Where have all the good women gone?

[Georges89]

What meditation centre(s) would you recommend? I read some of Robert Wright's book on meditation and the truths of Buddhism recently and was quite persuaded.

I think the problem a lot of people of both sexes have is that their hobbies are either embarrassingly geeky (mostly men) or non-existent (both sexes). So particularly on dating apps they are all reduced to playing it safe and talking about the fact they go on holiday once or twice a year and watch things on Netflix. And of course they are convinced eating a pub lunch a few times a month makes them a real "foodie".

But yeah, women (people) with other things going on in their lives not only seem more interesting but are more interesting.

You are definitely right. In asset management, this is known as 'benchmark hugging'. Play it safe and at least don't be seen as weird, instead of taking more of a risk to connect with others who might also be on your level. It's a far more effecient way. And I guess that's why people on here talk about meeting Church women. There is also something good about the iterativeness of these environments. You see this really beautiful girl, and you know shes going to go back to church / said hobby / place of worship next week for example and there is something very exciting and natural about looking forward to the next opportunity to see her.

That said, having an interest in something like meditation or a particular hobby is of course a great way to meet a women. And online, I honestly doubt more than 1/100 of those women have ever been to a meditation centre, let alone even contemplated. So when you actually go to your particular hobby or pursuit, whatever it is, everyone who comes through the door by default already shares the same interest as you to some degree and you should 'get on' with most of these women, let alone all. A much much better starting point than online dating.

As for meditation centres, there are a few. The London Buddhist Centre is a good one. In a funny way, Buddhism has kind of been my 'church' on and off. And in hindsight there were some good quality women there, depending on how you define good quality. Probably less the have kids and family type and a bit more libertarian / open minded / intellectual / wholesome types with some depth. Of course the problem with spirtual types on this path is that you sometimes meet the left wing activists so you have to be careful, as it does tend to attract those types. My sense is that the church is certainly a more conservative environment compared.

So my question as things (hopefully) start to reopen is how to engage with these old and new communities. A mix of a meditation group and a weekly church thing might work though. The two can be compatible to some degree, at least for a time period. I still need to investigate which spirtual path is the right one for me, assuming I should pick one.

 

[Waverer]

Thanks. I would have assumed that young women at meditation centres in London would be woke, modern, feminist types - am I wrong? (I hope so.)

 

[MovingForward2050]

RedBeard, I take the point. But in all reality, maybe I'm too confident / naive, but what is actually stopping me from getting a good, faithful Christian woman if I watch porn? It's not something I do on a daily basis at the moment anyway, more of a now and then thing. I'll admit that I do wonder whether it has affected my soul on some kind of deeper level, and whether there is a 'darkness' that affects all porn users in a similar way, that might be picked up on by these women, but outside of that, unless you brought it up on a first date, I don't see how it would be an issue.

I think giving up porn for an indefinite time period and quitting masturbating too would probably be a good idea at an energetic level. But I'm curious as to how it would stop me from marrying a Christian woman. Especially given each woman is going to have some of their own ideas and preferences, maybe some are a bit more libertarian then others.

In my opinion it would affect your spiritual sensitivity, and your ability to have the Holy Spirit with you. And if she has the Spirit, she will feel it in you, and it will affect her attraction. Also, once you are married, and she finds out about your porn usage, it will create a major sense in her of having been deceived and betrayed by you. And keep in mind, quitting porn may take much longer than you predict.

From the female perspective on porn...

Should You Date a Man Who Struggles with Porn?

75% of young Christian men (18-30 years old) view porn at least “several times a month,” and 61% say at least “several times a week.”

www.covenanteyes.com

What's the truth about guys and porn?

Do all men struggle with pornography? Is an addiction to pornography impossible to overcome? How does this issue affect dating decisions?

www.boundless.org

Is My Boyfriend’s Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

Porn ravages souls. Porn demeans women. Porn destroys love. So should porn use be a marriage deal-breaker?

www.desiringgod.org

Woman Dating or Engaged to Man Addicted to Pornography

Porn use is a red flag for your relationship. Get help as a couple to understand the addiction and take an honest look at healthy next steps.

www.focusonthefamily.com

Should My Boyfriend's Porn Addiction Be a Relationship Deal-Breaker?

Porn is the new normal, and this is the sobering refrain I've heard shattered girlfriends repeat:

www.reviveourhearts.com

Your Boyfriend Is Using Porn. Should You Break Up With Him? - Lies Young Women Believe

I recently emailed Pastor John Piper the following question, speaking on behalf of many other single women who desire to navigate the dating years ahead with both grace and realistic wisdom: Should the present presence of pornography in a man's life be a marriage deal breaker for single women...

liesyoungwomenbelieve.com

Dating and Pornography

Guidance for young adults who are dating someone who has struggled with pornography.

www.churchofjesuschrist.org

 

[questor70]

To the tattoo parlor.

 

[redbeard]

RedBeard, I take the point. But in all reality, maybe I'm too confident / naive, but what is actually stopping me from getting a good, faithful Christian woman if I watch porn? It's not something I do on a daily basis at the moment anyway, more of a now and then thing.

Attraction 101 is that you connect with people you're most similar to. A real, faithful, Christian girl is not going to be attracted to a guy who lives in mortal sin and experiments with "meditation centers." On the flip-side, would a devout Christian man be attracted to a girl who spends every Saturday night getting blitzkrieg drunk at the club? No.

I'll admit that I do wonder whether it has affected my soul on some kind of deeper level, and whether there is a 'darkness' that affects all porn users in a similar way, that might be picked up on by these women, but outside of that, unless you brought it up on a first date, I don't see how it would be an issue.

This might not come up on a Tinder date, but Christians date for marriage. This WILL come up during the courtship/engagement process, and if it isn't, y'all aren't close enough to get married yet.

I think giving up porn for an indefinite time period and quitting masturbating too would probably be a good idea at an energetic level. But I'm curious as to how it would stop me from marrying a Christian woman. Especially given each woman is going to have some of their own ideas and preferences, maybe some are a bit more libertarian then others.

If you want a "libertarian" woman, go ahead, but it's likely she'll be "libertarian" as well...just with other men.

 

[No-Designation Man]

It's not something I do on a daily basis at the moment anyway, more of a now and then thing.

You make it sound like you simply haven't been 'chronic' for a few days, but are about to nonchalantly relapse at any moment.

I'll admit that I do wonder whether it has affected my soul on some kind of deeper level, and whether there is a 'darkness' that affects all porn users in a similar way, that might be picked up on by these women

The fact that it's always being "picked up" by God should be your primary concern.

I think giving up porn for an indefinite time period and quitting masturbating too would probably be a good idea at an energetic level.

Sir; you really need to quickly re-examine your motives here. It's a good idea at an eternal salvation/damnation level.

 

[infowarrior1]

Have you been to a large evangelical church in London? Or a Catholic church, or (for the sake of keeping our host happy and of accuracy) an Eastern Orthodox church?

Mainly because of immigration from more religious countries, London is now the most religious part of England and Wales. Secular hipsters in the media co-exist with lots of church-goers, not always happily.

Anyway, the idea you won't find lots of young religious women in London churches really doesn't ring true. A friend who met her husband at Holy Trinity Brompton said it's otherwise known as "Have That Bride!".

My problem is I fear I am not nearly religious enough for these women and reading C S Lewis books and the like hasn't really changed my mind.

Reading the Scriptures will help with that.

And those youtube channels:

InspiringPhilosophy

My name is Michael Jones. I plan on creating a new video every month dealing with philosophical and apologetic questions. If you have any questions don't hes...

www.youtube.com

Whaddo You Meme??

If you enjoy talking about Christianity, Christian Apologetics, current cultural issues, religion, politics, laughing, and stuff like that, we've got you cov...

www.youtube.com

You can be religious in a rational sense.

 

[Georges89]

Thanks. I would have assumed that young women at meditation centres in London would be woke, modern, feminist types - am I wrong? (I hope so.)

They are not on the whole. There are some activists that attach themselves to Buddhism, the ones that think they are there to save the earth, but on the whole, no. Most of the women tend to be pretty chilled, but that said I don't know how the younger buddhist types will be effected from the recent BLM brainwashing.

 

[Waverer]

You are definitely right. In asset management, this is known as 'benchmark hugging'. Play it safe and at least don't be seen as weird, instead of taking more of a risk to connect with others who might also be on your level.

Great analogy. It's widening your net to catch anyone - and then being surprised you have little in common.

I've been as guilty of it as anyone then wondered why I have much better luck with women I meet organically. I may try putting a lot more personal info on some dating apps and see what comes of it. Certainly I find it frustrating when the tables are turned, as you'll have gathered above. I like the look of the woman but then her profile gives me so little to start a conversation with either on the app or in real life.

 

[_Spyridon_]

Remember God's view of all his perfect creation, including Eve. "... it was very good." (Genesis 1:27-28, 31)

"Who ate the apple?"
Both of them. (Genesis 3:6)

"Who drug Adam from paradise?"
God himself, although it was more of a 'push', rather than a pull/drag. (Genesis 3:24)

*The Rebellion in Eden*
Eve was "deceived" with desire of empowerment. (Genesis 3:2-6. 1 Timothy 2:14)

Adam was consumed with desire of, how can I word this, pleasing the vagina. (Genesis 3:17)

What was the Divine judgment?

Both were expelled from Paradise, and both eventually died.

Women and Men are the same, FauxFox - we all need Redemption.

Wow your posts have been helpful for me. Thank you very much

 

[rookie112]

There aren't any decent women left as the media has told them all men are bad.the best solution is for men to accept a lonely life with occasional 'fun' on the side.better to pursue other things in life than waste energy on women who don't appreciate a mans time and don't prey to God.you could have an extra career today/life today considering how much effort it is to find a good wife..

 

[WesternPilgrim]

To marry is to bear the Cross. Whoever does not have the grace from God to be celibate will have to marry a real woman from this century. To say there aren't decent women left is immaterial. Are you able to live without the opposite sex? Pray to God about this. If the answer is no, the next question becomes; where can I meet women of the (relative) highest quality? And it seems evident that, however difficult the times are, our best odds are with truly believing women in solid churches. But until you are able to love a sinner marriage will not satisfy you.

 

[Blade Runner]

To marry is to bear the Cross. Whoever does not have the grace from God to be celibate will have to marry a real woman from this century. To say there aren't decent women left is immaterial. Are you able to live without the opposite sex? Pray to God about this. If the answer is no, the next question becomes; where can I meet women of the (relative) highest quality? And it seems evident that, however difficult the times are, our best odds are with truly believing women in solid churches. But until you are able to love a sinner marriage will not satisfy you.

Most of us agree, but the question remains, how far do you go with all of this "man up" stuff which still exists in Christian circles? Should we marry a hambeast and "bear that cross"? I'm sure they exist, but "truly believing women in solid churches" have been few and far between given the general inability for women to not be social animals, directed by the culture, in the times we live in. Like the males I see, and have seen in life, how many are Orthodox when it really comes down to it, and how many are "Orthodox"? We can help shape and guide and provide, but surely there must be something in it for the man, or else all I see is mocking and emasculation, which is a weird thing for a man to willingly enter into.

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

In my opinion it would affect your spiritual sensitivity, and your ability to have the Holy Spirit with you. And if she has the Spirit, she will feel it in you, and it will affect her attraction. Also, once you are married, and she finds out about your porn usage, it will create a major sense in her of having been deceived and betrayed by you. And keep in mind, quitting porn may take much longer than you predict.

From the female perspective on porn...

Should You Date a Man Who Struggles with Porn?

75% of young Christian men (18-30 years old) view porn at least “several times a month,” and 61% say at least “several times a week.”

www.covenanteyes.com

What's the truth about guys and porn?

Do all men struggle with pornography? Is an addiction to pornography impossible to overcome? How does this issue affect dating decisions?

www.boundless.org

Is My Boyfriend’s Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

Porn ravages souls. Porn demeans women. Porn destroys love. So should porn use be a marriage deal-breaker?

www.desiringgod.org

Woman Dating or Engaged to Man Addicted to Pornography

Porn use is a red flag for your relationship. Get help as a couple to understand the addiction and take an honest look at healthy next steps.

www.focusonthefamily.com

Should My Boyfriend's Porn Addiction Be a Relationship Deal-Breaker?

Porn is the new normal, and this is the sobering refrain I've heard shattered girlfriends repeat:

www.reviveourhearts.com

Your Boyfriend Is Using Porn. Should You Break Up With Him? - Lies Young Women Believe

I recently emailed Pastor John Piper the following question, speaking on behalf of many other single women who desire to navigate the dating years ahead with both grace and realistic wisdom: Should the present presence of pornography in a man's life be a marriage deal breaker for single women...

liesyoungwomenbelieve.com

Dating and Pornography

Guidance for young adults who are dating someone who has struggled with pornography.

www.churchofjesuschrist.org

I'd be interested in these stats for Orthodox and Muslim men. I've heard that certain Muslim countries also are high consumers of pornography, but since Orthodoxy and Islam are the only stern blocks against the atheist West that we've got left you'd expect the numbers to be significantly lower, although that may be off since porn just is so readily available. But I think we can all agree that having a Western Christian background with contemporary Catholicism or protestantism is not gonna give you the strength to withstand the winds of secularism and the products like porn that come with it, for Western Christianity has become too secularized and weak to be the rock the secularist waves can crash on while staying immovable and unfazed.

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

Most of us agree, but the question remains, how far do you go with all of this "man up" stuff which still exists in Christian circles? Should we marry a hambeast and "bear that cross"? I'm sure they exist, but "truly believing women in solid churches" have been few and far between given the general inability for women to not be social animals, directed by the culture, in the times we live in. Like the males I see, and have seen in life, how many are Orthodox when it really comes down to it, and how many are "Orthodox"? We can help shape and guide and provide, but surely there must be something in it for the man, or else all I see is mocking and emasculation, which is a weird thing for a man to willingly enter into.

This is exactly a good discussion. Since I'm not in the Church (yet) I don't have experience with how men are ''groomed'' in Christian (from whatever denomination) circles or religious circles in general with regard to accepting in your proverbial words hambeasts i.e. women in general that don't provide their duty and their side of the coin. I've heard quite a lot, especially about protestant circles, that men are often betatized in churches to essentially be the hambeast carrying, suck it up beta nice guy provider, which from my understanding about Christianity thus far wouldn't at all be how it ought to be for both parties have a duty and a role to fulfill and live up to. But maybe certain denominations are so secularized that the whole soyboy beta wageslave loser kind of mentality which is prevalent in modernist culture also has found their way into churches, but I can't tell from experience so if anyone has experiences to share about that please do.

 

[Blade Runner]

This is exactly a good discussion. Since I'm not in the Church (yet) I don't have experience with how men are ''groomed'' in Christian (from whatever denomination) circles or religious circles in general with regard to accepting in your proverbial words hambeasts i.e. women in general that don't provide their duty and their side of the coin. I've heard quite a lot, especially about protestant circles, that men are often betatized in churches to essentially be the hambeast carrying, suck it up beta nice guy provider, which from my understanding about Christianity thus far wouldn't at all be how it ought to be for both parties have a duty and a role to fulfill and live up to. But maybe certain denominations are so secularized that the whole soyboy beta wageslave loser kind of mentality which is prevalent in modernist culture also has found their way into churches, but I can't tell from experience so if anyone has experiences to share about that please do.

We don't even have to make it denominational. The issue, as stated, is that men largely won't see all the work they put into life (the fairly successful to very successful ones) as being worth it if they don't get married to women who are in their 20s. Add chubbiness or obesity onto that, let alone disagreeable or manly characteristics, and it's a foregone conclusion. The current discussion is about women almost having zero characteristics of what a wife would bring historically, and a man carrying the entire burden. It's like Men 90%, women 10% at this point, roughly speaking. And no appreciation. Are there exceptions to this? Yes. But people aren't honest about just how demanding monetarily and attention wise women are, if you commit to a marriage, so it's almost an impossible discussion to be had. Dudes just end up checking out, since no one is honest at all about it - it's another hassle to even argue the thing.

 

[WesternPilgrim]

Most of us agree, but the question remains, how far do you go with all of this "man up" stuff which still exists in Christian circles? Should we marry a hambeast and "bear that cross"? I'm sure they exist, but "truly believing women in solid churches" have been few and far between given the general inability for women to not be social animals, directed by the culture, in the times we live in. Like the males I see, and have seen in life, how many are Orthodox when it really comes down to it, and how many are "Orthodox"? We can help shape and guide and provide, but surely there must be something in it for the man, or else all I see is mocking and emasculation, which is a weird thing for a man to willingly enter into.

In my opinion, I would say you would have to put alot of stock in being a strong man whichever way you go. I am certainly not suggesting you should have no frame and just accept bad behaviour. One should have clear boundaries and principles that we never accept any woman trampling on.

The effect of society on women falls broadly on the question I proposed: where can I find (relatively) higher quality women? I.e., in which environments are they better primed? Then you'll need to intersect that with your possibilities. So if you can't really move out of your own country, you'd have to consider dichotomies in your own country, rural vs. countryside etc. But there are always positions with better odds than others. For examples, in my own country I know of places where contact with cosmopolitanism is relatively rare and where families are raised staunchly Catholic.

I would also add that at a certain point you have to start thinking in concentric circles around the perfect goalpost. If it is really true that there are not enough truly believing women in solid churches, then I would suggest broadening one's goalposts just enough that there are women in them. This might sound like a pretty silly thing to say but it is a necessary consequent of having to marry a real woman from this century.

That is not to say that for some it might not be better to give up on marriage altogether. I don't think I am one of those, though.

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

We don't even have to make it denominational. The issue, as stated, is that men largely won't see all the work they put into life (the fairly successful to very successful ones) as being worth it if they don't get married to women who are in their 20s. Add chubbiness or obesity onto that, let alone disagreeable or manly characteristics, and it's a foregone conclusion. The current discussion is about women almost having zero characteristics of what a wife would bring historically, and a man carrying the entire burden. It's like Men 90%, women 10% at this point, roughly speaking. And no appreciation. Are there exceptions to this? Yes. But people aren't honest about just how demanding monetarily and attention wise women are, if you commit to a marriage, so it's almost an impossible discussion to be had. Dudes just end up checking out, since no one is honest at all about it - it's another hassle to even argue the thing.

It's interesting because if we view a traditional marriage, it's very much a 50-50 (I hate that term....) balanced relationship in the sense that both have a different but valuable and clearly cut duty. Both indeed add value and what I find important to note is that, they work together instead of working against one another. The whole modernist, secular paradigm is what can I take, not what can I give. It's such a spectacular difference in approach which indeed now often leads to men carrying the load and getting extracted like a slave, and my argument would be that I'd expect this tendency to have come into religious communities to a degree as well. When I merely was in the red pill secular space I also thought that everything was about taking, taking, taking, all of this competition, but now I realize that having mere traditional values on both sides, man and woman, will solve all this issues beforehand and as long both adhere to their role, it'll be like puzzle pieces fitting together, instead of two bars of iron being slammed against one another constantly.

 

[Blade Runner]

My experience is that a) it's hard for men in this age, b) it's hard for any given orthodox man at this time and age, c) it's hard for any european descent guy because most of the better looking women that were able to be even somewhat feminine were non-white, typically. It's largely a spoiling and SMV thing, with materialism to boot. What the issue is with other races is the progeny issue and the general tendency for women to be leftist/propagandized due to feelings, especially if they are of a different race. Are there exceptions? Yes.

But the fact remains that women in the west are spoiled and/or don't need men - until they are far too old. And then everyone pays the price.

 

[Steady Hands]

We don't even have to make it denominational. The issue, as stated, is that men largely won't see all the work they put into life (the fairly successful to very successful ones) as being worth it if they don't get married to women who are in their 20s. Add chubbiness or obesity onto that, let alone disagreeable or manly characteristics, and it's a foregone conclusion. The current discussion is about women almost having zero characteristics of what a wife would bring historically, and a man carrying the entire burden. It's like Men 90%, women 10% at this point, roughly speaking. And no appreciation. Are there exceptions to this? Yes. But people aren't honest about just how demanding monetarily and attention wise women are, if you commit to a marriage, so it's almost an impossible discussion to be had. Dudes just end up checking out, since no one is honest at all about it - it's another hassle to even argue the thing.

Disagree bro

Happy wife happy life



"Do you want me to be unhappy?"