guy, not like those assholes" they're right. The assholes are assholes, and the nice guy really is nice. The problem is, the nice guy is nothing but nice. It's like 10 sugars in your coffee.
I mean look at my warning level. It's 60%. You think it's the first time I've been in trouble? You think I haven't been suspended for a week more than once? I'm the bad boy of the forum and that's why I get so much of my surname.
Vladimir Poontang said:
Leonard D Neubache said:
This is a very sharp post. I agree with this.
Eban
Robin
I remember one night, a while ago, when I was out and pulled a stunner from the club and, instead of taking her home to "u no wat", I took her to a 24/7 cafe to build "comfort" because this is what I read in the Mystery Method. I remember her getting bored with our "date" and deciding to get into a taxi and bounce. As I was walking her to the cab I remember her patting me on the back telling how NICE I was... Learned a few things that night.
Batman_
Kingfisher
Repo said:
Alternatively, it can also mean you are a pushover/doormat and "psuedo" nice, only pretending to be caring; self-sacrificing with an ulterior motive - hoping that you can exchange favors for intimacy.
Either one of these definitions is equally bad imo. Now there is such a thing is a "genuine" nice guy, someone who is empathetic and very thoughtful of others - if he can do this while also being a leader and putting his foot down when necessary, this is an attractive quality.
I don't think most normal women want to be tyranized...they want to be led. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but being nice is just one trait among many, and if your entire ego is attached to being a "nice guy" it simply means you have nothing else to offer with your personality.
Think about it this way...if you met 5 women, and they all thought you were "nice", but made no impression on any of them whatsoever, then you are essentially a nonentity to them. Wouldn't it be far better if 4 of them thought you were an asshole, and 1 of them thought you were the shit?
Checkmat
Pelican
I was out with a girl once (whom I had already had very rough, degrading pre-marital relations with on the first date) and we were sipping drinks in a swanky lounge, bullshitting and she mentioned (I forget what preceded this), "you are like the perfect balance between asshole and nice guy."
And the entire time I thought I was being an asshole with her (refusing her requests, doing my own thing, owning her in bed) and it STILL was just right in the middle of the spectrum to her.
And the entire time I thought I was being an asshole with her (refusing her requests, doing my own thing, owning her in bed) and it STILL was just right in the middle of the spectrum to her.
The Catalyst said:
Krauser advocates for being nice? Are you kidding me? That's not at all what he advocates.
Batman_ said:
Both of the above are true.
When women say they want a nice guy, they mean that they want a guy who is:
* Bold/determined
* Charismatic/Outgoing
* Teasing/Fun
* Strong/Fit
* Driven towards his own goals, he doesn't put others before him, sometimes this comes off as asshole-ish
* Successful or on his way to being successful.
* Willing to say no, effortlessly.
* ETC...
And then after all of those things, if he can treat her nicely every once in a while or do something sweet out of the blue. THEN that's the nice part she wants. She doesn't want you to be a complete brute, but she does not want anything CLOSE to a doormat/supplicating guy.
Even the most mild-mannered/goody two shoes girl doesn't want a guy that she can describe mainly as "nice."
I think it was T.V. that said that both hate and love are strong emotions which are therefore related. On the other hand, liking and indifference are closely related. Therefore, it is far easier to go from hate to love than it is to go from being liked to being loved. Therefore, a "nice guy" is someone who does not act in such a way to excite others, because they present no challenges to the frame of other people - both men and women. Our social nature means that in order for someone to be attractive, they need to be a challenger to the status quo and to be a threat to the business-as-usual.
Essentially, being a man is a lot like being a start-up. You need to be a disrupter if you want to get anywhere. If you're not disrupting, you're irrelevant and uninteresting.
Essentially, being a man is a lot like being a start-up. You need to be a disrupter if you want to get anywhere. If you're not disrupting, you're irrelevant and uninteresting.