Sorry to hear that brother, I can't possibly imagine what you and your girls have gone through.
Why do you believe women cheat?
- Thread starter lunchmoney
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Sorry to hear that brother, I can't possibly imagine what you and your girls have gone through.
Just a theory of mine. Since nowadays most guys have low testosterone compared to the previous generations of men, it could be the reason why women cheat. They don't want to be with a beta subconsciously and will find ways to cheat.
JiggyLordJr
Kingfisher
If a culture permits cheating, and a woman senses a higher quality mate than her current selection, she will make an effort to cheat. It's in their DNA to seek the highest quality sperm, so I can't really fault them for that. The culture, however, is created by men, and weak men will generally permit cheating.
Overall the problem is that the average testosterone level is lower than it used to be, and that there are no repercussions for cheating in 1st world countries. In the old days, if a woman cheated, she was either excommunicated, beat senseless, or just killed on the spot. Rough, yes, but the threat of violence and/or social ostracization is enough to keep most women in line. AFAIK the only places that still practice this are China, parts of EE, and Africa.
Overall the problem is that the average testosterone level is lower than it used to be, and that there are no repercussions for cheating in 1st world countries. In the old days, if a woman cheated, she was either excommunicated, beat senseless, or just killed on the spot. Rough, yes, but the threat of violence and/or social ostracization is enough to keep most women in line. AFAIK the only places that still practice this are China, parts of EE, and Africa.
Jones
Woodpecker
The easy answer is because they can - and also because whoever they are with, they do not respect.
They also sometimes, rarely, cheat out of guilt, a form of self-harm, punishing themselves for their past mistakes, perhaps due to a past relationship where they cheated, feeling bad for the pain they have caused on another, which is also pain they caused on themselves.
What is cheating if not, at the same time, taking an easier way out of one problem, yet also creating worse problems for yourself.
I'll share this with you all to clarify:
"Sometimes we want to hide from ourselves– we do not want to be us – it is too difficult to be us. It is at these times that we turn to drugs or alcohol or behavior to help us forget that we are ourselves…This of course is only a temporary solution to a problem which is going to keep returning, and sometimes these temporary solutions are worse for us than the original problem…Yes, it is a dilemma. Is there an answer? Of course there is: as a wise person said with a smile: ‘The answer is within the question.’"
They also sometimes, rarely, cheat out of guilt, a form of self-harm, punishing themselves for their past mistakes, perhaps due to a past relationship where they cheated, feeling bad for the pain they have caused on another, which is also pain they caused on themselves.
What is cheating if not, at the same time, taking an easier way out of one problem, yet also creating worse problems for yourself.
I'll share this with you all to clarify:
"Sometimes we want to hide from ourselves– we do not want to be us – it is too difficult to be us. It is at these times that we turn to drugs or alcohol or behavior to help us forget that we are ourselves…This of course is only a temporary solution to a problem which is going to keep returning, and sometimes these temporary solutions are worse for us than the original problem…Yes, it is a dilemma. Is there an answer? Of course there is: as a wise person said with a smile: ‘The answer is within the question.’"
BlastbeatCasanova
Kingfisher
Not quite sure I agree with this assertion, because of their eggs and fertility window I think women are designed to lock down the highest quality man they can. If they feel this way, and the man holds frame and is high value, then = happy relationship on the woman’s part. I think men are more biologically programmed to “cheat” because we make millions of sperm per hour and it’s our biological prerogative to “spread our seed.” Not a bug, but a feature, cleverly implemented by Nature/God. However because of the spark of divinity or for whatever reason you want to choose, men and women battle out their built-in nature to remain faithful to one partner; whether this is a modern societal construct that works for the better or not could be up for debate. This battle between our animal nature and our higher faculties/human duties is a big part of the human condition and something I have trouble reconciling. They say a man is only as loyal as his options, and that men cheat with their dicks and women cheat with their hearts. Such is life.
I think for most guys, they get comfortable in a relationship, stop taking charge, become wishy-washy/indecisive on stuff, etc. This sort of weakness greatly turns the woman off and hypergamy kicks in. It’s sucks but it seems to be a common cycle, even in my own personal life.
Yes but more like one / two baby per man. So after a few years women lose interest in a man they were attracted to. Also the highest quality man in women's sense is not what we men understand as high quality. I'd say it's closer to the opposite. As to societal constructs of monogamy they sure work for the better for a society as a whole.
no it's just a romantic / white knight's philosophy. Women are closer to animals than men. It can be right in a sense that men need sex more than women.
EuropeanCanon
Robin
Men cheat because of lust. But women cheat because of ALSO LUST
The argument of why women cheat is as valid as to why men cheat.
I see no point in trying to justify why women cheat as many of the men here are doing. That's just adding more wood to the fire and let it burn.
You will never solve the problem of cheating in women by explaining. That's like trying to explain why a criminal commits crimes or why a schizophrenic is schizophrenic.
I noticed men have this tendency to make logic out of things they don't understand and then be contempt with their own delusional explanations as if they had researched the whole topic and had formulated a scientific opinion out of common beliefs.
Going back to what I initially said, women cheat for the same reasons men cheat. If we are going to explain the cheating in women and assume it as normal, we may very well assume the same about men, and instead of waiting for our wives to cheat, dump them for the younger girl we can find. Why not?
Some of you ask: How could she do that with a child?
I ask you: Why didn't he do that with the child and got that child a younger stepmother of bigger breasts?
Can you understand where I am going here? Society condemns men and supports women.
What can you do about it? Don't marry any woman! Don't trust any woman! Put security cameras inside the house!
Then, they can't divorce a marriage they don't have, and if they cheat, they do it only once before they are found.
If they decide to cheat and leave, they go with nothing.
I never accepted marriage proposals from women, and 4 have already proposed me marriage.
As I don't accept to marry them, they eventually leave to find another sucker, and I'm fine with that.
All my friends and relatives married women I would never accept. That's their choice.
Lots of men think "women are designed to lock down the highest quality man they can", and that's the most stupid thing a man can believe. Whenever I go out, all the men are like assholes trying to get the best women by acting as imbeciles against one another. That is quite obviously based on those dumb beliefs. Don't you think women know how to choose? Besides, every day there's a new girl turning 20.
I never engage in those alpha-male bullshits. Beta males think that's how it works. Most women are already whores when they get married. They don't suddenly cheat because they are bored. And if you think the best woman must be won out of competition with other men, you are already setting yourself to be cheated. As a matter of fact, if you want to test how loyal a woman is, take her to a bar where all the big machos can hit on her, and see how she behaves. If she wants to see her ex, great! Take her with you and watch them talk! Does she want to go party with her female friends? Fine! Make sure you know where and put someone you trust spying on her. It won't take look to know her nature. She won't become a whore because she watches some TV show.
I see no point in trying to justify why women cheat as many of the men here are doing. That's just adding more wood to the fire and let it burn.
You will never solve the problem of cheating in women by explaining. That's like trying to explain why a criminal commits crimes or why a schizophrenic is schizophrenic.
I noticed men have this tendency to make logic out of things they don't understand and then be contempt with their own delusional explanations as if they had researched the whole topic and had formulated a scientific opinion out of common beliefs.
Going back to what I initially said, women cheat for the same reasons men cheat. If we are going to explain the cheating in women and assume it as normal, we may very well assume the same about men, and instead of waiting for our wives to cheat, dump them for the younger girl we can find. Why not?
Some of you ask: How could she do that with a child?
I ask you: Why didn't he do that with the child and got that child a younger stepmother of bigger breasts?
Can you understand where I am going here? Society condemns men and supports women.
What can you do about it? Don't marry any woman! Don't trust any woman! Put security cameras inside the house!
Then, they can't divorce a marriage they don't have, and if they cheat, they do it only once before they are found.
If they decide to cheat and leave, they go with nothing.
I never accepted marriage proposals from women, and 4 have already proposed me marriage.
As I don't accept to marry them, they eventually leave to find another sucker, and I'm fine with that.
All my friends and relatives married women I would never accept. That's their choice.
Lots of men think "women are designed to lock down the highest quality man they can", and that's the most stupid thing a man can believe. Whenever I go out, all the men are like assholes trying to get the best women by acting as imbeciles against one another. That is quite obviously based on those dumb beliefs. Don't you think women know how to choose? Besides, every day there's a new girl turning 20.
I never engage in those alpha-male bullshits. Beta males think that's how it works. Most women are already whores when they get married. They don't suddenly cheat because they are bored. And if you think the best woman must be won out of competition with other men, you are already setting yourself to be cheated. As a matter of fact, if you want to test how loyal a woman is, take her to a bar where all the big machos can hit on her, and see how she behaves. If she wants to see her ex, great! Take her with you and watch them talk! Does she want to go party with her female friends? Fine! Make sure you know where and put someone you trust spying on her. It won't take look to know her nature. She won't become a whore because she watches some TV show.
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The Prime Minister
Pigeon
Why do women cheat?
It might be partly biological.
Throughout human history and recorded by all cultures across the globe, there have always been warnings about female nature and how it can get out of hand.
Not only that but cuckoldry, hybristophilia, war brides, hypergamy, and polygamy are some ways women reproduced throughout human history.
This is an uncomfortable fact for many men to admit.
However, human beings have free will and know right from wrong. Society, culture, tradition, shaming, monogamy, morality and religion usually kept these kind of things in check for the sake of raising children and maintaining societal stability.
Once that pressure is gone, what can stop cheating from being held back? In today's world, women are even celebrated for indulging in evil.
It might be partly biological.
Throughout human history and recorded by all cultures across the globe, there have always been warnings about female nature and how it can get out of hand.
Not only that but cuckoldry, hybristophilia, war brides, hypergamy, and polygamy are some ways women reproduced throughout human history.
This is an uncomfortable fact for many men to admit.
However, human beings have free will and know right from wrong. Society, culture, tradition, shaming, monogamy, morality and religion usually kept these kind of things in check for the sake of raising children and maintaining societal stability.
Once that pressure is gone, what can stop cheating from being held back? In today's world, women are even celebrated for indulging in evil.
Me myself and I.
Chicken
Working women fall for getting wooed at work. It makes no difference.Seems like you've answered the question sir
Me myself and I.
Chicken
And on top of this, the dad gets blamed for being overbearing and is ostracized if he attempts to properly realign his children. Simply because the mom retains the main physical presence (familiarity breeds contempt).
Me myself and I.
Chicken
I'm not quite sure of this. Speaking anecdotally, I've seen many (at least superficially) women date/mate/marry/retire with, what would be called here, weak men. I wouldn't in any way call them a "higher quality male", but for some reason their partner does.
Me myself and I.
Chicken
Some men want children. Typically that involves a woman.
Heismightytosave
Sparrow
As I've said before, I believe that the vast majority of women will cheat with a man that they perceive to be alpha. The only real exception is a woman with a rock solid relationship with Jesus Christ.
The following experience affected me for a long time- I have never forgotten it:
A few years ago, myself and a couple of friends were hanging out at a buddies house after the bars closed. It was just us and his wife. She had been drinking as had we. I could tell from body language that his wife was very attracted to me, although- at least at first- she made no overt moves of any kind. No intentional flirting or anything like that. No secretive glances, or sexual comments, etc etc...
Probably 1/2 hour after we got there, I was sitting at the table with the other guys. Although there were open chairs, she sat right on my lap. I remember very vividly looking at her and observing to my amazement that she was acting totally on autopilot; in other words, there was 0 evil intent, there was 0 plotting and scheming, there wasn't so much as a consideration of what she was doing.
I remember that I tried to squirm to the side of the chair, but there was no place to go. And every time I tried to squirm away, she would subconsciously squirm right next to me. She even put her arm around me when I was hanging off the chair. But that's not the bad part, the bad part was that this girl was/is smoking hot. Probably a solid 9. And she smelled phenomenal, and I could feel that pull towards her, and it was really tempting me. And she did start to flirt a little, but very subtle, and probably not even realizing what she was doing. But so subtle that my buddy didn't seem to notice; maybe he drank too much, I'm not sure.
I knew absolutely at that moment that if my buddy passed out or even left the room she would have cheated in a second, probably not even considering what she was doing until after the deed was done.
Thankfully, I had already been saved at that point in my life and by the grace of God I was able to see the sin coming before it happened and get out of dodge.
BUT- I never forgot it. How many times has that exact scenario played itself out with disastrous results? Families ruined, marriages in shambles, kids lives destroyed. Temptation is real. Sin is a real foe that wants to take us out.
My point is that its very fashionable to want to stone the hoe, but the truth is that oftentimes its a lot more subtle than most of us would like to admit.
The following experience affected me for a long time- I have never forgotten it:
A few years ago, myself and a couple of friends were hanging out at a buddies house after the bars closed. It was just us and his wife. She had been drinking as had we. I could tell from body language that his wife was very attracted to me, although- at least at first- she made no overt moves of any kind. No intentional flirting or anything like that. No secretive glances, or sexual comments, etc etc...
Probably 1/2 hour after we got there, I was sitting at the table with the other guys. Although there were open chairs, she sat right on my lap. I remember very vividly looking at her and observing to my amazement that she was acting totally on autopilot; in other words, there was 0 evil intent, there was 0 plotting and scheming, there wasn't so much as a consideration of what she was doing.
I remember that I tried to squirm to the side of the chair, but there was no place to go. And every time I tried to squirm away, she would subconsciously squirm right next to me. She even put her arm around me when I was hanging off the chair. But that's not the bad part, the bad part was that this girl was/is smoking hot. Probably a solid 9. And she smelled phenomenal, and I could feel that pull towards her, and it was really tempting me. And she did start to flirt a little, but very subtle, and probably not even realizing what she was doing. But so subtle that my buddy didn't seem to notice; maybe he drank too much, I'm not sure.
I knew absolutely at that moment that if my buddy passed out or even left the room she would have cheated in a second, probably not even considering what she was doing until after the deed was done.
Thankfully, I had already been saved at that point in my life and by the grace of God I was able to see the sin coming before it happened and get out of dodge.
BUT- I never forgot it. How many times has that exact scenario played itself out with disastrous results? Families ruined, marriages in shambles, kids lives destroyed. Temptation is real. Sin is a real foe that wants to take us out.
My point is that its very fashionable to want to stone the hoe, but the truth is that oftentimes its a lot more subtle than most of us would like to admit.
SlickyBoy
Hummingbird
They've been telling us since Adam and Eve what women are capable of when left unsupervised. The Muslims got it right, as did early christians. The Mormons come close with their rules, but they're slipping a bit with each passing decade.
It isn't like Christians don't know how women need to be led, or what rules to enforce, it's just that we took so much for granted and discarded those rules. Throw in electronic access to opportunity and societal atomization and there's no village to shame a woman caught stepping out. Soon, that lack of shame perverts into outright encouragement to the point of advocating "open relationships" (cheating) during a supposedly committed relationship.
BTW, it isn't just that women are cheating, but when they do, they're often very risky about it. I recall Donovan Sharpe saying in an episode that cheating women always cheat without regard to contraception, or at least with the least "safe sex" practices in mind. There's just something primal about their behavior that no amount of available preventive steps will ever eliminate. They depend upon leadership to keep them in line.
It isn't like Christians don't know how women need to be led, or what rules to enforce, it's just that we took so much for granted and discarded those rules. Throw in electronic access to opportunity and societal atomization and there's no village to shame a woman caught stepping out. Soon, that lack of shame perverts into outright encouragement to the point of advocating "open relationships" (cheating) during a supposedly committed relationship.
BTW, it isn't just that women are cheating, but when they do, they're often very risky about it. I recall Donovan Sharpe saying in an episode that cheating women always cheat without regard to contraception, or at least with the least "safe sex" practices in mind. There's just something primal about their behavior that no amount of available preventive steps will ever eliminate. They depend upon leadership to keep them in line.
SpyofMoses
Sparrow
Everyone else has chimed in about the other issues that lead to women cheating, and I generally agree with the consensus here on the issue at large. But for your friend's situation, I'm willing to bet this is an important part of this. When the kids start getting independent enough, Moms feel less needed at home. This can be unsettling for a marriage, too. An old friend once called this the "7 year hump," which led to the failure of his marriage, too. I do notice that many a marriage fails around when the kids are close to school and day care age. Not every time, but plenty of times.
NoFunInAus
Woodpecker
The world needs more men like you, congrats.