Wife refusing sex and not enjoying it?

I've never had a problem with any woman refusing me sex. In fact, most often she will want at least as often as I do, if not more.

I believe at least a part of the reason for this is that I would never put up with it. I might accept the "I'm tired" excuse once or twice, but by the 3rd time I'd be starting a fight. And if it got to a 4th time, I'd literally be starting a fight every night over the issue. If this went on for a prolonged period of time in marriage- say 3 months or more- it would be time to go to war. Withholding money, refusing to clean up after myself, even quitting my job would all be on the table.

But the ironic thing is that I've never had to do there.

Many women also end up marrying Men they absolutely aren't attracted to or just disgusted by only so that they can have a Man to support them as their SMV is on the decline.

So all those excuses end up coming up because they were never into their Husbands in the first place. Unlike their past Old Flames who they really were attracted to.
 

Handsome Creepy Eel

Owl
Gold Member
I found this article to be a good read on the subject:


Note that there is no way to "force" anything in this area, it must be resolved through conversation and compromise, otherwise you'll end up with a dead fish wife who gives you frequent sex that she obviously just gets done with, which is even more of a recipe for disaster.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
It's withholding the marital debt. Pre Vatican II pastoral theology dealt with it very seriously. Only a spouse with a regular practice of sacramental confession and knowing it's a predominant fault of theirs can deal with this plague effectively, which otherwise can easily wreck homes and families. And save their soul and possibly their spouses soul as well.
Yes, if you're a traditional Catholic, there is a requirement for your wife to provide sex when requested, as long as it is not unreasonable. If you married a modern women (or belong to a modern church), they are taught that they don't have to give you anything, including sex. In fact, you requesting sex is seen as desperate, and if you push it, it's seen as rape. In that situation, you have to perform the role of a clown and excite her. Of course, that becomes nearly impossible after children and many years of marriage. It's one of the reasons that it's necessary to clarify each other's values before marriage, and also why secular marriage (or even marriage in a non-traditional church) is a big fat joke.
 
I found this article to be a good read on the subject:


Note that there is no way to "force" anything in this area, it must be resolved through conversation and compromise, otherwise you'll end up with a dead fish wife who gives you frequent sex that she obviously just gets done with, which is even more of a recipe for disaster.

You know its absolutely sad that Call-Girls or Escorts fulfills the role of Wife better than many Wives nowadays outside of being a Mother.

It goes to show how many people in their hearts truly despise marriage and the marriage bed.
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
You know its absolutely sad that Call-Girls or Escorts fulfills the role of Wife better than many Wives nowadays outside of being a Mother.

It goes to show how many people in their hearts truly despise marriage and the marriage bed.
Maybe you are exaggerating the roles of being a good mother in this day and age.
 

get2choppaaa

Ostrich
I got divorced 5 years ago. Hilariously, at 24 married i had a wet dream because we didnt have sex for weeks. I been with the same girl for 3 years now and it was nothing like my marriage. I didn't have much life experience then, and i look back and think wow how crap was that marriage. Not saying you should get divorced, but maybe you should. Prepare for the very worst though, ive had it all, homeless, bankrupted, not seeing the 2 kids I have with her for months, etc etc etc If I was to do anything different, i wouldnt have married her. But i still want my kids.
Went through this all also, though the sex part was never an issue.

Just got engaged to a woman who's also been going with me to the Orthodox Church for the last year. Even the most mundane experiences are 10000x better than a single day with my ex-wife.... But I agree the kids are the kicker.

OP do you and you misses share the same faith, I may have missed this in the previous posts as I haven't caught up in a couple months on this one, but that would be worth knowing.

As a rule of thumb, divorce is one of the worst things a man can experience, so I'd shy away from entertaining that until there have been many attempts to reconcile through the church.
 
Maybe you are exaggerating the roles of being a good mother in this day and age.

Maybe. Its strange that many GF's and escorts do certain wifely duties better because they would actually put effort into making it work including resolving underlying issues.

I know there are many good marriages out there but the fact that our culture influences the attitude towards marriage its not surprising that the marriage bed is to be made as bad as possible as much as fornication is to be made as good as possible by comparison by spiritual forces ultimately.

Frigidity in the marriage bed and promiscuity outside it both have the same evil origins.
 

Tytalus

Pelican
Is this inevitable in every marriage After a few years? Specially after birth? Why does this happen to most men. Should a man with kids cheat or divorce to get His needs? Splitting Up a family is not Good. Why do women hate pleasing their husband these days?
Women's sex drive naturally goes down after having a kid, this is a biological thing to protect them from having another child too early. Back to back pregnancies are very hard on a woman, and in the old days, would lead to increased odds of a dead mother and/or baby.

So, you've tried fail move #2, TALKING. You cannot negotiate your wife's sex drive. What you can do is improve your attitude, which is probably 100% the reason she's not interested. Working out more and getting more fit is what YOU, as a man, find more attractive. Are you yelling at her everyday? If you are, chances are she's not horny.
Ive has multiple akward conversation.dread gamed.lost weight and became fitter but No matter what she doesnt have interest in sex upp like before the marriage. She says she doesnt Enjoy it and she is happy without it.she says its painful IF i go Hard.feels nothing IF i go soft. even IF we have nothing for 3 months she doesnt care
She doesnt have a excuse as she is a house wife.no work or stress other than the child.. to the point where ive decided i Will cheat soon as ive had enough.. she is not even from the west.

Dude, are you using lube? Seriously, go to the pharmacy and buy some. After birth women often get sewed up, and there's scar tissue in their pussy that won't stretch properly anymore. The solution is more sex, not less, but it can take years to go away.


So @zamfir112, go through this list with us, and post how you're doing on each of these points. We can't really help you otherwise. LIke, are you doing any foreplay and cuddling, being romantic to get her interested? Or were you jamming your dick in and surprised she's not having an orgasm?


(0) Pick a suitable woman who pleases you. It's hard to fix the wrong pick, and I speak from personal experience.

(1) Emotional regulation is key. Getting upset, angry, shouting, and being critical is very destructive. An immature woman will provoke you to make herself horny. A mature woman will resist that temptation. Tone of voice is so critical, and so hard to notice unless you've trained yourself to hear it. You know the whole "Stop shouting at me!" when you're not even raising your voice? Your tone is too violent/angry to women.

(2) Households generate a LOT of work, especially with little kids. Even homemakers need help. If you want to be happy, you can't sit on your ass and do nothing in the evenings or weekend. Set aside at least an hour a day to stay on top of your house once you have kids. PLAN your week.

And for fucks sake clean up after yourself - after 18 you're not a monkey who walks around taking a dump wherever they feel like it. Grown men are not children who can't clean anything.

(3) You get out what you put in. If you keep waiting for her to improve or change before you change, your relationship will never change.

(4) When you make a mistake, own up to it. And, try to as much as possible to never severely fuck up and neglect/abuse your wife. She won't forget and it will take years to recover from.

(5) You will have friction in your marriage. Period. You don't need to "fight" (yell/scream) but disagreements will happen, feelings will be hurt. What defines your relationship is how you REPAIR from these moments.

(6) Regular action. I speak as a person with dissociative/addiction problems in the form of constant reading, computer use, porn, etc. The less you avoid reality the easier your reality will be to live in.

(7) Leadership and assertiveness. So critical to do this firmly, but not angrily. (Frame.)

(8) Study in some fashion, relationship skills. As you get older, you just get more set in your ways. Good skills requires daily effort, and periodic studying of things. You will forget things.

(9) Study some Modern parenting books. Fucking up your kid young causes a lot of stress later in life. Don't play whack a mole when they misbehave, recognizing good behavior incentivizes that more than incessant correction. Being an asshole to your kids does not impress your wife, and, years later, your kids will like you in return.

(10) Keep being romantic and pursuing your woman. It never stops, it's a never ending treadmill. Constant vigilance, never rest on your laurels.

(11) Don't use her as a social secretary, servant, or especially a mother figure. If she is bossing you around like your mother did, chances are she doesn't want to have sex with you, or stay married much longer, either. I've seen a couple marriages implode from this from guys who I thought knew better.

(12) Whenever she does something you like, or want her to keep doing, recognize that! Catch her being "good." Zero recognition for the little daily things she does for you breeds resentment and contempt.

(13) Porn will fuck you, and your marriage up. Avoid it, and substitutes, at all costs.

(14) Always stay on top of your social skills. Your wife seeing you do well, and interact in a charismatic fashion with other men and women will enhance her interest in you.

(15) Going to the doctor, physiotherapist, chiropractor does not make you a giant pussy. Stay on top of your health and treat your body with respect. If you have a problem, FIX IT. That is what men do, FIX their own problems, not pretending they aren't there like a fucking pansy.

(16) Stay physical, eat well, avoid gaining excess weight. Women aren't as visual as men are, but they still have EYES. Don't be a fool.

(17) Keep your career moving forward. Depending on your lifestyle and ambition this may be faster or slower... But it should be going somewhere. If you don't want to hit management, then learn more technical skills/obtain technical designations. If you want to hit management, study that. A forward moving career is attractive to your spouse.

(18) Avoid toxic jobs. If you think being in a fucked up work in environment won't bleed into your family life, there's a bridge to nowhere I'd like to sell to you. It's hard when you're the provider, but if you're miserably unhappy at work, FIX IT. Again, you are in charge of your own destiny, so FIX your problems with creative thinking rather than whine how nothing will change. (I speak from serious experience on this one.)

(19) Avoid toxic/loser friends. You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with most. Human beings are reflective in nature. We reflect whatever we surround ourselves with. If you have friends with miserable marriages/relationships, guess what direction yours will go?

(20) Happiness to a certain degree is a choice. How you see the world and react to what happens, is a choice. Choose wisely.

My list of recommended reading:

i. Married Man's Sex Life by Athol Kay (red pill)
ii. Nice Card Mean Card by Athol Kay (red pill lite)
iii. NSFW! Sex God Method by Daniel Rose NSFW! (red pill, and the Most effective book you can ever read, EVER, on how to have sex.)
iv. For His Eyes Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (Christian-lite)
v. For Her Eyes Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (Christian-lite)
vi. What Women Want When they test Men by Bruce Bryans - (red pill) absolutely essential for understanding how to pass tests in a calm fashion.
vii. The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages by Shaunti Feldhahn (Christian-lite)
ix. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. (red pill lite) There's a strong chance you have some of this in you.
x. Study Empathy. More and more it's becoming critical to study this in some form.
xi. Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man (red pill)
xii. Women's Infidelity. SUPER red pill.
xiii. Study Charisma. Charisma Myth is a good starter, and Charisma On Command, while pricey, is worth it.
 
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No offense to the poster above, by I emphatically disagree with a lot of his advice.

Womens sex drive going down after having a kid? Not in my experience.

All those things he suggests NOT to do? To be honest I've done most or all of them and it hasn't hurt my wife's desire (or any other woman I've ever been with, for that matter).

I was going to write you a long post, but instead let me give you just one suggestion for now that will probably have more of a revolutionary effect than anything else you can do:

Be attractive to other women and let your wife see it. The preselection game is very powerful. Dread game will not work without it, because it's essentially a hollow bluff.
 

Qivar

Pigeon
Some of the replies here, if they were to be taken seriously they'd be concerning
and if they were to be taken as jests they'd have to be some of the lamest I've see on the internet
In both cases they are appalling.


As to the thread, I've never been married before but I don't have to be to tell you that cheating on your wife will have an ever-lasting trauma on your children.
 
See if she would be interested in a “French” style marriage, one with a mistress that takes care of the sexual duties. If she agrees with this triumvirate let us know how it goes. Sorry you’re going through this bro.
 

MtnMan

Kingfisher
As to the thread, I've never been married before but I don't have to be to tell you that cheating on your wife will have an ever-lasting trauma on your children.
Completely agree here. I know a few women (my wife being one of them) whos dads cheated on their moms and the effect is lasting, and unfair to the kids. It will effect their relationships negatively for the rest of their lives.
 

Troller

Pelican

"Violez, violez, violez ! Je dis aux hommes : violez les femmes. D'ailleurs, je viole la mienne tous soirs et elle en a marre", a-t-il carrément lâché.

"Rape, rape, rape! I say to men: rape women. Besides, I rape mine every night and she is fed up," he bluntly blurted out.

If you are waiting for woman to say they want sex. Your in a long wait. Your wife is yours to bang whenever you want. If she also wants it. Better. But it doesn´t matter. She will end up enjoying it. But the most important is you enjoy it. Cause if your not getting from your wife you will get it from somewhere else. That would be bad. It´s much worse. She might be cheating on you because you simply don´t bang her. Bang her. Whenever you feel like. Why wouldn´t you? She´s your wife. She´s not a one night thing. She is yours. And you are hers. Be a man.
 
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joost

Kingfisher
Just keep a bottle of lube next to the bed and ask her to bend over to your opposite side so you don't have to watch her face. Fill your hand with lube and apply to your wife's vagina. Insert penis and when done, wash it and go to sleep. /jk

Many women also end up marrying Men they absolutely aren't attracted to or just disgusted by only so that they can have a Man to support them as their SMV is on the decline.

So all those excuses end up coming up because they were never into their Husbands in the first place. Unlike their past Old Flames who they really were attracted to.
A friend of mine is still in a relationship with a single mother. It's been 5 years and they had sex only the first 6 months. I travelled to visit him and I'm going out with him so he can ditch that burden of a woman. We're banging nice girls (I have addiction to beautiful and young women and I can't stop sinning) and now he realized he wasted 5 years of his life with a woman who just used him to take care of her kid. Now that he wants to split, his girl realized he might be ditching her and now she started having sex with him again.
Seeing her use sex as a tool to control my friend infuriates me.

You wife should never take you for granted. Have a good prenup before signing papers. If your wife ain't attracted to you, at least she should respect you. Otherwise you're wasting your happiness.
 

Troller

Pelican
Cheating on your wife is the right way to save a marriage? Looolll.

Your friend sleeps next to a woman for 5 years and doesn’t have sex with her? His wife? Ahahahahahahah

That lube talks seems homo talk.
You push her to the bed. And kiss her. Why wouldnt you want to see your wife face?
 
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Tytalus

Pelican
No offense to the poster above, by I emphatically disagree with a lot of his advice.

Womens sex drive going down after having a kid? Not in my experience.

All those things he suggests NOT to do? To be honest I've done most or all of them and it hasn't hurt my wife's desire (or any other woman I've ever been with, for that matter).

I was going to write you a long post, but instead let me give you just one suggestion for now that will probably have more of a revolutionary effect than anything else you can do:

Be attractive to other women and let your wife see it. The preselection game is very powerful. Dread game will not work without it, because it's essentially a hollow bluff.
Out of curiosity what do you disagree with?

Also, I do agree with your point that your wife seeing you socialize well with other men and women can work well.
 
Out of curiosity what do you disagree with?

Also, I do agree with your point that your wife seeing you socialize well with other men and women can work well.
Two things-

1. I don't believe the narrative that women lose interest in sex after they have kids. This is obviously an attraction problem and not an age thing.

2. I don't believe his having a better attitude will change anything. Honestly if a woman is attracted to you, you can be a total dick and she will still want to have sex with you. It's obviously not an attitude thing, its an attraction thing.
 

Pelern

Sparrow
2. I don't believe his having a better attitude will change anything. Honestly if a woman is attracted to you, you can be a total dick and she will still want to have sex with you. It's obviously not an attitude thing, its an attraction thing.
I think a big part of it is being needy for sex. You should be in control of yourself enough that you don't openly show that her with holding sex bothers you.

The other part of the equation is, do other women find you attractive and want to be around you? If no women find you attractive, it's probably a you problem.
 
The issue here is societal more then anything. It used to be accepted in civilized times that in exchange for no sex outside of marriage sex within marriage was to be had at will be either party. Merely uttering the term "marital rape" would make you a laughing stock. By contrast "denial of affection" (other wordings were also used) could be grounds for divorce from the aggrieved spouse.
 
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