Whore to Housewife

Geremia

Sparrow
It is not your responsibility to take responsibility for another person, only for yourself.
One must love oneself before he can be able to love others (since one cannot give what he doesn't have).
After Cain killed his brother Abel, he tried to escape responsibility for his neighbor by asking: "Am I my brother's keeper?" (Genesis 4:9). We must be "our brothers' keeper".
 
One of the reasons the prevailing opinion is to avoid loose women is because of male as well as female nature. Keep in mind a loose women can not hide what made her loose. A possible addiction to attention, daddy issues, low self esteem, low intelligence, bad upbringing etc. Even if she finds God she will have a target on her back as soon as she is around a Chad, or Tyrone that thinks he has a chance. Its like putting a recovering alcoholic in a college frat house. Sure he may be strong and grounded but its only a matter of time before he caves in. So the next question would be if someone took the leap of faith in a women changing her ways what would they do to ensure she doesn't revert back to her old behaviors. Keep her in the house, cut off her friends, monitor her 24-7 all so you can say " I saved her".Sometimes a person is a lost cause not because they themselves want to be, but because there is no way they can be helped.
 
You can't fix broken. A guy writes the Guardian advice column to ask advice about his girlfriend.

The Better Bachelor discusses an article about a weak man who complains of a girlfriend with an extremely high notch count, that does not disturb her in the least... She is a poster girl for what we want to avoid.

 
You can't fix broken. A guy writes the Guardian advice column to ask advice about his girlfriend.

The Better Bachelor discusses an article about a weak man who complains of a girlfriend with an extremely high notch count, that does not disturb her in the least... She is a poster girl for what we want to avoid.


I really like BB: he bring a perspective most men know, but hesitate to share. It would be nice to see him have a Roosh-like transformation, but one can only pray.

In regards to fixing broken women, only dying to herself and accepting Jesus as her saviour can heal her from her past traumas and pains (and poor decisions). No human, no amount of love, no amount of resources, no amount of time, nothing else, is capable of fixing a broken person.
 

Papaya

Crow
Gold Member
What I'm seeing alot of in this thread is condemnation for women with "mistakes" in their past.

Have to be real honest, I slept around and like many, got nowhere fast. We have to ask ourselves as men, why can we more easily forgive ourselves than the women we meet who have a similar past, Especially when men are a big part of the equation?

There's still these slut accusations when some of us were as bad or worse. But it feels nice to judge because you aren't in that trap anymore.

I get caught in this all the time, I hold women to a higher standard than I've held myself over past years. How is that fair? It's not. However without a collective standard for norms, people degenerate quickly, more so hiding in the anonymity of a large city, with tech, etc.

I fully admit that I have struggled to get past some women's poor decisions, like abortion(Im pro life), too many partners, etc. But the past is the past no matter how dark(within reason). What's important is the life they want in the future, potentially with a good man. We shouldn't be looking down on these cuturally misled women like they are undeserving of still having a child and a family for our own self righteous justification. If we do, this becomes a never ending and probably worsening phenomenon. Loneliness and meaninglessness.

Moving forward to a life thay both want to share together could be great.(and we need to stop fearing real relationships)(although I do realise divorce rape is a thing, ugh.)

You know I've searched for the perfect woman(around the world) and she doesn't exist. Sooner or later I've got to pick a woman and start a family or stay indefinitely in this culturally overhyped dating realm of limbo, Which has led me the closest to hell I've ever been.



A mans role is to provide resources, safety, guidance, leadership. In other words his physicality is not the primary .

A woman's primary role is however the sanctity of her body. If she is to be the mother of your children then even more so

Thats the benefit of the bargain.

Period

"Fairness" has nothing to do with real life. Its just another word "rationalization".

In this thread when it comes to men settling for whores as wives that hamster is running amok
 

Grey

Sparrow
You have no obligations outside of that which is placed upon you. If you know a woman and have a pre-existing relationship with her, and she wants to become a housewife and you've agreed to it, then you have an obligation.

You don't have an obligation to a random woman you don't know.

If you know a whoreish woman, probably reccomend chastity, over someone trying to make her a housewife.

... temperament. (I always thought this word was temperment! Learned a new thing today).

It's an American English vs British English thing. The words mean the same thing.
 

ScrapperTL

Woodpecker
IMPORTANT: Pray to God and Jesus Christ daily, for more wisdom on the matter.
Lord willing, you will receive the answer for what you seek.


Not important, feel free to skip everything below:

Quick anecdotal report: Regarding very high notch counts, I have slept and made a relationship in the past with 2 women with a very high notch count (65+++), as I am sure most of you have too, at one time or another, in our previous “game-phase”

There are always exceptional people out there, that will surprise you.
Girl A) Cooked for me, Cleaned for me, gave me very satisfying sex 4-5 days a week, sometimes 2 times a day. Her female privates, very youthful still (tight). Very sweet personality.

Girl B) Lazy, Drank all day, Smoked all day, she would give me sex 7 days a week as many times a day as I wanted. Sex was somewhat satisfying, her female privates not very youthful (loose). Very vulgar, clingy and obsessive/protective personality.

Both Girl A and B have their pros and cons.
But if you wanted a housewife, Girl A was the obvious choice.

Enough with the past, presently I am married with 2 children, absolutely adore my family.

With that being said, if I had to housewife hunt and do it all over again, I would:
1) Gain mastery over my libido by abstaining from all forms of sexual pleasure
2) Goto church and introduce myself to every women there who is single
3) Learn about their personality and beliefs
4) If you can find a women who is devoted to God and not just there out of some social obligation, is younger than you, has a good energy and traditional values, atleast somewhat attractive, marry her and put 5+ babies in her.

At a young age, I married a very traditional and loving women, except for the fact that she did not want children.
After finally talking her into it, down the road I ended up having a vasectomy after our second child, probably 8 years ago.
Fast forward and it is one of the biggest regrets of my entire life.
Deep down inside I always wanted a huge family and I kept suppressing that urge.

Don’t get me wrong, I live an extremely blessed life and I thank God and the Lord Jesus Christ almost daily for the family I have.

My knowledge I am imparting to you is that, if you want a good housewife, start with women who want to be one.
I wanted lots of children and I married a women who did not want children.

Don’t do what I did, I lied to myself.


These housewife tier women are rare, yes, but there has got to be plenty still out there.
Physiognomy doesn’t lie.
Look for a sweet soft face, natural hair, no tattoos, humble clothing, light or no make-up and that’s your gal.

QUICK EDIT: I’ve been off the market since like 2007 or 2008, so these housewife tier women might be far rarer than I presume.
 
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A mans role is to provide resources, safety, guidance, leadership. In other words his physicality is not the primary .

A woman's primary role is however the sanctity of her body. If she is to be the mother of your children then even more so

Thats the benefit of the bargain.

Period

"Fairness" has nothing to do with real life. Its just another word "rationalization".

In this thread when it comes to men settling for whores as wives that hamster is running amok

You appear quite harsh in your judgment of others past lives(though not necessarily wrong). Have we not all been led astray in life on some level? Especially in the modern/western world where degeneracy runs rampant and is encouraged. Who deserves forgiveness and who doesn't? What actions are unforgivable? I'm not encouraging vague or bad morality, I'm saying none of us are perfect.

I'm also looking at the women in my surroundings and not seeing any possibility for a pure virgin wife.

I will admit I haven't been able to accept/forgive women who have had abortions. Perhaps I will overcome this hurdle, however It's deeply concerning to me when women don't value human life.
 
You appear quite harsh in your judgment of others past lives(though not necessarily wrong). Have we not all been led astray in life on some level? Especially in the modern/western world where degeneracy runs rampant and is encouraged. Who deserves forgiveness and who doesn't? What actions are unforgivable? I'm not encouraging vague or bad morality, I'm saying none of us are perfect.

I'm also looking at the women in my surroundings and not seeing any possibility for a pure virgin wife.

I will admit I haven't been able to accept/forgive women who have had abortions. Perhaps I will overcome this hurdle, however It's deeply concerning to me when women don't value human life.
People who have made a lot of bad choices in life, generally, continue to make them. That’s the big issue. It’s one thing if someone who never makes a mistake, makes one and asks for forgiveness. It’s an entirely different thing when a person’s life is filled with mistakes.

sure, she might not be a Virgin. But if she’s seen 100 dicks it’s a whole different issue.

learn a foreign language and go to a place where shame still exists. It keeps women in check.
 

Amwolf

Robin
Keep in mind a loose women can not hide what made her loose. A possible addiction to attention, daddy issues, low self esteem, low intelligence, bad upbringing etc.

This is absolutely true and must not be forgotten. I've dated women like this and their backgrounds were all strikingly similar. You can't fix people like this and sooner or later, there problems will become yours. I've dealt with some toxic situations that have caused me tremendous harm and I have nobody to blame for the damage but myself. They were all avoidable.
 

Zeknichov

Pigeon
Generally speaking, a woman who gives up her chastity and follows the path of immorality chasing guys to fulfill her basic impulses and lustful desires will only ever be tamed by a man who can give her more of what she seeks. You need lots of money, power and pornstar body/moves to turn this kind of a woman into a housewife but make no mistakes all of these women would love nothing more than to be a housewife but to them the relationship is purely transactional. You have to provide more of everything they could possibly want than anyone else and as soon as you don't they will leave you.

You don't want this.

I do know some women that have figured it out around ~30yo and decided to go from whore to tradwife themselves by rebranding themselves. This is fine but understand in 90% of cases, you'll never meet her expectations and the relationship will be lacking desire/love.
 

big poppa

Kingfisher
Gold Member
IMPORTANT: Pray to God and Jesus Christ daily, for more wisdom on the matter.
Lord willing, you will receive the answer for what you seek.


Not important, feel free to skip everything below:

Quick anecdotal report: Regarding very high notch counts, I have slept and made a relationship in the past with 2 women with a very high notch count (65+++), as I am sure most of you have too, at one time or another, in our previous “game-phase”

There are always exceptional people out there, that will surprise you.
Girl A) Cooked for me, Cleaned for me, gave me very satisfying sex 4-5 days a week, sometimes 2 times a day. Her female privates, very youthful still (tight). Very sweet personality.

Girl B) Lazy, Drank all day, Smoked all day, she would give me sex 7 days a week as many times a day as I wanted. Sex was somewhat satisfying, her female privates not very youthful (loose). Very vulgar, clingy and obsessive/protective personality.

Both Girl A and B have their pros and cons.
But if you wanted a housewife, Girl A was the obvious choice.

Enough with the past, presently I am married with 2 children, absolutely adore my family.

With that being said, if I had to housewife hunt and do it all over again, I would:
1) Gain mastery over my libido by abstaining from all forms of sexual pleasure
2) Goto church and introduce myself to every women there who is single
3) Learn about their personality and beliefs
4) If you can find a women who is devoted to God and not just there out of some social obligation, is younger than you, has a good energy and traditional values, atleast somewhat attractive, marry her and put 5+ babies in her.

At a young age, I married a very traditional and loving women, except for the fact that she did not want children.
After finally talking her into it, down the road I ended up having a vasectomy after our second child, probably 8 years ago.
Fast forward and it is one of the biggest regrets of my entire life.
Deep down inside I always wanted a huge family and I kept suppressing that urge.

Don’t get me wrong, I live an extremely blessed life and I thank God and the Lord Jesus Christ almost daily for the family I have.

My knowledge I am imparting to you is that, if you want a good housewife, start with women who want to be one.
I wanted lots of children and I married a women who did not want children.

Don’t do what I did, I lied to myself.


These housewife tier women are rare, yes, but there has got to be plenty still out there.
Physiognomy doesn’t lie.
Look for a sweet soft face, natural hair, no tattoos, humble clothing, light or no make-up and that’s your gal.

QUICK EDIT: I’ve been off the market since like 2007 or 2008, so these housewife tier women might be far rarer than I presume.

I’m currently with a woman who could very much be described as ‘girl A’

She has a troubling past - 30+ partners at 24 years of age, but you would never assume so. Two close male companions of mine were very shocked when I opened up to them about this, saying they would never have guessed it. She has 2 discrete tattoos, which was the initial giveaway for me.

She is sweet, nurturing, and has a wonderful nature. She is happy, friendly and polite to everyone. She works with kids for a living, and adores them. Overall she treats me really well and I have no cause to complain about anything. She dresses modestly, wears no makeup and has close to zero social media presence. No male friends. She doesn’t drink or even go out, without me. She wants to marry and have children. If I proposed to her today, she would say yes. She has told me that she wants us to be together forever, and that she wants to leave her past behind.

Still, I have trouble dealing with her past. The thought that she will one day want to go back to that continues to play on my mind.

Her issues stem from her father running off with his mistress when she was just 4. Despite this, she still maintains a somewhat good relationship with him and will never say a disparaging word about him. She is very forgiving and has an extremely mature outlook on things for a girl of her age.

She is a wonderful girl in so many ways, yet I still find it difficult to completely move past what she has done.

I’m not sure why exactly I am posting this. I need to figure it out on my own, with guidance from our Lord. Still, I thought it couldn’t hurt.

I have been with her for 6 months, and in my mind we will either be engaged, or we will no longer be together in another 6 months time. There is no in between. I would find it really difficult to leave her, but in some ways it would be a burden off my mind. I spend too much time stressing about her previous misdeeds. I need to do the right thing by her, and myself, and make a decision one way or the other.
 
I’m currently with a woman who could very much be described as ‘girl A’

She has a troubling past - 30+ partners at 24 years of age, but you would never assume so. Two close male companions of mine were very shocked when I opened up to them about this, saying they would never have guessed it. She has 2 discrete tattoos, which was the initial giveaway for me.

She is sweet, nurturing, and has a wonderful nature. She is happy, friendly and polite to everyone. She works with kids for a living, and adores them. Overall she treats me really well and I have no cause to complain about anything. She dresses modestly, wears no makeup and has close to zero social media presence. No male friends. She doesn’t drink or even go out, without me. She wants to marry and have children. If I proposed to her today, she would say yes. She has told me that she wants us to be together forever, and that she wants to leave her past behind.

Still, I have trouble dealing with her past. The thought that she will one day want to go back to that continues to play on my mind.

Her issues stem from her father running off with his mistress when she was just 4. Despite this, she still maintains a somewhat good relationship with him and will never say a disparaging word about him. She is very forgiving and has an extremely mature outlook on things for a girl of her age.

She is a wonderful girl in so many ways, yet I still find it difficult to completely move past what she has done.

I’m not sure why exactly I am posting this. I need to figure it out on my own, with guidance from our Lord. Still, I thought it couldn’t hurt.

I have been with her for 6 months, and in my mind we will either be engaged, or we will no longer be together in another 6 months time. There is no in between. I would find it really difficult to leave her, but in some ways it would be a burden off my mind. I spend too much time stressing about her previous misdeeds. I need to do the right thing by her, and myself, and make a decision one way or the other.

It seems that as of right now, she is a great catch. If its any consolation...30+ is the average for girls that age, especially if they went to college. I have mentioned it many times here before that most of the girls I knew in college had around the 25 to 30+ range count. I know this may not be consoling, but I am only telling you this so that you do not think she is an anomaly. She is in fact the average for any attractive girl who goes to college. If it were 50+, then that would be more surprising.

You say you have trouble with her past and that is understandable. As many have posted here and in other threads, it is very tough to "get over" a person's past, especially in the secular society we live in today. We have learned in the manopshere for 10+ years now that you cant "turn a whore into a housewife" case in point, the name of this thread. I will ask, is she Christian? Are you Christian? If so, are you both practicing and actively going to church every Sunday? From my own experience and im sure I speak for other men as well, humbling myself and asking God's help was the only way I truly changed. Yes, I made headway on my own by reading red-pill information and with my own will because i realized the mistake I did fornicating with over a dozen women, as well as partake in other vices. However, I never truly FELT contrition, nor felt the hurt I was doing to society and women, until I realized how much my sins were hurting Our Lord. Specifically, i felt so much pain when I finally confessed all of my Sins to my priest, I realized at that point the sinful ways of my life...However, once i finally did confess all of my wrongdoings, most of which had to do with the 6th & 9th commandments+Lust and was forgiven, I never felt better. It was almost like I was "reborn" sort to speak.

As a Catholic, reading on Virtue, Sin, repentance and staying in the state of Grace has really been a game changer for me. To bring it back to your situation, the only way to be certain the girl your seeing is truly repentant of her sinful past is to make her go see a priest if she hasnt done so already, and get her to confess her sins. Staying in the state of Grace should be of upmost priority, not just because she doesnt want to go to hell (imperfect contrition) or hurt her partner if she sins, but because she doesnt want to hurt God and she Loves God (Perfect Contrition) This is THE only way that you will have assurance that she doesn't stray. Not only has she have to be doing this for her future Husband, she has to be doing this for a bigger purpose, something larger than life. That is God.

I'm not saying this is fool-proof and that she wont stray, but by praying to God, praying to the Blessed mother, and asking the Saints everyday to strengthen her, she will change for good. Anything is possible if you ask Our Lord's help.

Some final questions and thoughts. How old are you? If you are older, I would highly encourage you try to work things out with her. It is not easy these days for a 30+ year old to get with a young 20 something. Also, if you do decide to take her to a Church, dont forget that you have to be the leader in this and do repentance yourself. You cant just take her to church as if you're reprimanding her. Go together, do repentance together,etc etc, and you will both grow from the experience.

You may have in your hands something good. Do not be swayed to drop a girl that looks ready to be a wife and have your children simply because of what the secular world has taught us all these years. Realize how blessed you are that you have the opportunity to change her life for the better and make her dream(every girls real dream) of having a family. You will be doing God's work.
 

NoMoreTO

Ostrich
I’m currently with a woman who could very much be described as ‘girl A’

She has a troubling past - 30+ partners at 24 years of age, but you would never assume so. Two close male companions of mine were very shocked when I opened up to them about this, saying they would never have guessed it. She has 2 discrete tattoos, which was the initial giveaway for me.

She is sweet, nurturing, and has a wonderful nature. She is happy, friendly and polite to everyone. She works with kids for a living, and adores them. Overall she treats me really well and I have no cause to complain about anything. She dresses modestly, wears no makeup and has close to zero social media presence. No male friends. She doesn’t drink or even go out, without me. She wants to marry and have children. If I proposed to her today, she would say yes. She has told me that she wants us to be together forever, and that she wants to leave her past behind.

Still, I have trouble dealing with her past. The thought that she will one day want to go back to that continues to play on my mind.

Her issues stem from her father running off with his mistress when she was just 4. Despite this, she still maintains a somewhat good relationship with him and will never say a disparaging word about him. She is very forgiving and has an extremely mature outlook on things for a girl of her age.

She is a wonderful girl in so many ways, yet I still find it difficult to completely move past what she has done.

I’m not sure why exactly I am posting this. I need to figure it out on my own, with guidance from our Lord. Still, I thought it couldn’t hurt.

I have been with her for 6 months, and in my mind we will either be engaged, or we will no longer be together in another 6 months time. There is no in between. I would find it really difficult to leave her, but in some ways it would be a burden off my mind. I spend too much time stressing about her previous misdeeds. I need to do the right thing by her, and myself, and make a decision one way or the other.

Is she Christian also? You mention just about everything except that.
 
I’m currently with a woman who could very much be described as ‘girl A’

She has a troubling past - 30+ partners at 24 years of age, but you would never assume so. Two close male companions of mine were very shocked when I opened up to them about this, saying they would never have guessed it. She has 2 discrete tattoos, which was the initial giveaway for me.

She is sweet, nurturing, and has a wonderful nature. She is happy, friendly and polite to everyone. She works with kids for a living, and adores them. Overall she treats me really well and I have no cause to complain about anything. She dresses modestly, wears no makeup and has close to zero social media presence. No male friends. She doesn’t drink or even go out, without me. She wants to marry and have children. If I proposed to her today, she would say yes. She has told me that she wants us to be together forever, and that she wants to leave her past behind.

Still, I have trouble dealing with her past. The thought that she will one day want to go back to that continues to play on my mind.

Her issues stem from her father running off with his mistress when she was just 4. Despite this, she still maintains a somewhat good relationship with him and will never say a disparaging word about him. She is very forgiving and has an extremely mature outlook on things for a girl of her age.

She is a wonderful girl in so many ways, yet I still find it difficult to completely move past what she has done.

I’m not sure why exactly I am posting this. I need to figure it out on my own, with guidance from our Lord. Still, I thought it couldn’t hurt.

I have been with her for 6 months, and in my mind we will either be engaged, or we will no longer be together in another 6 months time. There is no in between. I would find it really difficult to leave her, but in some ways it would be a burden off my mind. I spend too much time stressing about her previous misdeeds. I need to do the right thing by her, and myself, and make a decision one way or the other.

List the effects of riding the carousel, and go through the list and see if any of it applies to her. If not, then there's no problem. If there is anything, address it.
 

big poppa

Kingfisher
Gold Member
It seems that as of right now, she is a great catch. If its any consolation...30+ is the average for girls that age, especially if they went to college. I have mentioned it many times here before that most of the girls I knew in college had around the 25 to 30+ range count. I know this may not be consoling, but I am only telling you this so that you do not think she is an anomaly. She is in fact the average for any attractive girl who goes to college. If it were 50+, then that would be more surprising.

You say you have trouble with her past and that is understandable. As many have posted here and in other threads, it is very tough to "get over" a person's past, especially in the secular society we live in today. We have learned in the manopshere for 10+ years now that you cant "turn a whore into a housewife" case in point, the name of this thread. I will ask, is she Christian? Are you Christian? If so, are you both practicing and actively going to church every Sunday? From my own experience and im sure I speak for other men as well, humbling myself and asking God's help was the only way I truly changed. Yes, I made headway on my own by reading red-pill information and with my own will because i realized the mistake I did fornicating with over a dozen women, as well as partake in other vices. However, I never truly FELT contrition, nor felt the hurt I was doing to society and women, until I realized how much my sins were hurting Our Lord. Specifically, i felt so much pain when I finally confessed all of my Sins to my priest, I realized at that point the sinful ways of my life...However, once i finally did confess all of my wrongdoings, most of which had to do with the 6th & 9th commandments+Lust and was forgiven, I never felt better. It was almost like I was "reborn" sort to speak.

As a Catholic, reading on Virtue, Sin, repentance and staying in the state of Grace has really been a game changer for me. To bring it back to your situation, the only way to be certain the girl your seeing is truly repentant of her sinful past is to make her go see a priest if she hasnt done so already, and get her to confess her sins. Staying in the state of Grace should be of upmost priority, not just because she doesnt want to go to hell (imperfect contrition) or hurt her partner if she sins, but because she doesnt want to hurt God and she Loves God (Perfect Contrition) This is THE only way that you will have assurance that she doesn't stray. Not only has she have to be doing this for her future Husband, she has to be doing this for a bigger purpose, something larger than life. That is God.

I'm not saying this is fool-proof and that she wont stray, but by praying to God, praying to the Blessed mother, and asking the Saints everyday to strengthen her, she will change for good. Anything is possible if you ask Our Lord's help.

Some final questions and thoughts. How old are you? If you are older, I would highly encourage you try to work things out with her. It is not easy these days for a 30+ year old to get with a young 20 something. Also, if you do decide to take her to a Church, dont forget that you have to be the leader in this and do repentance yourself. You cant just take her to church as if you're reprimanding her. Go together, do repentance together,etc etc, and you will both grow from the experience.

You may have in your hands something good. Do not be swayed to drop a girl that looks ready to be a wife and have your children simply because of what the secular world has taught us all these years. Realize how blessed you are that you have the opportunity to change her life for the better and make her dream(every girls real dream) of having a family. You will be doing God's work.

I appreciate you taking the time to reply, Augustus. For the record I am 29 years old.

I do have to mention, and maybe this changes the way you see things, she and I are living in a state of mortal sin by engaging in pre-marital sex. I am Catholic and I carry much guilt about this, my only true options are to marry her, or break up and become chaste until I find a wife. I don’t feel like I belong in a church while living this life, so all I do for now is read the bible daily, try my absolute best to live in a way that is pleasing to God despite my fornication, and say my prayers. I also know that I use my state of sin as an excuse not to go to mass and not to confess, knowing I will go back to being sexually immoral within 24 hours of being there.

Telling her I would like to be chaste until we marry would be a hard sell on her, which I know isn’t a good sign. I also know that when I have sex with her, I am putting her before God. I would be more willing to abstain from fornication until marriage than she would, because my faith, while very imperfect, is far stronger than hers. If I was with a strong Christian woman who wanted to be chaste, I would be more than happy to be that with her.


Unfortunately, she was in the depths of sexual immorality when I met her. Being a bit older and wiser, my sex life had not been extremely bad in the 3 years leading up to meeting her, but I still slept with her early on in our getting to know each other. She made it clear that was what she wanted and I evidently have a hard time controlling my lust. On maybe our 5th or 6th encounter - I opened up to her about things, and spoke to her in a serious way about the secular lifestyle and the damage it does to people, and how she needs to find God, seek forgiveness, and find a good man. I opened up to her early on, because I immediately saw she had a very warm and genuine heart, and a gentleness about her. On the day of this conversation, she did a really lovely thing for me when I found myself in a very tough and confusing situation. She pulled through for me when I needed her. I witnessed these virtues in her, despite her lifestyle of sex with near strangers and the fact that she only ever felt validated while getting thrown around in bed by a good looking dude.

It was a very sad thing for me to think about it, and I knew that I could be just another one of those guys contributing to the destruction of her soul, like I had been for almost a decade, or I could be the guy that puts an end to her getting passed around by Godless men solely looking for notches, and at the same time, give me a woman to be loyal to. She tells me now that day was the turning point for her, and I think it may have been for me as well.

I am ashamed that I haven’t been going to Mass myself, so I will start with that. I am confident she would come with me after I start going consistently, but time will tell. God willing, I discipline myself to worship the Lord properly, and she follows me, finds her faith in Jesus, and we have a happy marriage. A part of me feels I need to propose to marry her, providing we are chaste until our wedding night, and we attend pre marriage education in the Catholic Church. A part of me also has a strong feeling she will reject this, unless I tell her we can continue having sex. I worry about marrying a woman who has not learned to control her lustful desires. What happens when the day comes where she doesn’t find me very attractive any more? Or when I only want to have sex every fourth day? Is she looking over the neighbours fence? I agree completely that she needs to come to God before I can ever hope to trust her in this regard. Do I give her time? Do I marry her so I can stop living in mortal sin, once and for all, and hope that God gives us his favour? Is she really the right one? I don’t doubt my ability to land a good woman, but I’m just about in my 30s, and I want a young wife, so decisions need to be made.
 
I appreciate you taking the time to reply, Augustus. For the record I am 29 years old.

I do have to mention, and maybe this changes the way you see things, she and I are living in a state of mortal sin by engaging in pre-marital sex. I am Catholic and I carry much guilt about this, my only true options are to marry her, or break up and become chaste until I find a wife. I don’t feel like I belong in a church while living this life, so all I do for now is read the bible daily, try my absolute best to live in a way that is pleasing to God despite my fornication, and say my prayers. I also know that I use my state of sin as an excuse not to go to mass and not to confess, knowing I will go back to being sexually immoral within 24 hours of being there.

Telling her I would like to be chaste until we marry would be a hard sell on her, which I know isn’t a good sign. I also know that when I have sex with her, I am putting her before God. I would be more willing to abstain from fornication until marriage than she would, because my faith, while very imperfect, is far stronger than hers. If I was with a strong Christian woman who wanted to be chaste, I would be more than happy to be that with her.


Unfortunately, she was in the depths of sexual immorality when I met her. Being a bit older and wiser, my sex life had not been extremely bad in the 3 years leading up to meeting her, but I still slept with her early on in our getting to know each other. She made it clear that was what she wanted and I evidently have a hard time controlling my lust. On maybe our 5th or 6th encounter - I opened up to her about things, and spoke to her in a serious way about the secular lifestyle and the damage it does to people, and how she needs to find God, seek forgiveness, and find a good man. I opened up to her early on, because I immediately saw she had a very warm and genuine heart, and a gentleness about her. On the day of this conversation, she did a really lovely thing for me when I found myself in a very tough and confusing situation. She pulled through for me when I needed her. I witnessed these virtues in her, despite her lifestyle of sex with near strangers and the fact that she only ever felt validated while getting thrown around in bed by a good looking dude.

It was a very sad thing for me to think about it, and I knew that I could be just another one of those guys contributing to the destruction of her soul, like I had been for almost a decade, or I could be the guy that puts an end to her getting passed around by Godless men solely looking for notches, and at the same time, give me a woman to be loyal to. She tells me now that day was the turning point for her, and I think it may have been for me as well.

I am ashamed that I haven’t been going to Mass myself, so I will start with that. I am confident she would come with me after I start going consistently, but time will tell. God willing, I discipline myself to worship the Lord properly, and she follows me, finds her faith in Jesus, and we have a happy marriage. A part of me feels I need to propose to marry her, providing we are chaste until our wedding night, and we attend pre marriage education in the Catholic Church. A part of me also has a strong feeling she will reject this, unless I tell her we can continue having sex. I worry about marrying a woman who has not learned to control her lustful desires. What happens when the day comes where she doesn’t find me very attractive any more? Or when I only want to have sex every fourth day? Is she looking over the neighbours fence? I agree completely that she needs to come to God before I can ever hope to trust her in this regard. Do I give her time? Do I marry her so I can stop living in mortal sin, once and for all, and hope that God gives us his favour? Is she really the right one? I don’t doubt my ability to land a good woman, but I’m just about in my 30s, and I want a young wife, so decisions need to be made.

Definitely attend Mass regularly, and then invite her to come along. And at a certain point a Bible study/live meet-up could be a good idea for fellowship. Ultimately, Catholic premarital couples counseling would be a very smart idea, especially since you are serious about the relationship. She needs to experience a real spiritual conversion, for this to work. The two of you need to get in the habit of studying the Bible and the Gospel together, and praying together. You need to accelerate things, and see how she responds.
 
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