Whether or not you would let your kids hang out with a family headed by a gay couple

Luna Novem

Woodpecker
Woman
Don't need to normalize... Spending time with family?

I have no interest in anybody's validation, I am offering up my own situation and perspective for examination, for those interested in sussing out where they think the line is and what principles underpin it.

My family (dad, stepmom, brothers - and now my kids and my husband, and my other brother's girlfriend) have had gatherings at my dad's house (where my brothers and I grew up) forever. A really hardline approach would seem to suggest that I shouldn't bring my children if my gay brother will be there (even though nobody would be doing any gay things).

I think that's a bit much.
Well, and also, it leaves virtually no room to show your brother the love of Christ. We were ALL unrepentant sinners until we repented.
 

Vigilant

Woodpecker
Woman
View attachment 30132

46% of homosexual men compared to 7% of heterosexual men reported being sexually abused as children. For women the rates are 22% of lesbians, and 1% of heterosexual women. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11501300/
Politically, making sodomy legal was always going to be the forerunner of pedophilia, since at least the 50's if I remember correctly. If these demons are not stopped, our straight men, especially Christian men will be targeted, so that they can get to our children. Many attorneys are sodomites.

This is why I am on this forum, to encourage men to continue in their courage in protecting women and children.
 

Vigilant

Woodpecker
Woman
This is the best sermon/teaching I have watched on encouraging MASCULINITY, relevant to this very day:
It should have millions of views!

 

SlickyBoy

Hummingbird
Don't need to normalize... Spending time with family?

I have no interest in anybody's validation, I am offering up my own situation and perspective for examination, for those interested in sussing out where they think the line is and what principles underpin it.

My family (dad, stepmom, brothers - and now my kids and my husband, and my other brother's girlfriend) have had gatherings at my dad's house (where my brothers and I grew up) forever. A really hardline approach would seem to suggest that I shouldn't bring my children if my gay brother will be there (even though nobody would be doing any gay things).

I think that's a bit much.
You will be normalizing the inevitable time he wants to bring his new boyfriend/husband/sodomite accomplice over for Christmas. That day will come, and you'll have to find another excuse. Have you thought about that?

You aren't the only one with gay relatives who had to be kept in check after they tried to present subtle demands of acceptance onto the family.

I'm not exactly advocating public stoning or throwing people off of roofs, but some of us would rather not go through life capitulating to whatever comes down the pike out of fear of being labelled with some new spell word. We didn't change, level of decadence did - we have no obligation to be part of it, nor to expose our children to it.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
I have a gay brother. Should I not let him spend time around my kids? He has never had a boyfriend that he wanted to introduce to the family, but if he does in the future, should I keep my children away from that whole situation? I mean, how far does that principle go and how far do you take it?

Do you make exceptions for family? Would it be a case-by-case basis?
My instinct would be to allow him to spend time around your kids but not bring boyfriends around them.

And even for allowing him to see your kids, maybe have an agreement with him that he isn't to to talk about anything gay (or sexual in general) around them.

Does he know you don't approve of his lifestyle? If so, what is his reaction to this?
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
It's funny how a lot of of you saying not to "normalize" homosexuality (and encouraging @Kitty Tantrum to shun her brother) would likely be fine with your kids hanging around someone who was divorced and remarried, or co-habitating with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Divorce, remarriage, co-habitation, heterosexual fornication, etc., is all degenerate and wrong. Not just homosexuality.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
I don't want to air dirty laundry on an internet forum, but my dad kind of sucks (to put it mildly). He doesn't have a filter, and not in a fun or truthful way, the kind of way where he says very inappropriate things. So my husband and I agreed he isn't allowed around our son unless we're around (no trips, no babysitting, visits are fine-- but we're lucky because he doesn't want to be part of our lives save for the occasional phone call or dinner date that he uses as an fb photo op so everyone is like ohhh your family is so beautiful).

So I think these are good guidelines to have for anyone in your life. You need to figure out what you're OK with; not everyone is going to be part of your inner sanctum. I think kids know when something is off, and you can be honest as possible based on age.
 

Vigilant

Woodpecker
Woman
I don't want to air dirty laundry on an internet forum, but my dad kind of sucks (to put it mildly). He doesn't have a filter, and not in a fun or truthful way, the kind of way where he says very inappropriate things. So my husband and I agreed he isn't allowed around our son unless we're around (no trips, no babysitting, visits are fine-- but we're lucky because he doesn't want to be part of our lives save for the occasional phone call or dinner date that he uses as an fb photo op so everyone is like ohhh your family is so beautiful).

So I think these are good guidelines to have for anyone in your life. You need to figure out what you're OK with; not everyone is going to be part of your inner sanctum. I think kids know when something is off, and you can be honest as possible based on age.
It's your family government's perogative to choose your associations and what boundaries to have conviction for. Be unapologetic. Let no-one guilt manipulate you when you decide something in good conscience. God first, husband next, then your children.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
It's funny how a lot of of you saying not to "normalize" homosexuality (and encouraging @Kitty Tantrum to shun her brother) would likely be fine with your kids hanging around someone who was divorced and remarried, or co-habitating with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Divorce, remarriage, co-habitation, heterosexual fornication, etc., is all degenerate and wrong. Not just homosexuality.

Not necessarily. Those behaviors fall in the natural order of things. Some kid isn't going to look at a shacked up couple and be like, "I don't get it," nor will they get shocked into accepting the mental gymnastics that come with it. And if any of the aforementioned people acted in such a way-- no they wouldn't be hanging around my child.

Case in point: my mom was uncomfortable that a girl who lived down the street from us had a stepdad. She didn't want me going over there if it was only the stepdad around. Are some stepdads wonderful? I'm sure. However, I think her caution was justified.
 

Vigilant

Woodpecker
Woman
Regarding the gay couples, I would simply say that I’m not comfortable having my child be around sexual deviants unsupervised.
Effeminacy affects children, confusing them. As a child, this happened to me being around a family member that in later years died of AIDS.
Also, I was his "Marilyn" because apparently I reminded him of her. This also affected my early identity, as I poured over his many books on her life.
 

muhtea

Robin
Woman
but some of us would rather not go through life capitulating to whatever comes down the pike out of fear of being labelled with some new spell word. We didn't change, level of decadence did - we have no obligation to be part of it, nor to expose our children to it.
QFT I really hate that garbage. It's taken me a while but I'm getting better at putting my foot down when it comes to degeneracy.

I do find if you make things clear on what you expect from people (i.e. respect) you're more likely to get it. That goes for capitulating as well. The sooner you stand up for what's right, the easier it is for people to accept, and if they don't accept it, they know where the door is.

Divorce, remarriage, co-habitation, heterosexual fornication, etc., is all degenerate and wrong. Not just homosexuality.
This is certainly true, but the difference is that active homosexuality is completely unnatural and can't be made right. Divorced and celibate, civilly remarried living as brother and sister, these are acceptable though not ideal. Heterosexual fornicators are at least not unnatural and can be made right with a proper marriage. Not so for active and unrepentant homosexuals.
 

muhtea

Robin
Woman
I wouldn't "encourage" someone to shun their family member necessarily, but to earnestly pray about it. I don't think I would want my kids around a homosexual family member though, any more than any other degenerate family member. It's not worth the risk. There's showing the love of Christ but there's also protecting those under your charge of duty, and it's not a child's job to bring someone to Christ nor mine to do it by putting my children in any kind of danger, be it physical or spiritual. I can spend time with that family member because I am an adult and capable of dealing with it without being influenced by it. Doesn't mean I have to expose my kids to it.
 

Kitty Tantrum

Woodpecker
Woman
You aren't the only one with gay relatives who had to be kept in check after they tried to present subtle demands of acceptance onto the family.
This assumes MUCH. I don't know about your gay relatives, but my brother has never engaged in behaviors that needed to be kept in check. He has never presented demands of acceptance or anything else, subtle or otherwise. Most people would not even peg him as gay at a glance - or after a day, or a week, a month, etc. He has never been a faggot (unlike a lot of straight people I know). I found out he was into dudes when I eventually ASKED HIM, "so hey you gay or what bro," more or less. And his answer was something like "yeah you could say that." Up until then I was 50/50 on him maybe just being THAT bookish. Not every gay person is an activist. To this day I don't think there is any indication on any of his social media or anything like that.

Does he know you don't approve of his lifestyle? If so, what is his reaction to this?
There has never been room for me to offer any perspective on his "lifestyle" - both because I would be a hypocrite, as I have engaged in a multitude of fairly heinous sins myself, AND because IF he is actually fornicating with other men, that information never crosses the airwaves, either in spoken OR implied ways. He is a very private person. What am I supposed to say? "I think you should stop being attracted to men"?

And even for allowing him to see your kids, maybe have an agreement with him that he isn't to to talk about anything gay (or sexual in general) around them.
Even the idea of saying something like this to him makes me feel offended on his behalf, because I can't imagine that he would ever do this. I have no reason to think that he would. He does not even talk about those things in all-adult company.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
Even the idea of saying something like this to him makes me feel offended on his behalf, because I can't imagine that he would ever do this. I have no reason to think that he would. He does not even talk about those things in all-adult company.
A brother is different from befriending people to virtue-signal or whatever. Family is family, unless they're actively trying to hurt you, or cross a line; it's pointless trying to control somebody else's life. Just be yourself and use your best judgment in that situation.

I think we passed into a phase in our culture where cutting others out of our lives due to disagreements in how to live, opinions, etc. is normal and entirely accepted (if not expected). So we think if we get along and like or even love someone, we have to agree with everything they do (I can think one is a moron and still consider them a friend-- I do it a lot these days with Covid nonsense).
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
I think the trend of this thread reflects trait agreeableness espoused by women vs the shepard nature of a man who's looking after his kids.

I have a gay friend, he is attracted to men, but to my knowledge doesn't openly practice or flaunt being gay. I would allow my kids to be around that person, but only under my supervision and NEVER alone. I could have a beer with this person with my kids around... But that's about it.

It is better to err on the side of caution then to pretend like those things are normal or accepted.

You can love someone for who they are as a person but still recognize the obligation you have to your children to shield them from potential risk.

And I would NEVER let my kids be around two homosexuals together. Period.

*edit to add the NEVER in the sentence above
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
This assumes MUCH. I don't know about your gay relatives, but my brother has never engaged in behaviors that needed to be kept in check. He has never presented demands of acceptance or anything else, subtle or otherwise. Most people would not even peg him as gay at a glance - or after a day, or a week, a month, etc. He has never been a faggot (unlike a lot of straight people I know). I found out he was into dudes when I eventually ASKED HIM, "so hey you gay or what bro," more or less. And his answer was something like "yeah you could say that." Up until then I was 50/50 on him maybe just being THAT bookish. Not every gay person is an activist. To this day I don't think there is any indication on any of his social media or anything like that.


There has never been room for me to offer any perspective on his "lifestyle" - both because I would be a hypocrite, as I have engaged in a multitude of fairly heinous sins myself, AND because IF he is actually fornicating with other men, that information never crosses the airwaves, either in spoken OR implied ways. He is a very private person. What am I supposed to say? "I think you should stop being attracted to men"?


Even the idea of saying something like this to him makes me feel offended on his behalf, because I can't imagine that he would ever do this. I have no reason to think that he would. He does not even talk about those things in all-adult company.
I've met gay people who are like this.

They're not all flaming faggots who talk with a gay accent and get naked in public at "pride" parades.

Just like not all heterosexual cohabitators are slackers who drink and smoke lots of weed and listen to rock n' roll (or whatever stereotypes existed about unmarried cohabitators prior to it being normalized).

When something is normalized and accepted in society, the "normal" (i.e. well-adjusted) people will no longer be ashamed to be associated with it. So the men today who live as "openly gay," on average, are probably a lot more normal than in the 1950s, when only very broken and confused men lived as "openly gay."

I don't see anything wrong with allowing your kids to be around someone like your brother. If you were to shield your kids from all sinners, then they would end up totally isolated.

If we're talking about someone who is obviously stereotypically gay, then that is a different story.

Same goes for divorced and remarried couples, or unmarried cohabitators. It's all bad stuff. Utterly evil. But you can't shield your kids from everyone who isn't a good Christian. As long as no one is bringing their degeneracy into your kids' lives (either explicitly or implilicly), then I wouldn't worry about it.
 

Stadtaffe

Woodpecker
Gold Member
I have a gay brother. Should I not let him spend time around my kids? He has never had a boyfriend that he wanted to introduce to the family, but if he does in the future, should I keep my children away from that whole situation? I mean, how far does that principle go and how far do you take it?

Do you make exceptions for family? Would it be a case-by-case basis?
I have gay relatives but am estranged from them. Really, it was before I knew they were gay, and actually I learned that a friend of mine from primary school in later years came out as gay. In retrospect even without that knowledge something was wrong with that friendship.

Has anyone seen the film "Death at a Funeral"? It's a funny take on some of these issues..

If they are going to present as freaks bringing their same sex partners I would not personally want it, but if they discretely were doing their thing and were otherwise successful without (especially) drug issues or other self-destructive tendencies it would be okay. They need to fit into society as they did back in the 80s.

I knew someone else who was gay, rather messed up individual, but he stressed his agreement with the Russian laws that insist it is kept behind closed doors, as he felt that stuff in public could be bad for children.
 
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