The fact that people think I'm offended because I'm pressing them to consider a more principally and morally complex situation/different perspective than they have previously is funny. I am used to this - so let me be clear: I'm not offended and I'm not taking any of this personally.
Libertarian? No. I'm used these assumptions as well, but I don't understand them. Do you think I mentioned that he likes guns because I think that will win him brownie points or negate that he's gay? No - the point is not that he has cool hobbies and the correct stance on gun control so whatever, to heck with the fact that he's gay. The point is that the only things my kids ever see him doing are not "gay" things. They are usually very constructive/valuable skill type things. That's all I was saying.
I know you don't know him. That's why I explained the situation. So that other people can consider,
based on the assumption that the things I say are true, what they might do or how they might feel in a hypothetically similar situation.
Well, first of all... even children who HAVE fathers who are very present in their lives... still spend time and do activities with their other family members, right? I'm talking about taking the kids out to grandma and grandpa's house occasionally for like, a family bonfire and s'mores and shooting soda cans -- does that really warrant a "WHERE IS THE FATHER?" Is that NOT a fairly normal thing that other families also do?

(In terms of firearms specifically, my brother is the only person in the immediate family who owns and shoots guns. The kids' father is not
against guns, but he has less experience shooting than I do - which is not much, and FAR less interest. My husband (kids' stepdad) is competent to teach the basics but has not done any shooting in years. Both my kids' dad AND my husband now have independently suggested to me that my brother would be a valuable resource if I want the kids to learn the basics of gun safety, shooting, cleaning, maintenance, etc.)
I've written about my kids' father (my first husband) a bit elsewhere, but the quick rundown of that situation is that he'd be the worst influence in their lives most of the time, if he hadn't elected to moved hundreds of miles away several years ago. Their father provides a useful point of contrast in this conversation, because HE'S the person I worry about exposing the kids to sexual degeneracy. HE is the person who bragged openly to his family about doing something sexual with another dude, like, just a few years ago - for shock value and so he could accuse them of bigotry and intolerance when they didn't want to hear about it, I'm sure.
Do I get to keep the kids away from
him? Nope. I can only allow him to be as voluntarily absent as he pleases, and help my boys to understand that many of the things their father seems proud of are things that actually hurt him.
(Please, also, don't assume that I have a personal stance of NEVER speaking to my brother about his sins, on principle, because I think that would be wrong or whatever. A lot of people DO feel that way, but this is not the case for me. What IS the case is that I have no business doing that at this point in time - not to mention no framework whatsoever for doing it. I have only
barely begun to get my own feet going along the right path.)
Good thread, tho.