Wife refusing sex and not enjoying it?

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Tis the reason you must force it, don't aim for love and admiration. Aim for respect and fear instead. The loved feel like they can get away with murder, the fearful do not. Display value.
The way to achieve respect though, I think is based on "love and admiration". She isn't going to respect her husband just because he says to. He's going to have to earn it. Works for me.
 
It's withholding the marital debt. Pre Vatican II pastoral theology dealt with it very seriously. Only a spouse with a regular practice of sacramental confession and knowing it's a predominant fault of theirs can deal with this plague effectively, which otherwise can easily wreck homes and families. And save their soul and possibly their spouses soul as well.
 

lonewolf1968

Kingfisher
If your wife ain't emptying your balls, you should get another one. Find one that's poor and make her understand that if she refuses you, you'll find another who will! Do it indirectly so you won't sound like a jerk.
If you lost interest in her, she should at least give you a daily bj to relieve your stress since you're the bread-winner.
lol That's some old school RVF advice.
 

RKS

Sparrow
Apparently there are also drugs now for low sex drive in pre menopausal women. Its worth a try:

Flibanserin (Addyi), a Viagra-like drug, was approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in 2015 for the treatment of female sexual interest/arousal disorder (FSIAD) in premenopausal women. FSIAD is also known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
Apparently there are also drugs now for low sex drive in pre menopausal women. Its worth a try:

Flibanserin (Addyi), a Viagra-like drug, was approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in 2015 for the treatment of female sexual interest/arousal disorder (FSIAD) in premenopausal women. FSIAD is also known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)
DHEA is also good for low libido.
 

Mike_Key

Woodpecker
I've written a couple other times on this thread. Here are one-liners to teach or share with your wife which she (if she is soft, warm, tender and loving to you) should already know and understand.

"She is the only shop that you can go to. She is the only market where you can stop and pay a visit."

She should be telling you the above two statements in reference to herself and you having sex with her often.

But if she is dense and lazy, then teach her and reminder her occasionally. Actually those two lines above, I heard from women that knew the score. Those lines originated from women and now I share them here. I have a few more that are very powerful, but I need to rack my brain cells.

"She is the only shop that you can go to. She is the only market where you can stop and pay a visit."

You to her:

"You are the only place that I can go for sex. You are the only woman that can give it to me."

Her to you:

"Stop friendly chatting with women, I'm the only shop that you can go to. Come to me. I'm the only market where you can stop and pay a visit."

Hopefully that is helpful. It should move her to emotion and if not, she may be cold as ice. There exist "vacation retreats" for couples with therapy during said weekend. Everyone thinks that those get-away-couples-vacations are fun and pleasurable. No, they are torture and you fight all weekend long with a counselor (if it's a good couples retreat), but hopefully you return home having sex. That's the key and most important thing. You can't solve a problem unless you place it on the table.

Edit:
P.s. I've not been to a retreat but I hear from others that they are ok, good and even great.
Problems are not pretty, they are ugly and unless you nail it down it won't be fixed.

John 3:16
 
Most Marriages eventually do become sexless. After 5 years, one is lucky is they have sex even once per month or every other month.

Casanova once even said "Marriage is the Tomb of Love".
Ahem, just not having sex with her hubby.......probably 3 times a day with some loser, yes, a bad boy gang banger , because he gives her the tingles that boring, steady ole hubby cant...its hard wired into women.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Apparently there are also drugs now for low sex drive in pre menopausal women. Its worth a try:

Flibanserin (Addyi), a Viagra-like drug, was approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in 2015 for the treatment of female sexual interest/arousal disorder (FSIAD) in premenopausal women. FSIAD is also known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD)
PT-141 Bremelanotide (Vyleesi for women approved now) does wonders. Suzanne Somers vouches for it and she is what, about 70? You can google her thoughts on that. If you didn't know, for a long time she has been an advocate of women's bioientical hormone replacement (Yes, THAT Suzanne Somers of Three's Company if I remember right). She is a lot sharper than her tv character.

The PT-141 can now be obtained with a doctor's prescription at a men's clinic. Can only be used twice a week. It is about 150-300 dollars a month for men depending on your dose and it does work, and is more potent than Viagra. It works through the brain instead of the vascular system and can not be used at the same time (day) at Viagra. Might take two or three hours to work but it does indeed work.

The Vyleesi is approved for women.
 
We have sex after about 7 years of marriage and 3 children. But it is always less amount and less enthusiastic than I would like. It is an endless issue for me to get as much as possible.

I am not my ideal self: economically I am much better than my peers but my health is not ideal and I am a lazy ass. I rarely work out and that can be seen on my shape.
In the past I could reverse many of my health issues with changes in my lifestyle but I have some minor issues that it seem to be impossible to get rid of. Our children are extra healthy because we were already health concerned when they were born and we feed them healthily. I also do not let them watch moving picture so they constantly do something themselves instead of watching TV.

My experience is that dread works on some level but it is not magic. The problem is that you really have to be good for that to be genuine. With your shape you can not really fake to be better than you are. And I stay on the ethical levels which are not that dreadful.

This is our state described a honest way.
 
We have sex after about 7 years of marriage and 3 children. But it is always less amount and less enthusiastic than I would like. It is an endless issue for me to get as much as possible.

I am not my ideal self: economically I am much better than my peers but my health is not ideal and I am a lazy ass. I rarely work out and that can be seen on my shape.
In the past I could reverse many of my health issues with changes in my lifestyle but I have some minor issues that it seem to be impossible to get rid of. Our children are extra healthy because we were already health concerned when they were born and we feed them healthily. I also do not let them watch moving picture so they constantly do something themselves instead of watching TV.

My experience is that dread works on some level but it is not magic. The problem is that you really have to be good for that to be genuine. With your shape you can not really fake to be better than you are. And I stay on the ethical levels which are not that dreadful.

This is our state described a honest way.
Well you have a very good lifespan of the sex life going, outpacing many others by far. In Europe, particularly with older generations they usually have a better sex life, also in countries such as Greece.

The only limiting factors is that as people age if their health declines or due to stressful situations or the more children you raise, inevitably it may become harder to find the time or desire.

The phenomenon in the US though is that there is too much obsession with entertainment or finding the next big thing to make someone happy, so most sexual relationships decline, especially once married.

You are definitely wise for keeping the children off of watching motion picture. I also refuse to allow children (if I had them) to watch movies or any activity unless I approve it. It's better if they watch informational documentaries. TV destroys natural feeling and experience for anyone's life and introctrinates them.
 
What I wanted to express:

* These posts always remind me that I should do my shit better.
* I think that good sex life in marriage is possible. I know a few people (very few) who I suspect have good sex life in marriage. And I know many who has bad to no sex life.
* I was "red pilled" from the start of our marriage. I have found the manosphere when we were engaged but not married yet. And I knew some of the PUA things even before. (The day when I got to know my wife I was practicing escalation because I have recognized that that was the missing element on the dates with my previous girlfriend :) ) I think using some methods of it helped me somewhat to maintain a good relationship. I think I was destined for eternal betadom before.

Q1: I know a husband who doesn't want more children than their 2 that they already have. Because their sex life became much worse with the children. I suspect that is a bad strategy because the problem is not really the children they are only used as an excuse. (And not wanting to have children in a marriage is not proper christian life choice as well.) What do you think about it?

Q2: What do you think about preventing conception with the goal of a little more gap between children? Is that also a sin? My wife says she is exhausted (what is somewhat understandable) and she wants a little more gap between the currently 1 year old and the next. For example to have at least 2.5 years between them instead of 2. Do you think that is ok to do?
 
Q2: What do you think about preventing conception with the goal of a little more gap between children? Is that also a sin? My wife says she is exhausted (what is somewhat understandable) and she wants a little more gap between the currently 1 year old and the next. For example to have at least 2.5 years between them instead of 2. Do you think that is ok to do?
I opened a thread with a similar question.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
What I wanted to express:

* These posts always remind me that I should do my shit better.
* I think that good sex life in marriage is possible. I know a few people (very few) who I suspect have good sex life in marriage. And I know many who has bad to no sex life.
* I was "red pilled" from the start of our marriage. I have found the manosphere when we were engaged but not married yet. And I knew some of the PUA things even before. (The day when I got to know my wife I was practicing escalation because I have recognized that that was the missing element on the dates with my previous girlfriend :) ) I think using some methods of it helped me somewhat to maintain a good relationship. I think I was destined for eternal betadom before.

Q1: I know a husband who doesn't want more children than their 2 that they already have. Because their sex life became much worse with the children. I suspect that is a bad strategy because the problem is not really the children they are only used as an excuse. (And not wanting to have children in a marriage is not proper christian life choice as well.) What do you think about it?

Q2: What do you think about preventing conception with the goal of a little more gap between children? Is that also a sin? My wife says she is exhausted (what is somewhat understandable) and she wants a little more gap between the currently 1 year old and the next. For example to have at least 2.5 years between them instead of 2. Do you think that is ok to do?
Q2-Marital use of contraception is not biblically prohibited, but avoidance of having children is (be fruitful and multiply). So I see nothing immoral about spacing if that is best for her since she has already been faithful to birth a child.

Q1-The wife is to submit to her husband. If there are issues that need addressed then they should hash it all out. That doesn't mean he always is making the wisest decision, but she is to submit to him because he has his reasons. He needs to be able to explain them as to why he believes this is the best thing to do, but even if she still doesn't agree with him, she is to submit to him.
 
I've never had a problem with any woman refusing me sex. In fact, most often she will want at least as often as I do, if not more.

I believe at least a part of the reason for this is that I would never put up with it. I might accept the "I'm tired" excuse once or twice, but by the 3rd time I'd be starting a fight. And if it got to a 4th time, I'd literally be starting a fight every night over the issue. If this went on for a prolonged period of time in marriage- say 3 months or more- it would be time to go to war. Withholding money, refusing to clean up after myself, even quitting my job would all be on the table.

But the ironic thing is that I've never had to do there.
 
I think a potential problem behind frustration of mot as much sex in marriage as the guy would like comes from premarital sex with said spouse. Back then they were young and healthy and she was trying to get a ring out of the guy she found. So she probably tried to give the impression she was a nymphomaniac (is that why Cosmo is published?) so he would think she was a real find. The guy likes the constant availability of enthusiastic sex and buys her a ring.

The problem (among many) is that, for the guy, the greatest frequency of sex he ever had with her peaked before marriage--it can not go up after marriage, so it is all downhill from there. That leads to resentment--"if I wanted a lot of sex I should have stayed single." If they wait for marriage, the frequency of sex peaks as does their health and other obligations and memories of doing it like rabbits was on this side of marriage.

That does not address someone who refuses sex, but the prevalence of pre-marital sex sets guys up for disappointment later on.
 
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