Whore to Housewife

I appreciate you taking the time to reply, Augustus. For the record I am 29 years old.

I do have to mention, and maybe this changes the way you see things, she and I are living in a state of mortal sin by engaging in pre-marital sex. I am Catholic and I carry much guilt about this, my only true options are to marry her, or break up and become chaste until I find a wife. I don’t feel like I belong in a church while living this life, so all I do for now is read the bible daily, try my absolute best to live in a way that is pleasing to God despite my fornication, and say my prayers. I also know that I use my state of sin as an excuse not to go to mass and not to confess, knowing I will go back to being sexually immoral within 24 hours of being there.

Telling her I would like to be chaste until we marry would be a hard sell on her, which I know isn’t a good sign. I also know that when I have sex with her, I am putting her before God. I would be more willing to abstain from fornication until marriage than she would, because my faith, while very imperfect, is far stronger than hers. If I was with a strong Christian woman who wanted to be chaste, I would be more than happy to be that with her.


Unfortunately, she was in the depths of sexual immorality when I met her. Being a bit older and wiser, my sex life had not been extremely bad in the 3 years leading up to meeting her, but I still slept with her early on in our getting to know each other. She made it clear that was what she wanted and I evidently have a hard time controlling my lust. On maybe our 5th or 6th encounter - I opened up to her about things, and spoke to her in a serious way about the secular lifestyle and the damage it does to people, and how she needs to find God, seek forgiveness, and find a good man. I opened up to her early on, because I immediately saw she had a very warm and genuine heart, and a gentleness about her. On the day of this conversation, she did a really lovely thing for me when I found myself in a very tough and confusing situation. She pulled through for me when I needed her. I witnessed these virtues in her, despite her lifestyle of sex with near strangers and the fact that she only ever felt validated while getting thrown around in bed by a good looking dude.

It was a very sad thing for me to think about it, and I knew that I could be just another one of those guys contributing to the destruction of her soul, like I had been for almost a decade, or I could be the guy that puts an end to her getting passed around by Godless men solely looking for notches, and at the same time, give me a woman to be loyal to. She tells me now that day was the turning point for her, and I think it may have been for me as well.

I am ashamed that I haven’t been going to Mass myself, so I will start with that. I am confident she would come with me after I start going consistently, but time will tell. God willing, I discipline myself to worship the Lord properly, and she follows me, finds her faith in Jesus, and we have a happy marriage. A part of me feels I need to propose to marry her, providing we are chaste until our wedding night, and we attend pre marriage education in the Catholic Church. A part of me also has a strong feeling she will reject this, unless I tell her we can continue having sex. I worry about marrying a woman who has not learned to control her lustful desires. What happens when the day comes where she doesn’t find me very attractive any more? Or when I only want to have sex every fourth day? Is she looking over the neighbours fence? I agree completely that she needs to come to God before I can ever hope to trust her in this regard. Do I give her time? Do I marry her so I can stop living in mortal sin, once and for all, and hope that God gives us his favour? Is she really the right one? I don’t doubt my ability to land a good woman, but I’m just about in my 30s, and I want a young wife, so decisions need to be made.

As you have already mentioned, please go to Mass, even if you are in a state of mortal sin. it is completely OK to do so and it is encouraged. I was in a state of Mortal Sin for months when I first started attending church,finally confessing my sins about 3 months later when i felt comfortable and ready to live out God's commandments. I felt like you when I first started going to church because at the time, I was still fornicating with my ex a few times a month. The guilt you feel is real and shouldn't be ignored. It's there for a reason. However, as I already mentioned, you should not let that prevent you going to mass. Take your GF with you, and even if you both are still in a State Of Mortal Sin, the Word of the Lord and The Sacrifice Of the Mass will work in you two in ways you didn't think possible. I literally thought it was impossible for me to stop fornicating, until God helped me and made it possible for me to control my passions. Now, with His help, I am able to control myself and even control my thoughts to a large extent. Again, this doesn't mean you wont ever commit a Sin again, but God's grace makes it so much easier to control yourself, and if you are to fall again, He will pick you back up as long as you see the error of your ways and pray to improve.

Now, back to you and your Gf. What really stands out is that she started to see the error of her ways, or at least saw a "turning point" in her life, as you did as well. This is a good start. I believe that she is willing to change going by the information you have given us, even if you think she will have a hard time. If I were you, I would sit down with her and seriously tell her what your future plans are, ie to get married and create a family. However, also remind her that both of you have been a victim of this culture and fell for the Sexual Liberation trap and that you would really like to start growing in Virtue(remember, take the lead in this and be enthusiastic about it). Start going to Mass(Traditional Latin Mass preferably of course) on Sunday until it becomes a habit. Treat the next few weeks/months as if you just started a Courtship with a Lady. Really observe your GF from this point on and see how she takes to going to Mass and your increasing religiosity. If she starts acting more distant and strays from you, then you have your answer of dropping her. If she starts to gain even more affection and reverence for you and starts to love going to Mass, then you also have your answer of continuing with her. I believe this is the only way you will get a clear-cut, regret-free answer of whether you should continue with her or not. Try to stress the importance of Virtue a long the way.

If things end up going well, then at some point you two will have to go to the confessional and confess your sins. Once you do this, you two will have to be chaste, and if you really see her as being a potential wife, then this period will also be short. Stress along this time that you see her for much more than a Sex object and that you care for the salvation of her soul, which is the most important thing in our lives... All those questions you have in your last paragraph? They will all be answered during this period of chastity, I guarantee it. You dont have to wait for marriage to find these things out, you both merely have to be chaste, that is all. Again, observe her behavior, see if there are any potential red flags and act accordingly. Again, if things continue to go well, you can propose to her soon after and possibly get married after Easter next year.

I have outlined the best case scenario for you two and I do hope it ends up working out that way. If not, then you let go of someone who is still not ready to be marriage material, and you will have also learned how to control your passions AND what it takes to find a good woman. It's a win-win situation no matter where it goes. It will be a huge test for both of you since you both have to control your passions, but I believe this is the only path if you want to have a successful future with this lady. If you both slip in the path to be chaste, it is not the end of the world, but you both will really have to resolve that you will be chaste until marriage. Think about the damage fornication does not only to your soul, but your GF's soul as well, that you are trying to help heal. She especially needs this time for her soul to heal, and to learn to not offend God anymore. What you have to be more on the lookout for is if she has eyes for another man, or suspicious behavior, but please ask for God's help, along with the intercession of The Blessed Mother and St. Joseph for help in chastity.

I almost forgot to add this, but start praying the Rosary every single day. This also helped me along the way in ways I can't explain. You can even get your GF involved in praying with you and it will be another soul-bonding experience. If you want to know more about the Faith in general start with the Baltimore Cathechism (its a kids book but its really helpful, even for adults) and also check out "My Catholic Faith" which is a more detailed catechism book. Aslo check out the YouTube Channel "Sensus Fidelium"and check out sermons, especially from Fr Ripperger on what it takes to be a Man, Chastity, virtue etc. He is a pretty hardline Catholic Priest, but this is what you want if you want to get your life together and free from Sin. It will start reshaping who you are.

Please keep us updated on this situation and you can always PM me if you would like any more advice or opinion.
 
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FactusIRX

Woodpecker
Augustus's response is really good. The only thing I would add is a woman with 30+ partners has a lot of baggage that she's not telling you about, especially if you have only been with her for 6 months. I personally wouldn't marry a woman who had more than 1 partner, but I'm not in your position, and only God can provide you guidance on what to do.
 
People who have made a lot of bad choices in life, generally, continue to make them. That’s the big issue. It’s one thing if someone who never makes a mistake, makes one and asks for forgiveness. It’s an entirely different thing when a person’s life is filled with mistakes.

sure, she might not be a Virgin. But if she’s seen 100 dicks it’s a whole different issue.

learn a foreign language and go to a place where shame still exists. It keeps women in check.
I have been around the world, lived in several countries for a time, and I can tell you that what you think culturally exists in other places is evaporating. Blame it on globalization, the smart phone, the pill, whatever you want... The world is changing everywhere at an ever increasing pace.

Yes one can largely escape the west for a time, but to what end? Bring home a foreign wife?(the culture may ruin her) Uproot yourself and abandon your homeland? (Welcome to culture shock) Marry a young virgin?(who may become a feminist ho)
All of these desirable scenerios can fail miserably.

So on a positive note, I think people can reach a turning point in life where they can turn things around and still have a shot at a good life and redemption... Even as narrow as that path may be.
 
I appreciate you taking the time to reply, Augustus. For the record I am 29 years old.

I do have to mention, and maybe this changes the way you see things, she and I are living in a state of mortal sin by engaging in pre-marital sex. I am Catholic and I carry much guilt about this, my only true options are to marry her, or break up and become chaste until I find a wife. I don’t feel like I belong in a church while living this life, so all I do for now is read the bible daily, try my absolute best to live in a way that is pleasing to God despite my fornication, and say my prayers. I also know that I use my state of sin as an excuse not to go to mass and not to confess, knowing I will go back to being sexually immoral within 24 hours of being there.

Telling her I would like to be chaste until we marry would be a hard sell on her, which I know isn’t a good sign. I also know that when I have sex with her, I am putting her before God. I would be more willing to abstain from fornication until marriage than she would, because my faith, while very imperfect, is far stronger than hers. If I was with a strong Christian woman who wanted to be chaste, I would be more than happy to be that with her.


Unfortunately, she was in the depths of sexual immorality when I met her. Being a bit older and wiser, my sex life had not been extremely bad in the 3 years leading up to meeting her, but I still slept with her early on in our getting to know each other. She made it clear that was what she wanted and I evidently have a hard time controlling my lust. On maybe our 5th or 6th encounter - I opened up to her about things, and spoke to her in a serious way about the secular lifestyle and the damage it does to people, and how she needs to find God, seek forgiveness, and find a good man. I opened up to her early on, because I immediately saw she had a very warm and genuine heart, and a gentleness about her. On the day of this conversation, she did a really lovely thing for me when I found myself in a very tough and confusing situation. She pulled through for me when I needed her. I witnessed these virtues in her, despite her lifestyle of sex with near strangers and the fact that she only ever felt validated while getting thrown around in bed by a good looking dude.

It was a very sad thing for me to think about it, and I knew that I could be just another one of those guys contributing to the destruction of her soul, like I had been for almost a decade, or I could be the guy that puts an end to her getting passed around by Godless men solely looking for notches, and at the same time, give me a woman to be loyal to. She tells me now that day was the turning point for her, and I think it may have been for me as well.

I am ashamed that I haven’t been going to Mass myself, so I will start with that. I am confident she would come with me after I start going consistently, but time will tell. God willing, I discipline myself to worship the Lord properly, and she follows me, finds her faith in Jesus, and we have a happy marriage. A part of me feels I need to propose to marry her, providing we are chaste until our wedding night, and we attend pre marriage education in the Catholic Church. A part of me also has a strong feeling she will reject this, unless I tell her we can continue having sex. I worry about marrying a woman who has not learned to control her lustful desires. What happens when the day comes where she doesn’t find me very attractive any more? Or when I only want to have sex every fourth day? Is she looking over the neighbours fence? I agree completely that she needs to come to God before I can ever hope to trust her in this regard. Do I give her time? Do I marry her so I can stop living in mortal sin, once and for all, and hope that God gives us his favour? Is she really the right one? I don’t doubt my ability to land a good woman, but I’m just about in my 30s, and I want a young wife, so decisions need to be made.

I would add that a key thing here, that you have said yourself, is that if she is dominated by sexual lust, as she appears to be at this point, though your faithful sex partner, that this could blow up in your face during a marriage. The problem is that being married is often hard, and things can get stale, stressful and boring at times, including sex. And so unless she has had a spiritual conversion to Christ, and counseling to deal with her sexual issues (counseling many young women need today), the odds are very high that in time, that she will cheat on you, and probably routinely do so, as a means to deal with the stress and frustration of your marriage together, especially once you have children. I don't mean to be overly negative, but infidelity is a major problem these days, and only growing, especially among the young.

You really need to be clear and intense with her, about your Christian/Catholic identity, and how for her to be with you long-term, that she must come unto Christ, and it has to be more than just a mechanical conversion. And that is why I recommended going to Mass together, reading the Bible or Christian primers at home together, praying together as a couple; once or twice a day if possible, going to a Bible study/Christian support group, and eventually, Catholic premarital counseling, which is known for being excellent. And at a certain point, you need to stop having sex with her, and she needs to be able to connect with you non-sexually, and find happiness/satisfaction with only that. If she can't, the two of you will most likely not ultimately make it. And as I said earlier, escalate things fairly fast, but at the same time, don't overwhelm her. And definitely pray for guidance.

It may actually be a good idea for the two of you, within the near future, to see a Catholic priest to just touch bases with him, explain some of your issues, and benefit from some of his insights and wisdom. But you could still wait to do the official premarital counseling till later, if you wanted. Or he may advise that you actually do it now.

If I were you, I would find another woman, who was raised to be a devout Catholic, and had not been sexually promiscuous, with the inherent weakened ability to properly pair-bond. But I understand that you have emotionally connected with this particular woman, you see the good in her due to special experiences together, and so you want her to eventually be your loving wife.

Good luck and my best to you!
 

big poppa

Kingfisher
Gold Member
As you have already mentioned, please go to Mass, even if you are in a state of mortal sin. it is completely OK to do so and it is encouraged. I was in a state of Mortal Sin for months when I first started attending church,finally confessing my sins about 3 months later when i felt comfortable and ready to live out God's commandments. I felt like you when I first started going to church because at the time, I was still fornicating with my ex a few times a month. The guilt you feel is real and shouldn't be ignored. It's there for a reason. However, as I already mentioned, you should not let that prevent you going to mass. Take your GF with you, and even if you both are still in a State Of Mortal Sin, the Word of the Lord and The Sacrifice Of the Mass will work in you two in ways you didn't think possible. I literally thought it was impossible for me to stop fornicating, until God helped me and made it possible for me to control my passions. Now, with His help, I am able to control myself and even control my thoughts to a large extent. Again, this doesn't mean you wont ever commit a Sin again, but God's grace makes it so much easier to control yourself, and if you are to fall again, He will pick you back up as long as you see the error of your ways and pray to improve.

Now, back to you and your Gf. What really stands out is that she started to see the error of her ways, or at least saw a "turning point" in her life, as you did as well. This is a good start. I believe that she is willing to change going by the information you have given us, even if you think she will have a hard time. If I were you, I would sit down with her and seriously tell her what your future plans are, ie to get married and create a family. However, also remind her that both of you have been a victim of this culture and fell for the Sexual Liberation trap and that you would really like to start growing in Virtue(remember, take the lead in this and be enthusiastic about it). Start going to Mass(Traditional Latin Mass preferably of course) on Sunday until it becomes a habit. Treat the next few weeks/months as if you just started a Courtship with a Lady. Really observe your GF from this point on and see how she takes to going to Mass and your increasing religiosity. If she starts acting more distant and strays from you, then you have your answer of dropping her. If she starts to gain even more affection and reverence for you and starts to love going to Mass, then you also have your answer of continuing with her. I believe this is the only way you will get a clear-cut, regret-free answer of whether you should continue with her or not. Try to stress the importance of Virtue a long the way.

If things end up going well, then at some point you two will have to go to the confessional and confess your sins. Once you do this, you two will have to be chaste, and if you really see her as being a potential wife, then this period will also be short. Stress along this time that you see her for much more than a Sex object and that you care for the salvation of her soul, which is the most important thing in our lives... All those questions you have in your last paragraph? They will all be answered during this period of chastity, I guarantee it. You dont have to wait for marriage to find these things out, you both merely have to be chaste, that is all. Again, observe her behavior, see if there are any potential red flags and act accordingly. Again, if things continue to go well, you can propose to her soon after and possibly get married after Easter next year.

I have outlined the best case scenario for you two and I do hope it ends up working out that way. If not, then you let go of someone who is still not ready to be marriage material, and you will have also learned how to control your passions AND what it takes to find a good woman. It's a win-win situation no matter where it goes. It will be a huge test for both of you since you both have to control your passions, but I believe this is the only path if you want to have a successful future with this lady. If you both slip in the path to be chaste, it is not the end of the world, but you both will really have to resolve that you will be chaste until marriage. Think about the damage fornication does not only to your soul, but your GF's soul as well, that you are trying to help heal. She especially needs this time for her soul to heal, and to learn to not offend God anymore. What you have to be more on the lookout for is if she has eyes for another man, or suspicious behavior, but please ask for God's help, along with the intercession of The Blessed Mother and St. Joseph for help in chastity.

I almost forgot to add this, but start praying the Rosary every single day. This also helped me along the way in ways I can't explain. You can even get your GF involved in praying with you and it will be another soul-bonding experience. If you want to know more about the Faith in general start with the Baltimore Cathechism (its a kids book but its really helpful, even for adults) and also check out "My Catholic Faith" which is a more detailed catechism book. Aslo check out the YouTube Channel "Sensus Fidelium"and check out sermons, especially from Fr Ripperger on what it takes to be a Man, Chastity, virtue etc. He is a pretty hardline Catholic Priest, but this is what you want if you want to get your life together and free from Sin. It will start reshaping who you are.

Please keep us updated on this situation and you can always PM me if you would like any more advice or opinion.

Thanks again for the well thought out post, it’s given me a lot to think about and has helped make my thoughts a lot clearer.

We had a good talk of our desires for the future, I reminded her that we need God to be a part of this relationship for it to have any hope of success, and we need to be good to him and show him that we are serious about living good lives. There was initial concern and confusion on her behalf, and some tears (when telling her that we would need to be chaste for a period before our wedding). I remember thinking at one point that this might be the straw that breaks the camels back, but I knew we needed to sleep on things and see where the next day took us . She woke up feeling much more enthusiastic and excited about things. We continued to talk about it, and she seems very willing to do whatever it takes for us to work, and that she desires Gods presence in our lives. She is excited to start attending mass.

I am feeling more comfortable with things than I was last week, but there’s a long road ahead for us. At least I feel that I will know what to do, one way or the other, in the next half year.

If you had told me 7 months ago that I would be considering marriage with a woman that has been with over 30 men, I would have laughed you out of the room. Yet I find myself in this situation and I am feeling okay about it. Perhaps it is even a type of penance for ruining a really good relationship to a really wonderful woman 5 years ago through my reckless behaviours. I took her virginity, and years later cheated on her.

Things may at least be balanced out if I manage to bring my current girl into a Christian lifestyle. She was getting tattooed, sleeping with randoms and going solo to bars... and then she met me. I will be taking her to mass next week with the idea that it could be the first steps toward marriagein 2021.
 
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big poppa

Kingfisher
Gold Member
I would add that a key thing here, that you have said yourself, is that if she is dominated by sexual lust, as she appears to be at this point, though your faithful sex partner, that this could blow up in your face during a marriage. The problem is that being married is often hard, and things can get stale, stressful and boring at times, including sex. And so unless she has had a spiritual conversion to Christ, and counseling to deal with her sexual issues (counseling many young women need today), the odds are very high that in time, that she will cheat on you, and probably routinely do so, as a means to deal with the stress and frustration of your marriage together, especially once you have children. I don't mean to be overly negative, but infidelity is a major problem these days, and only growing, especially among the young.

You really need to be clear and intense with her, about your Christian/Catholic identity, and how for her to be with you long-term, that she must come unto Christ, and it has to be more than just a mechanical conversion. And that is why I recommended going to Mass together, reading the Bible or Christian primers at home together, praying together as a couple; once or twice a day if possible, going to a Bible study/Christian support group, and eventually, Catholic premarital counseling, which is known for being excellent. And at a certain point, you need to stop having sex with her, and she needs to be able to connect with you non-sexually, and find happiness/satisfaction with only that. If she can't, the two of you will most likely not ultimately make it. And as I said earlier, escalate things fairly fast, but at the same time, don't overwhelm her. And definitely pray for guidance.

It may actually be a good idea for the two of you, within the near future, to see a Catholic priest to just touch bases with him, explain some of your issues, and benefit from some of his insights and wisdom. But you could still wait to do the official premarital counseling till later, if you wanted. Or he may advise that you actually do it now.

If I were you, I would find another woman, who was raised to be a devout Catholic, and had not been sexually promiscuous, with the inherent weakened ability to properly pair-bond. But I understand that you have emotionally connected with this particular woman, you see the good in her due to special experiences together, and so you want her to eventually be your loving wife.

Good luck and my best to you!

Thanks mate, another good post.

I agree with your points in the opening paragraph. I recognise that as of now she is risk of cheating at some point down the line. The only thing that will stop me from doing the same will be my faith, so I realise how important it is for her to find hers.

Your last paragraph, I would honestly be advising the same - except like you said, I’ve spent lots of time with her, and do see something really wholesome in her. Early signs are very positive in how she has reacted to our conversation, so I’m happy to see how things go over the next few months. Whatever the outcome, I feel confident that God will lead me to the right decision.
 

Cortés

Woodpecker
Gold Member
As you have already mentioned, please go to Mass, even if you are in a state of mortal sin. it is completely OK to do so and it is encouraged. I was in a state of Mortal Sin for months when I first started attending church,finally confessing my sins about 3 months later when i felt comfortable and ready to live out God's commandments. I felt like you when I first started going to church because at the time, I was still fornicating with my ex a few times a month. The guilt you feel is real and shouldn't be ignored. It's there for a reason. However, as I already mentioned, you should not let that prevent you going to mass. Take your GF with you, and even if you both are still in a State Of Mortal Sin, the Word of the Lord and The Sacrifice Of the Mass will work in you two in ways you didn't think possible. I literally thought it was impossible for me to stop fornicating, until God helped me and made it possible for me to control my passions. Now, with His help, I am able to control myself and even control my thoughts to a large extent. Again, this doesn't mean you wont ever commit a Sin again, but God's grace makes it so much easier to control yourself, and if you are to fall again, He will pick you back up as long as you see the error of your ways and pray to improve.

Now, back to you and your Gf. What really stands out is that she started to see the error of her ways, or at least saw a "turning point" in her life, as you did as well. This is a good start. I believe that she is willing to change going by the information you have given us, even if you think she will have a hard time. If I were you, I would sit down with her and seriously tell her what your future plans are, ie to get married and create a family. However, also remind her that both of you have been a victim of this culture and fell for the Sexual Liberation trap and that you would really like to start growing in Virtue(remember, take the lead in this and be enthusiastic about it). Start going to Mass(Traditional Latin Mass preferably of course) on Sunday until it becomes a habit. Treat the next few weeks/months as if you just started a Courtship with a Lady. Really observe your GF from this point on and see how she takes to going to Mass and your increasing religiosity. If she starts acting more distant and strays from you, then you have your answer of dropping her. If she starts to gain even more affection and reverence for you and starts to love going to Mass, then you also have your answer of continuing with her. I believe this is the only way you will get a clear-cut, regret-free answer of whether you should continue with her or not. Try to stress the importance of Virtue a long the way.

If things end up going well, then at some point you two will have to go to the confessional and confess your sins. Once you do this, you two will have to be chaste, and if you really see her as being a potential wife, then this period will also be short. Stress along this time that you see her for much more than a Sex object and that you care for the salvation of her soul, which is the most important thing in our lives... All those questions you have in your last paragraph? They will all be answered during this period of chastity, I guarantee it. You dont have to wait for marriage to find these things out, you both merely have to be chaste, that is all. Again, observe her behavior, see if there are any potential red flags and act accordingly. Again, if things continue to go well, you can propose to her soon after and possibly get married after Easter next year.

I have outlined the best case scenario for you two and I do hope it ends up working out that way. If not, then you let go of someone who is still not ready to be marriage material, and you will have also learned how to control your passions AND what it takes to find a good woman. It's a win-win situation no matter where it goes. It will be a huge test for both of you since you both have to control your passions, but I believe this is the only path if you want to have a successful future with this lady. If you both slip in the path to be chaste, it is not the end of the world, but you both will really have to resolve that you will be chaste until marriage. Think about the damage fornication does not only to your soul, but your GF's soul as well, that you are trying to help heal. She especially needs this time for her soul to heal, and to learn to not offend God anymore. What you have to be more on the lookout for is if she has eyes for another man, or suspicious behavior, but please ask for God's help, along with the intercession of The Blessed Mother and St. Joseph for help in chastity.

I almost forgot to add this, but start praying the Rosary every single day. This also helped me along the way in ways I can't explain. You can even get your GF involved in praying with you and it will be another soul-bonding experience. If you want to know more about the Faith in general start with the Baltimore Cathechism (its a kids book but its really helpful, even for adults) and also check out "My Catholic Faith" which is a more detailed catechism book. Aslo check out the YouTube Channel "Sensus Fidelium"and check out sermons, especially from Fr Ripperger on what it takes to be a Man, Chastity, virtue etc. He is a pretty hardline Catholic Priest, but this is what you want if you want to get your life together and free from Sin. It will start reshaping who you are.

Please keep us updated on this situation and you can always PM me if you would like any more advice or opinion.

Great post. The point about the rosary is important. When I was first coming back to the church, I started with praying the rosary every night. Any time that I was about to cave in on one of my worst vices, I felt this sense of guilt that would always dissuade me. How could I sin so vulgarly while I pray to Mary every night? Every conscious choice to sin became a moral issue in my head, and more often than not, kept me from reverting back to old ways.

Obviously it is not a fix all and will keep you from commiting any sin. I still struggle with a few of my vices, but I am in a much better position than even a year ago. I put off confession for far too long, as I planned to do it but delayed until the coronavirus came around and It wasn't possible. Fortunately, I did it last weekend, but it was a very general confession about my past lifestyle. I hope over the coming weeks to confess more specific choices and actions from my past that I think still hold me back spiritually.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
Fantastic post.
I almost forgot to add this, but start praying the Rosary every single day. This also helped me along the way in ways I can't explain. You can even get your GF involved in praying with you and it will be another soul-bonding experience. If you want to know more about the Faith in general start with the Baltimore Cathechism (its a kids book but its really helpful, even for adults) and also check out "My Catholic Faith" which is a more detailed catechism book. Aslo check out the YouTube Channel "Sensus Fidelium"and check out sermons, especially from Fr Ripperger on what it takes to be a Man, Chastity, virtue etc. He is a pretty hardline Catholic Priest, but this is what you want if you want to get your life together and free from Sin. It will start reshaping who you are.
+1 for praying the Rosary. This has been an irreplaceable tool in helping me fight off temptation from lust.

Also cosign on the Baltimore Catechism. It might seem like a children's book, but there's a lot of solid meat in there that will stick with you. Just read a chapter a day, and think about it through the day. You'll make a lot of progress.
 
Thanks again for the well thought out post, it’s given me a lot to think about and has helped make my thoughts a lot clearer.

We had a good talk of our desires for the future, I reminded her that we need God to be a part of this relationship for it to have any hope of success, and we need to be good to him and show him that we are serious about living good lives. There was initial concern and confusion on her behalf, and some tears (when telling her that we would need to be chaste for a period before our wedding). I remember thinking at one point that this might be the straw that breaks the camels back, but I knew we needed to sleep on things and see where the next day took us . She woke up feeling much more enthusiastic and excited about things. We continued to talk about it, and she seems very willing to do whatever it takes for us to work, and that she desires Gods presence in our lives. She is excited to start attending mass.

I am feeling more comfortable with things than I was last week, but there’s a long road ahead for us. At least I feel that I will know what to do, one way or the other, in the next half year.

If you had told me 7 months ago that I would be considering marriage with a woman that has been with over 30 men, I would have laughed you out of the room. Yet I find myself in this situation and I am feeling okay about it. Perhaps it is even a type of penance for ruining a really good relationship to a really wonderful woman 5 years ago through my reckless behaviours. I took her virginity, and years later cheated on her.

Things may at least be balanced out if I manage to bring my current girl into a Christian lifestyle. She was getting tattooed, sleeping with randoms and going solo to bars... and then she met me. I will be taking her to mass next week with the idea that it could be the first steps toward marriagein 2021.


Glad to
Thanks again for the well thought out post, it’s given me a lot to think about and has helped make my thoughts a lot clearer.

We had a good talk of our desires for the future, I reminded her that we need God to be a part of this relationship for it to have any hope of success, and we need to be good to him and show him that we are serious about living good lives. There was initial concern and confusion on her behalf, and some tears (when telling her that we would need to be chaste for a period before our wedding). I remember thinking at one point that this might be the straw that breaks the camels back, but I knew we needed to sleep on things and see where the next day took us . She woke up feeling much more enthusiastic and excited about things. We continued to talk about it, and she seems very willing to do whatever it takes for us to work, and that she desires Gods presence in our lives. She is excited to start attending mass.

I am feeling more comfortable with things than I was last week, but there’s a long road ahead for us. At least I feel that I will know what to do, one way or the other, in the next half year.

If you had told me 7 months ago that I would be considering marriage with a woman that has been with over 30 men, I would have laughed you out of the room. Yet I find myself in this situation and I am feeling okay about it. Perhaps it is even a type of penance for ruining a really good relationship to a really wonderful woman 5 years ago through my reckless behaviours. I took her virginity, and years later cheated on her.

Things may at least be balanced out if I manage to bring my current girl into a Christian lifestyle. She was getting tattooed, sleeping with randoms and going solo to bars... and then she met me. I will be taking her to mass next week with the idea that it could be the first steps toward marriagein 2021.

I'm glad to hear she is willing to start this journey with you. I will pray for both of you and include you in my Rosary intentions tonight. God Bless.
 

Lionheart

Sparrow
Sh
Thanks again for the well thought out post, it’s given me a lot to think about and has helped make my thoughts a lot clearer.

We had a good talk of our desires for the future, I reminded her that we need God to be a part of this relationship for it to have any hope of success, and we need to be good to him and show him that we are serious about living good lives. There was initial concern and confusion on her behalf, and some tears (when telling her that we would need to be chaste for a period before our wedding). I remember thinking at one point that this might be the straw that breaks the camels back, but I knew we needed to sleep on things and see where the next day took us . She woke up feeling much more enthusiastic and excited about things. We continued to talk about it, and she seems very willing to do whatever it takes for us to work, and that she desires Gods presence in our lives. She is excited to start attending mass.

I am feeling more comfortable with things than I was last week, but there’s a long road ahead for us. At least I feel that I will know what to do, one way or the other, in the next half year.

If you had told me 7 months ago that I would be considering marriage with a woman that has been with over 30 men, I would have laughed you out of the room. Yet I find myself in this situation and I am feeling okay about it. Perhaps it is even a type of penance for ruining a really good relationship to a really wonderful woman 5 years ago through my reckless behaviours. I took her virginity, and years later cheated on her.

Things may at least be balanced out if I manage to bring my current girl into a Christian lifestyle. She was getting tattooed, sleeping with randoms and going solo to bars... and then she met me. I will be taking her to mass next week with the idea that it could be the first steps toward marriagein 2021.
She literally was crying when you talked to her about no sex before marriage. She does not seem to be nearly as devoted to the faith as you are and this is unlikely to change. It's only been 6 months and the two of you are still in the lovers/honeymoon phase. Wait another 6 months to a year and it's likely her true colors will show.
 
I agree with the notion that it's important to accept responsibility for everything that happens in your life.

However there are some areas on the macro scale that are beyond every man's reach:

-Slut culture (feminism)
-Social media (makes it easy to be promiscuous)
-Thirsty men ready to sacrifice their morals for a chance to get laid.

I think vetting for a good woman is the best you can do:

-Virgin
-Religious
-Loves kids
-Good relationship with father
-Her friend group

That's as far as I'll take my personal responsibility. Don't plan on rolling the dice on a 50+ body count with a nice IG page. Risk/reward.....just like investing.
 
BB is one of the last thriving red-pill channel on Youtube because he has learned how to carefully couch his language to avoid getting deplatformed. (Frankly, I'm surprised Donovan Sharpe and Sandman haven't been kicked off.)


I think MGTOW will be allowed online because it furthers dissent between men and women, shares only a partial truth, and targets pretty much only white men, and has a tacit philosophy of "pump and dump, never form real relationships".

MGTOW is pretty beneficial to Globohomo.

There is also a newish subreddit called femaledatingstrategy. It is basically the female response to the redpill, and women get together and strategize how to find a high value man. It is pretty interesting, because this is the first time I've seen women online propose waiting at least 3 dates for sex. The sub is currently secular and feminist, so it is allowed to spread and promote itself. It will be interesting to see if women over there begin promoting religion, or total chastity until marriage. I think if that happens women will find their allies in power may shut them down. Something to keep an eye on for sure.
 
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