Woman divorces husband after he pays for her law degree

kinjutsu

Pelican
I read the topic title and thought it was me.

My story:

Met my now ex-wife in university. She was from a small town and raised conservative. We got along great for years. During university she became a liberal but so did I. Overall, it didn't seem to matter to much but I did notice her respect/devotion for me seemed to decline. I just thought it was her maturing and becoming more independent.

We get married.

She decides she wants to go back to school for law but goes to a different country because she couldn't get in here (I'm in Canada). She takes out student loans but it's not enough so I pay for the rest. In total including living expenses I think it worked out to like $100k CAD not to mention the fact I was covering the mortgage and all other expenses.

During law school she meets a feminist. I didn't know what feminism really was or cared or understood how this was going to impact me. My ex-wife turned into a toxic feminist. She refused to give me blowjobs because it was demeaning against women but she wanted me to lick her pussy. Relationship takes a nose dive because she starts treating me like garbage. I do my best to try and convince her to be nicer to me. She cheats on me. I still try to mend the relationship (huge mistake) but by then it was already too late. Eventually she just went out and bought a $50k car after I told her we couldn't afford it so I told her I was done and that was the end of that.

I ended up having to pay her $30k to get out of the marriage despite having put her through law school.
That's brutal. The stuff of nightmares.

How old were you and her when things ended?
Is she with the person she cheated on you with?
Did she remarry?
Do you still keep in contact with her?
 

Zeknichov

Sparrow
That's brutal. The stuff of nightmares.

How old were you and her when things ended?
Is she with the person she cheated on you with?
Did she remarry?
Do you still keep in contact with her?

28yo when things were officially ended. We met when I was 20yos.

No, it was just a one night stand with someone in university in a diff country.

No idea.

No, when I suggested she meet with me and a family councilor to try and mend things, she asked me what we needed to talk about? I responded: "uhhh, everything?" She said to me: "the only thing we need to talk about is division of assets." That was the last thing I remember hearing from her. Never spoke to her again.

8 years, my entire twenties really, gone like that.
 

Thoughtcrime

Sparrow
This reminds me of a similar story from a while back. There was this guy I didn't know very well, but I knew that he was going to a community college in his later 20s and focusing on math-heavy courses. His ultimate goal was to get a PhD in physics. It somehow came out in our conversation that he had previously attended that same (very large) community 5 or so years prior to that. I was quite confused so I asked him to clarify. He then told, after a sigh, that he was dating a girl for many years and they both had aspirations of status jobs, but not so much the money to do so (presumably the higher cost came into play after transferring out of community college to a proper university after getting all the prerequisite classes out of the way). Then they came to an agreement that one of them could study while the other one would work your basic near-minimum wage job to pay for both of their living expenses.
You can probably guess how that turned out. They decided that she will study first and get her degree while he will work the McJob. Then, she would support him while he studies. Of course, as soon as she got her degree, the relationship ended. The guy lost years of his life (I don't remember how many, exactly).
As disgusting as these stories are, they're not entirely uncommon.
 

Nordwand

Kingfisher
One from a financial forum, in the UK. A guy gets an inheritance, which enables him to buy a house outright, no mortgage. Sometime later he meets someone; sometime later, they get married.

Four years later, out of the blue, she hits him with a divorce, and gets half the value of the house. Given the massive house price inflation in the UK, that 50% was more than the original purchase price of the house. Basically, she got the guy's legacy, and then some, for 4 years of marriage.

Understandably aggrieved that his ex-wife took him for half the house, despite not having contributed a penny, the guy began to read up on the matter; then, he really got angry. It turns out that, under UK law, common sense prevails up to the three year point, that is to say, she paid in nothing, and would have received nothing. At the four year point, however, she is deemed to have an "interest" in the house, and can make a claim.

Beware the long game gentlemen.
 
My take away from this, it would be that men must constantly maintain a strong frame: financially, psychologically and physically. If these three areas are neglected, the woman is sure to start "shopping" around. Of course, it's not fool proof. His mistake was assuming women will honor their word, which is always a resounding, "no".

In those cases it's not even about frame anymore, it's about the complete cluelessness of these kind of men.
Some men are just blue pill to the core and just will not change no matter what happens. They're easy prey for some women.
I have a cousin like that, he is going through a divorce and his future ex-wife is making him live hell. We're pretty close as we work out together once a week and despite what he's going through he's STILL saying some dumb white knight shit about women.
I just can't understand those men.
 

Coja Petrus Uscan

Hummingbird
Gold Member
Once her upper class female customers found out that she had split up from her wealthy boyfriend, they literally advised her to get back together with the guy, marry him and stay married for 2-3 years and then dump him for the big payout. They were trying to get her to take advanatage of this guy so she could divorce rape him. She told me that the women that were advising her to do this to her ex were all attorneys, doctors and other corporate management types.

It reminds me of those women who worked for planned parenthood (sic), laughing at chopping up the unborn and selling them to buy a Lamboghini.

I went on a 'date' with a lawyer (fresh outta college) last year. She just walked out after about 10 minutes. Got off lucky.
 
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Mike_Key

Woodpecker
I know a guy that went through this situation. He had family problems growing up with a hard and cold single mom. From my perspective, I gathered that he was weak and without confidence beyond a 4 year degree. He eventually went to Law school, I believe. But the woman that did this to him - after divorcing him practiced law herself, became a local Judge and actually ran for State Supreme Court (in a sizable State). She lost.

A crazy twist, I met her once and wasn't terribly impressed. At a banquet, there before her was this beautiful artist display of dance happening - actually, before us all. We were concerned with turn patterns and body checks, with styling and movement; not to mention the music counts where the dancers choose to dance the more difficult beat - the unconventional challenging beat. This Judge (in her uncouth manner) said she didn't care about the art/the dance. She admitted that she couldn't take her eyes off of the high heels that a female dancer was wearing. Wow. A Judge cares more about a $200 pair of high heels than some beautifully refined artistic dance. Not a good impression to make on people you just met. So in fact, the pair of high heels was purchased in a super nice large Metro area and the Judge lives/lived in a rather barren land, literally. Umm, but still, no excuses.

Poor guy, this guy I mention, he helped pay her way through Law school just to be left alone. He went on to marry again. He seems to have recovered very well but he is Blue pilled to this day. He's not an alcoholic lawyer but definitely a clueless one.

John 3:16
 

Dilated

Woodpecker
28yo when things were officially ended. We met when I was 20yos.

No, it was just a one night stand with someone in university in a diff country.

No idea.

No, when I suggested she meet with me and a family councilor to try and mend things, she asked me what we needed to talk about? I responded: "uhhh, everything?" She said to me: "the only thing we need to talk about is division of assets." That was the last thing I remember hearing from her. Never spoke to her again.

8 years, my entire twenties really, gone like that.

I can sympathize. My ex-wife waited till my $40,000 bonus hit the joint account then disappeared the next day while I was at work. Half the stuff in the apartment gone. Only a note. Never heard from her again.

That was a ‘WTF just happened?’ moment that lasted several months.
 

Caractacus Potts

Woodpecker
Gold Member
@Dilated, @Zeknichov, @Caractacus Potts, @Czee - can you give insights into red-flags that you overlooked?

In hearing more about such situations it always seems that red -flags presented themselves from day one.



Red Flags:
  1. Family of Origin Issues
    1. Only child. My ex was an only child. Most only children are spoiled. They don't have to learn to get along with siblings and learn to share, take turns, etc. Both of her parents had good jobs and she lived in a low cost of living area. Furthermore, she was the grandchild closest geographically to both sets of grandparents. One grandfather had been an executive at Caterpillar, owned a good deal of farmland and had a lot of stock. My ex-wife wasn't a demanding brat like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but she didn't look at prices. She was used to getting what she wanted so she paid whatever something cost and didn't think about it.
    2. Lack of religion. I don't know what faith my former father in law was raised in. He goes to Mass with my former mother-in-law but my ex said he never went with her and her mother when she was growing up. Her mother church shopped until she found a pastor that she liked (Presbyterian). She did not go to the Presbyterian church near her when we were dating. She said it didn't feel like a welcoming and happy place. She rarely accompanied me and our daughters to Catholic Mass because she said it felt unwelcoming as well since she couldn't receive communion.
    3. Health Issues. My ex's mother died from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma when she was in her early fifties. My ex doesn't appear to have any symptoms but if you are going to marry someone you should make an informed decision if it is going to be likely that your marriage will have to endure "in sickness and in health" from the very beginning.
  2. Divorcee'
    1. My ex was married once prior. She said that she probably shouldn't have married husband #1 but that she did it because her mom (who was very ill at the time) was so looking forward to it. She said that she felt like her mom hung on just long enough to see her get married. Shortly after the marriage her mom took a turn for the worse. She would go home every weekend and stay at the hospital with her mother and father. During this time she stated that her ex-husband started having an affair with a coworker.
  3. Cheater
    1. I don't know how much credence I lend to this story anymore. When we first were dating she would exclaim how selfish a person is to cheat on their spouse while that spouse's mother is dying. What kind of an SOB would do something like that, etc. Yet she turned around and did the exact same thing to me while our oldest daughter lay dying in the hospital. When I confronted her about it and said she did the exact same thing to me that her ex did to her she said that maybe she was too harsh in condemning her first husband! She claimed that shitstain was there for her at a really hard time! Yeah, so I spent weeks sleeping in a chair in our daughters hospital room so she wouldn't be alone and she was having the baby sitter stay at our house so she could stay at a hotel with shitstain!
    2. She told me she was a cheater while we were dating and I ignored it because of how beautiful she was. She went to a well known basketball school and admitted to me that she slept with the married basketball coach. That he was on her "list."
    3. She slept with her ex-husband's pledge brother/son. Her ex graduated before she did. She would still go to parties at his old fraternity and ended up sleeping with the aforementioned brother.
  4. Work History
    1. My ex got a degree in advertising and marketing. Even though it is a BS degree I have to give credit where credit is due; my ex is not lazy. She was also a legit model for a period of time. She did print and catalog work. She had aged out of that but was still involved in fashion advertising when we were dating. I thought it was great at the time. She spent one week a month in New York and at least once a year in Miami. I would adjust my work schedule and fly out to New York. She had the hotel room paid for, catered photo shoots, a per diem for dinner, etc.
    2. Co-workers. My ex confided to me that many of the people that she worked with cheated on their spouses. Also, many of her co-workers and vendors in the fashion media were homosexuals. She didn't see anything wrong with it.
That is all I have for now. I have to get back to work but I will give this some more thought and try to give objective criteria rather than vomit forth my bile! lol
 

Caractacus Potts

Woodpecker
Gold Member
I can sympathize. My ex-wife waited till my $40,000 bonus hit the joint account then disappeared the next day while I was at work. Half the stuff in the apartment gone. Only a note. Never heard from her again.

That was a ‘WTF just happened?’ moment that lasted several months.
Not to be a jerk, but if your ex walked out with 40K and furniture you came out very clean. Consider yourself lucky. It still sucks and I imagine the no contact thing messed with your head for awhile. Did she file and leave the paperwork with the note or did you file? How long ago was this and how long did it take to get your mind right?
 

Dilated

Woodpecker
@Dilated, @Zeknichov, @Caractacus Potts, @Czee - can you give insights into red-flags that you overlooked?

In hearing more about such situations it always seems that red -flags presented themselves from day one.




Missed some obvious red flags:
-used SJW language- correcting me when I said stewardess for example
-inordinate amount of homosexual friends
-cavalier with money- tried showing her about investing but she refused
-pushed the wedding back (this should have been enough on its own)
-she took on lots of projects (marathons, fitness competitions, etc.) but then would discard them quickly. Seemed like she was always searching for an identity.
-never allowed moments of peace. There was always a (usually manufactured) conflict to work on.
-claimed to be a born again virgin

Good learning experience for me- I was very naive. The first few months were rough but I ended up better for it. I’m now location-independent with a great girl.
 

Dilated

Woodpecker
Not to be a jerk, but if your ex walked out with 40K and furniture you came out very clean. Consider yourself lucky. It still sucks and I imagine the no contact thing messed with your head for awhile. Did she file and leave the paperwork with the note or did you file? How long ago was this and how long did it take to get your mind right?

Yes it could have been worse. She fought the prenup but didn’t win. No alimony. No 401k. Didn’t have to touch my investments.

She beat me to it by filing the papers literally 45 minutes before I could.

Took about 6 months to fully reconcile what happen and be in a better place.
 

Caractacus Potts

Woodpecker
Gold Member
Difficult not to fall into the black pill mindset after reading a thread like this. @Caractacus Potts, how is your daughter doing? I pray all is well.
She passed away in 2010. She was six years old. I think about her every day. :sad: That reminds me of something else: my ex has not been to our daughter's grave site since the funeral. She told me that after her mom died she never went back to the cemetery. She said she doesn't remember where she is buried. Truly a caring individual. Did I pick well or what?
 

Gremlin

Robin
Let's say hypothetically that before they were married, she didn't present any red flags and she seemed like perfect wife material.

I guarantee that when they came to their agreement over college / work roles, that she proposed she go to college first while he works to pay for her law degree, and then switch roles.

That right there would have thrown me off and seemed fishy to me.

Since girls want men to be the primary bread winners, why would she put herself in that position, making him dependent on her. I don't think she ever respected him and planned this out long in advance, which only worked because she got her degree before him.
 

Dr Mantis Toboggan

Kingfisher
Gold Member
She passed away in 2010. She was six years old. I think about her every day. :sad: That reminds me of something else: my ex has not been to our daughter's grave site since the funeral. She told me that after her mom died she never went back to the cemetery. She said she doesn't remember where she is buried. Truly a caring individual. Did I pick well or what?

Sorry for your loss, I have a girl of my own and can't imagine what that's like.
 

Zagor

Woodpecker
Red Flags:
  1. Family of Origin Issues
    1. Only child. My ex was an only child. Most only children are spoiled. They don't have to learn to get along with siblings and learn to share, take turns, etc. Both of her parents had good jobs and she lived in a low cost of living area. Furthermore, she was the grandchild closest geographically to both sets of grandparents. One grandfather had been an executive at Caterpillar, owned a good deal of farmland and had a lot of stock. My ex-wife wasn't a demanding brat like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but she didn't look at prices. She was used to getting what she wanted so she paid whatever something cost and didn't think about it.
To expand on this, any girl coming from a wealthy background. It's a generalisation and sure there could be a girl or two out there who are based despite having rich parents, but all the girls I've met that came from wealthy family were stuck up, snobish and overall not someone you'd expect to stay with you trough thick and thin.
 
And the tie-in to this nightmare story is the painfully common occurrence of a woman who divorces her husband as soon as her college loans are paid off by him! I've read that you can time a divorce request like clockwork based on when the final payment is made...
 
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