Woman in her 30's comes to a harsh realization that it may be too late for love

I tend to agree with this and knowing what I know. I have always been fit and athletic though, so testosterone hasn't gone away and likely won't for a while. I hope to be a bit of a realist, enlightener or encourager for some of the younger guys on here, being that I'm in my 5th decade of life (yes that means 40+). The sex thing is a struggle because it is very much an abused thing, and a source of life, very much restricted by religions appropriately --- but what happens when there is no outlet in your generation for the testosterone? Everyone becomes a monk? It makes me chuckle a bit, I'm not making excuses, thought, trust me.



One of the problems that arises is that, especially in this day and age (understanding what we do about the generation and no end in sight), you second guess decisions about anyone you did date that could have been a solid partner. And there are often many reasons why it may have been hard to pull the trigger. The problem with so many of the questions (desire, provisions, ease, difficulty) about God and what we do is that we can so easily backfit all the things we did or didn't do. Sometimes it makes me think that with many things in life we really have no idea how they happen, or not - or the real reason why.
Yes, there is only so much we can understand completely. As a Christian, the longer I live the more I can see how God was working but at the time, no way, there were too many unfinished things. I mean, I can honestly look back well over 30 years and remember how dark things were but many, many years later, I can see (as far as I know) how God fit the pieces of the puzzle together. It became clear decades later. You wish you hadn't worried so much back then, when you see much later how God was working it out.

All I know is God's command (yes, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband is as forceful as a command) must be taken seriously. It is not good for man to be alone, needs to be taken seriously. It took me until 53 to find a wife. How many times I swore myself to sleep and that was during prayer! God understood. He wasn't going to open that door for a long time but I had to persist in praying, watching for an opportunity, then seizing it! Too many people go MGTOW these days. I can understand someone who has suffered through multiple divorces but not young men. They can still make something of themselves.
 

LeoniusD

Kingfisher
It would not be too late in terms of fertility or ability to attract a good in man in theory.

However based on her video I agree with the commenter, that the biggest hurdle is her faulty perception of herself and her deluded expectations. She is not as attractive as she thinks - there are much more attractive older women than her. All her instagram likes and lustful leers mean nothing in reality. She would have to lower her expectations and work on herself, not view herself as a 9 that she perceives herself to be, but become awaree that she is more a 6+7, so her selection of choice for the tall, good-looking, charismatic, high-earner.

And correct - the guys between 34-37 who fit her expectations date a woman who is younger and more sane than her.

Thus her assessment is correct that the situation is bleak.

Still - she could in theory turn things around by becoming more humble, looking for a good man who may not meet all the criteria and she will only shoot herself in the foot.
 
The sex thing is a struggle because it is very much an abused thing, and a source of life, very much restricted by religions appropriately --- but what happens when there is no outlet in your generation for the testosterone? Everyone becomes a monk? It makes me chuckle a bit, I'm not making excuses, thought, trust me.
This is one of the things I have wondered about as well. What solutions do we have to offer men who pursue sexual purity, yet struggle to find a wife? It's a tough sell to ask young men to abstain from casual sex, abstain from pornography, abstain from masturbation even... while also having slim odds of finding a worthwhile wife any time soon. It would be helpful to have something to offer men as an alternative to handle that energy.
 
This is one of the things I have wondered about as well. What solutions do we have to offer men who pursue sexual purity, yet struggle to find a wife? It's a tough sell to ask young men to abstain from casual sex, abstain from pornography, abstain from masturbation even... while also having slim odds of finding a worthwhile wife any time soon. It would be helpful to have something to offer men as an alternative to handle that energy.
Overseas is an option. I had to go four flights away in 2015 but I got married. Treat her right and you can pick your age. How wise that is, is a question for another day. We are 27 years apart.
 

Waverer

Robin
This is one of the things I have wondered about as well. What solutions do we have to offer men who pursue sexual purity, yet struggle to find a wife? It's a tough sell to ask young men to abstain from casual sex, abstain from pornography, abstain from masturbation even... while also having slim odds of finding a worthwhile wife any time soon. It would be helpful to have something to offer men as an alternative to handle that energy.
Great question. How many men genuinely do abstain from masturbation, sleeping around or prostitutes? In particular, I bet the ones who really do abstain from pre-marital sex are often masturbating like crazy.
 

DanielH

Woodpecker
Great question. How many men genuinely do abstain from masturbation, sleeping around or prostitutes? In particular, I bet the ones who really do abstain from pre-marital sex are often masturbating like crazy.
I abstain the best I can. I'm engaged right now, getting married in less than 50 days. We haven't had sex and I also go months between masturbating. It's required a lot of prayer and I still trip up, but right now the biggest triggers for me are drinking and pride. If I avoid those two things I'm good. I really disagree with you on the notion that those abstaining from sex would be masturbating and it's kinda slanderous towards those of us not having premarital sex.
 

Waverer

Robin
It's a "how many?" rather than a "zero!". Personally I can no fap just fine if I am having sex but as PM says, what about those who aren't?
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
"Woman in her 30's comes to a harsh realization that it may be too late for love"
Somethint has always felt off to me about someone who thinks and obsesses about "love" (i.e. romance) when they have not yet found who they will love.

It's similar to women who obsess about a big wedding when they are not even engaged yet.

The "who" part is by far the most important aspect.

You can legitimately want and yearn for a family and children while being single. But OP said the woman wants "love," which is different.

How can you claim to want "love" but not know who you want it from?

It feels like when some people say they want "love," they just mean they want attention, admiration, to feel "wanted," etc.
 

estraudi

Kingfisher
Gold Member
"Woman in her 30's comes to a harsh realization that it may be too late for love"

Somethint has always felt off to me about someone who thinks and obsesses about "love" (i.e. romance) when they have not yet found who they will love.

It's similar to women who obsess about a big wedding when they are not even engaged yet.

The "who" part is by far the most important aspect.

You can legitimately want and yearn for a family and children while being single. But OP said the woman wants "love," which is different.

How can you claim to want "love" but not know who you want it from?

It feels like when some people say they want "love," they just mean they want attention, admiration, to feel "wanted," etc.
She's a woman. They expect that "it" will just happen.
 
"Woman in her 30's comes to a harsh realization that it may be too late for love"

Somethint has always felt off to me about someone who thinks and obsesses about "love" (i.e. romance) when they have not yet found who they will love.

It's similar to women who obsess about a big wedding when they are not even engaged yet.

The "who" part is by far the most important aspect.

You can legitimately want and yearn for a family and children while being single. But OP said the woman wants "love," which is different.

How can you claim to want "love" but not know who you want it from?

It feels like when some people say they want "love," they just mean they want attention, admiration, to feel "wanted," etc.
Good points! Give and you shall receive...applies to real love in my opinion. I took the initiative with my wife to love her. We committed to marry before we had even met in person and have been married over five years. Some think I go a little overboard with her but I am just proving to her that her needs matter to me as much or more than my own do. She has recipricated in kind.

So while I can say that I found love, I have to give it too.
 
This is one of the things I have wondered about as well. What solutions do we have to offer men who pursue sexual purity, yet struggle to find a wife? It's a tough sell to ask young men to abstain from casual sex, abstain from pornography, abstain from masturbation even... while also having slim odds of finding a worthwhile wife any time soon. It would be helpful to have something to offer men as an alternative to handle that energy.
This really is a tough thing. Many will say to hit the weights, and you can do that hard but all that will do is tire you out and build some muscle. If you still have no sexual outlet then no amount of working out is going to do the job. There may also be very pretty girls there working out which is the last thing you need.

Others suggest service, ministry. That can be helpful but you might end up serving with married couples which doesn't get your singleness off of your mind. You can work six days a week but that won't help you feel better about struggling sexually.

I will offer what I did. I kept my focus on finding a wife somewhere, anywhere. I memorized bible verses that I could use in prayer that expressed my need for a wife (Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 7, Proverbs 5...) and kept pleading with God for a wife. I know some people will say to just stop looking and THEN you will find someone but that never worked for me. I had to believe I was being proactive. My pastor kept encouraging me to look and not give up. He was the one who suggested another country and I found a wife in the Philippines, at the age of 53. Looking back it felt like 103.

Going to church can be really tough too, especially if it is a very large church with very many attractive women that you can't have.
 

monsquid

Kingfisher
This really is a tough thing. Many will say to hit the weights, and you can do that hard but all that will do is tire you out and build some muscle. If you still have no sexual outlet then no amount of working out is going to do the job. There may also be very pretty girls there working out which is the last thing you need.

Others suggest service, ministry. That can be helpful but you might end up serving with married couples which doesn't get your singleness off of your mind. You can work six days a week but that won't help you feel better about struggling sexually.

I will offer what I did. I kept my focus on finding a wife somewhere, anywhere. I memorized bible verses that I could use in prayer that expressed my need for a wife (Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 7, Proverbs 5...) and kept pleading with God for a wife. I know some people will say to just stop looking and THEN you will find someone but that never worked for me. I had to believe I was being proactive. My pastor kept encouraging me to look and not give up. He was the one who suggested another country and I found a wife in the Philippines, at the age of 53. Looking back it felt like 103.

Going to church can be really tough too, especially if it is a very large church with very many attractive women that you can't have.
Thanks for sharing your story. Gives me real hope.
 

CynicalContrarian

Owl
Gold Member
"Woman in her 30's comes to a harsh realization that it may be too late for love"

Somethint has always felt off to me about someone who thinks and obsesses about "love" (i.e. romance) when they have not yet found who they will love.

It's similar to women who obsess about a big wedding when they are not even engaged yet.

The "who" part is by far the most important aspect.

You can legitimately want and yearn for a family and children while being single. But OP said the woman wants "love," which is different.

How can you claim to want "love" but not know who you want it from?

It feels like when some people say they want "love," they just mean they want attention, admiration, to feel "wanted," etc.

One potential silver lining to all this 'gender neutrality' nonsense & the 'woke' desire to raise kids without gender norms.
As per a recent subversive Slate piece.

If all things 'woke' have an unintended consequence of diluting the juvenile Disney princess fantasy among the oncoming generation of girls.
Cause you know... white princesses in pink dresses is - raciss!

Perhaps in time, young women won't have these delusional ideas of being a proverbial princess & thinking they are entitled to it all?

Tell your sons to be the proverbial captain of their own ship.
 
I wish you were right...but the reality is , in most of the world, and -perhaps surpsiringly- including the major cities of the US have more man than women in the age group of 18 to 40. (that's a real demographic crisis, no matter what others say)
In the other words, most women in their 30s may still feel they have plenty of men to choose from - which , of course, that both parties would be happy in those relationship but I guess that's a subject to a different thread.
 

CynicalContrarian

Owl
Gold Member
My favourite tragic tart is back for another expose of herself, no one really asked for... :sneaky:


Five reasons why you should never date a footy player

Growing up in a sporty family, I was driven mad on weekends being carted off to watch brothers run up and down a field...
Then one day it all changed. I started looking at my brothers’ teammates in a different light. It was around the age where boys voices go funny. Deeper. Where did those muscles come from? Why is everyone treating the captain like a god? Why am I feeling all tingly inside?

Sigh. How cliche. Yep puberty turned me shallow.
Shallow.
A trait you've retained ever since...


As I grew older, and began a career in media, I found I was coming in contact with current and former professional athletes on a fairly regular basis.
They would grunt, I would giggle, and before you knew it, we would end up on a date.
...
As I grew older, and began a career in media, I found I was coming in contact with current and former professional athletes on a fairly regular basis.
They would grunt, I would giggle, and before you knew it, we would end up on a date.
...
...footballers are the source of much gossip...
In fact, I’d go as far as to say they are targeted. The not very fun part as their partner is not knowing who, or what, to believe.
Here’s five reasons why I’ll never date a football player again.

I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE ATTRACTED TO THE MAN I’M DATING

Nope, with a professional athlete comes a bevy of women vying for their attention and spitting in the face of sisterhood. These women are ruthless. In fact, I’m almost in awe of their aggressive bravado.
They will slide into his DMs, stalk him around a dance floor, and even butt in mid-sentence to ask for a selfie. Oh, to have their confidence.
Guessing they were generally younger, hotter & more alluring...

YOU WILL BE EXPECTED TO ATTEND THEIR GAMES

Which is fine if you like sports, but me? Not so much. And when you’re not at their games, you’ll be attending friends birthdays or weddings solo, because they travel, a lot.
"Why can't it all be about meeeeeeee!"

YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON THEY WILL DATE
Oddly; proceeds to detail a situation of an American baseball player she never knew...

OTHER GIRLS WILL SLIDE INTO YOUR DMs

Years ago, I had been seeing a rugby league player who, it turns out, was quite a ladies man. He was in Canberra one weekend for a game and a girl sent me a Facebook message to say she had hooked up with him during that weekend. Cue the tears, texts and tantrums.
Ultimately, your self-esteem will take a hit
There will always be a girl shaking her cute, tiny butt in front of your man who is hotter than you. You will constantly be wary of them cheating, especially when they’re away on team trips, and sport will ALWAYS come first.
In saying all this, it’s not all bad. I’m focusing on the worst of it. And, I know some perfectly lovely professional athletes who worship the ground their partners walk on, as much as the hallowed turf they play on. That’s right. #NotAllSportsmen.
I raise my cap to the fierce and fabulous WAGS of this world. Your confidence, commitment and sports knowledge really is aspirational. But I could never be one of you.
Oh she said it - 'cute, tiny butt'.
Wants the hot guy & the hot guy only, yet doesn't have what it takes to reciprocate.

Also, I would not be surprised if the 'stable' athlete relationships are with chicks they knew for a long time.
As opposed to some random club / media event hook-up.

 

robinman

Pigeon
What's crazy is, that it took her this long.

My mother was 21 and married my 25 year old father. this was the norm for boomers, early 20's (my dad was mid 20's but obviously the man is older than the woman) marriage.

My grandmom was 19 when she had her first kid. She is married to my grandfather who is only a few years older than her , and they've been married for over 50 years.

The truth is women should be married young, as in late teens, early 20's AT LATEST, to have kids, but instead women who marry early 20's are considered "marrying too early". then you have women scrambling to get married late 20's and early 30's, after a decade of being spoiled in attention, and struggling to get a good betabuxx. They either get one and then divorce rape him becase he doesn't look like brad pitt, or they whine "where did all the good men go" and become old cat ladies.
 
Top