Wife refusing sex and not enjoying it?

zamfir112

Woodpecker
Its also annoying as they cannot give a reason why they do not want to have sex. It all it leads to is confrontation and misery. Im speaking from My own experience as married..even Losing weight and getting fit Will not help.. all the things they did before marriage is now a burden during marriage
 
The solution is simple, remind her that she ain't the only game in town. Schedule a dinner date, ideally somewhere like hooters. Better yet prearrange some "winking" with one of the waitresses working there. Note I am not saying cheat on your wife, just let the possibility play out in her mind.

Dread works. Other thing I can think of is force HER to workout. Ever noticed how those hardcore gymrats seem to put out like rabbits? Hardcore exercise increases good ol' testosterone in both sex (cross**** does not count as exercise).

EDIT: Forgot one more thing, use alcohol. Lot's of alcohol. Not for you, for her. It will both help sort out the underlying problem (in wine lies the truth as the Romans say) and it crush her inhibitions.
 
Went through it. Almost divorced. Your in the danger zone and will lose everything. Here is the solution.

Find Blue pill Professor s book the 12 steps of dread and implement. It will find a solution plus make you a better man.
He has a poorly produced you tube channel packed with info.

Also, check out reddit married red pill and read the required readings. Post there, not here.

Good luck! I had to really take it up the steps to get it fixed. Hopefully you won't.
 

lskdfjldsf

Pelican
Gold Member
Is this inevitable in every marriage After a few years?

Yes. Welcome to married life!

Specially after birth?

Yes, even more so.

Should a man with kids cheat or divorce to get His needs? Splitting Up a family is not Good.

No, because you're trading a life of commitment and family for a passing physical urge. This is even crueler to kids, who in best case divorce scenarios grow up troubled and embittered by parents' selfishness. You can completely discard all religious arguments against it and reach the same conclusion.

My wife is a stay at home mom and watches our young kids (less than 3 years old). She spends the majority of her day cleaning up piss, shit, vomit, dealing with endless tantrums, all while cooking and cleaning and making sure that I'm fed after work. It's physically and emotionally exhausting work, day in and day out. So yes, an active sex life is put on the backburner.

There are some times when she's in the mood and I'm not, and there are times I'm in the mood and she's not. The key to a happy and fulfilling marriage is knowing when to put aside your own needs to maintain harmony in the relationship. With kids in the picture, it's even more important to put their futures above your own physical needs.

I would have zero respect, none whatsoever, for a man that divorces his wife and subjects his children to an uncertain future because he's not getting laid more than once per week.
 

Jive Turkey

Sparrow
She probably has attachment issues. A lot of women can't get hot and heavy for a guy once their needs for security are met. I know this is really frustrating for you to go through, but keep in mind she is probably annoyed at this as well. She probably wishes she could desire her husband more than she does. If she is like other women she is prideful and will never admit to anything being wrong (like you said), so most likely she is internally shaming herself for being defective and broken.

Most likely this has something to do with her childhood or her father, or her feelings of low self-worth. She also may have been sexually assaulted in the past, and has alienated herself from her sexuality. She was willing to "grin and bear" through sex to get children, but now that her goal of children has been met, what is the point of her having to "put up" with sex anymore. Kind of like how you stop showing up to work once you have enough saved to retire.

She may be afraid of intimacy, she may be bored, she may no longer find you attractive due to something you've done in the past but doesn't want to bring it up because it will make her look petty and immature.

Take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt, because you're probably older than I am, but I've been through a few relationships and apparently my specialty is traumatized girls, so I know a bit about them and how they operate. It seems like the recurring theme in my problems with women is that they don't actually want to say what is going on because of how it will be perceived.

I went through a dead-bedroom at a very young age and the only thing that "fixed" it, was me totally checking out of the relationship. I didn't cheat or try to dread game her, but for some reason she became very interested in me again, and actually started cooking for me every night. The sad part though was that this in a way almost made me more angry and now no longer interested in her, because it became a game of "you only want me when I don't want you".

So with that being said, there could be a number of reasons she is no longer interested in sex. You may or may not be able to get to the bottom of this, a lot of it has to do with whether she wants to change for you and for the marriage. She may also have post-partum depression. What is her support network like. How is her relationship with her mom, your mom, and the other females of the family? A lot of times having children can be traumatic, because it brings up old childhood memories of our own.

Some books I would recommend reading in the meantime are "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski, "The Missing Dimension in Sex" by Herbert Armstrong and "Women's Infidelity" by Michelle Langley (Very hard to find in print, but the .pdf is easily found online, and well worth it)

I guess my final piece of advice is try not to take this situation so seriously. I know from first hand experience how frustrating it can be, but it is easy to get tunnel vision and make this problem the primary focus of your life. I would just back away from sex for a while and see how she reacts. Try to keep a sense of humor and perspective in this situation, and have some compassion and empathy for her. She probably feels broken and confused but is also afraid of owning up to her emotions. Also pray. Pray, pray pray!
 

RockOn

Chicken
So you and your wife aren't having very much sex. There is one important question that needs to be asked?

Does she see this as a problem?

Lots of things will crater a person’s sex-drive: self-esteem issues, stress at work or at home, no sleep, depression, alcohol and medications, etc. When you’re talking about a marriage though, in my experience, it's usually the boredom and familiarity that comes with many passionate relationships cooling down over time.

It could also be they’re not interested in sex with you.

It’s one thing if your spouse was being an equal partner in attempting to get your sex-life back on track. It’s another entirely when it seems like she simply has no interest in trying to fix the situation. And that’s a problem.

Ask this question, and be ready to have that awkward conversation with her.
 

CharlsMile

Chicken
I've read after birth women get depressed. It's something we don't understand but we should be empathy. Maybe you're thinking too much about 10 seconds of orgasm pleasure, but not enough about taking care of your family.
Should a man with kids cheat or divorce to get His needs?
Only if a few minutes of pleasure matter more than having a family.
 

RockOn

Chicken
I've read after birth women get depressed. It's something we don't understand but we should be empathy. Maybe you're thinking too much about 10 seconds of orgasm pleasure, but not enough about taking care of your family.

Only if a few minutes of pleasure matter more than having a family.
Not that I defend cheating or anything, but dismissing sex as only a moment of pleasure completely diminishes the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship. Sex might be the root of his discontent, but the whole marriage has a problem.
 

king bast

Kingfisher
How? She doesnt want..and IF she agrees its lame and boring. And its once every week or two weeks. Far away from My apetite. A healthy marriage is atleast 3 Times per week

Who told you that you need sex at least every second day "for a healthy marriage?" Sounds like youve been conditioned to be a coomer.
Your balls are not going to explode from "only" having sex once a week. Instead of pestering her for sex every waking moment, thereby irritating her into seeing sex as a chore, to be postponed wherever possible, try to reduce the grip lust has on you. Learn to control your lust instead of it controlling you.
 

lskdfjldsf

Pelican
Gold Member
I've read after birth women get depressed.

Postpartum depression -- very real. Pregnancy is a hormonal rollercoaster that crashes hard after the baby is born. Part of the depression is from physical causes (rapid hormone shift) and part is from the stress of sudden life change. With the first baby, it's usually the loss of personal space and freedom. With the second (or others) it's the stress of managing an additional child with even less space/freedom.

I didn't understand it until a good year after birth, when things started to return back to normal. Cut her some slack.
 

zamfir112

Woodpecker
So you and your wife aren't having very much sex. There is one important question that needs to be asked?

Does she see this as a problem?

Lots of things will crater a person’s sex-drive: self-esteem issues, stress at work or at home, no sleep, depression, alcohol and medications, etc. When you’re talking about a marriage though, in my experience, it's usually the boredom and familiarity that comes with many passionate relationships cooling down over time.

It could also be they’re not interested in sex with you.

It’s one thing if your spouse was being an equal partner in attempting to get your sex-life back on track. It’s another entirely when it seems like she simply has no interest in trying to fix the situation. And that’s a problem.

Ask this question, and be ready to have that awkward conversation with her.
Ive has multiple akward conversation.dread gamed.lost weight and became fitter but No matter what she doesnt have interest in sex upp like before the marriage. She says she doesnt Enjoy it and she is happy without it.she says its painful IF i go Hard.feels nothing IF i go soft. even IF we have nothing for 3 months she doesnt care
She doesnt have a excuse as she is a house wife.no work or stress other than the child.. to the point where ive decided i Will cheat soon as ive had enough.. she is not even from the west.
 
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