Woman in her 30's comes to a harsh realization that it may be too late for love

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
I wish you were right...but the reality is , in most of the world, and -perhaps surpsiringly- including the major cities of the US have more man than women in the age group of 18 to 40. (that's a real demographic crisis, no matter what others say)
In the other words, most women in their 30s may still feel they have plenty of men to choose from - which , of course, that both parties would be happy in those relationship but I guess that's a subject to a different thread.

Yes, I've written ad nauseum about this, and I've also looked at recent maps of singles, singles ages 18-24, 25-36, etc. Then I selected for non-obese and you will laugh hysterically about the situation, at least in the USA. There's only like 5 cities in the entire USA that have more single women than men, forget body habitus for a second. It's like a random city or two in South Carolina, one in Alabama, one in Louisiana, and perhaps one in Tennessee.

There's always a plethora of reasons, but you do mention a good one that is a nuance of the point I constantly hammer: selection pressure on women. The modern world has lost it almost entirely. Yes, with a lot of men, they can "wait." With jobs and a "career" they believe they can wait. With government aiding them, they think they can afford to wait. But they forgot about biology and what men desire, or don't want to admit it, since they are too busy eating and drinking too much. Fix the sex ratio and almost all the rest falls in line. Sadly, that mostly comes in periods of war/economic damage. Notice that affluence leads to all of the other problems, which only happen in careless, unbelieving societies.
 
What's crazy is, that it took her this long.

My mother was 21 and married my 25 year old father. this was the norm for boomers, early 20's (my dad was mid 20's but obviously the man is older than the woman) marriage.

My grandmom was 19 when she had her first kid. She is married to my grandfather who is only a few years older than her , and they've been married for over 50 years.

The truth is women should be married young, as in late teens, early 20's AT LATEST, to have kids, but instead women who marry early 20's are considered "marrying too early". then you have women scrambling to get married late 20's and early 30's, after a decade of being spoiled in attention, and struggling to get a good betabuxx. They either get one and then divorce rape him becase he doesn't look like brad pitt, or they whine "where did all the good men go" and become old cat ladies.

Many of them will suffer from alpha widow syndrome, when they marry so belatedly...
 

japtats

Newbie
I am 29, it is a shock when women at my age realise i don't buy into their shit, they were conditioned from 18 years old, but at 30 lose everything, 25 after is a downhill physically for them. I stick to 18-25 , an 8 or a 9 at that age is good, a solid 9.5 when they reach 30 becomes a 6, but with 9.5 standards to impress her. It is a losing battle trust me.
 

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
I was perusing a few interesting sites, one of course was funny because it's so stupid - yes forgive me for posting something at all from this site, but it was amusing, I'll quote it here (from "Why do average looking men think they have a chance with me?":

I’m an attractive and intelligent woman in my mid-30s. To a certain extent, I know these things to be true. I’ve worked for 15 years as a successful commercial model, and I have a master’s degree and an above-average IQ. I’m in incredible shape. Also important to add: I definitely don’t come across as modest or sexually conservative. I post lingerie and bikini selfies.

I get a lot of emotional and intellectual fulfillment from my relationships with friends and family. When I date, my primary interest is finding partners who excite me physically and fulfill me sexually. For reasons I don’t understand, I rarely attract these men anymore. The men who flock to me, asking me out to the tune of several times a week (!), are average- or below-average-looking smart guys. These men have everything I’m looking for in a friend, but they aren’t what I want in a dating partner. My take is that they think my academic interests and penchant for elevated conversation will make me fall for them despite an obvious attractiveness gap. If I was looking for a marriage partner or someone to start a family with, that might be true. But I’m not! I want hot sex with semi-committed medium-term partners.

It sounds odd, but recently this non-stop attention from average-looking guys has started to eat away at my self-esteem. Instead of feeling flattered that they connect with me intellectually, I question whether interest from only this type of man means I’m not actually attractive. Again, they are great people! I just don’t want to have sex with them.

What can I do to attract the type of man I actually want to date? And how can I stop myself from feeling so insecure about the type of attention I’m getting in the meantime?

—Too Sexy

I guess this is mailbag blog on this stupid site with apparently a gay dude and this woman I had never heard of who apparently is, or was, a porn star. (They don't have a real man as an adviser, notice, of course). In one of the responses, she says,

Stoya: A long time ago, I went to Serbia and posted a picture of snow. (I swear I’m going somewhere with this.)

Rich: lol

Stoya: The Belgrade Programmers Club saw the photo and reached out to invite me to visit because at least one of the members was a fan. When I showed up at the club they were like “Whaaaaat?” And then the fan, a couple of hours later, goes “I think I get it. Nobody asks pretty girls to do things.” Which is almost true.

Rich: There’s the assumption that if you’re hot, you’re busy/spoken for/otherwise unapproachable.

Stoya: Yes. Simultaneously, though, there’s all this noise. “Hey, do you want to go to Hawaii?” “Hey, can I feed you oysters?” This is where it really gets into a syndrome. We get overwhelmed by requests that we don’t want and develop this kind of learned helplessness with going after what we do want because we’re so busy saying no to activities and people we don’t want. So you end up with this “Why doesn’t anyone ask me to do the things I want to do?” moment.

So she went to some nerd conference and blah blah blah blah. It's not like she's lying, I have no idea how low on the totem pole those nerds were. But I looked at a pic of her and she is above average of course, but nothing special. She'd be someone you would notice, but then not have a problem deciding that you didn't want to deal with. She acted like she was some sort of beauty that she when people try to talk to her, they stumble and fumble around, etc. She's a 7 at best. It's weird when people put on shows like this.

I think hot girls do get overwhelmed by having to say no to a lot of people, but mostly it's wading through scumbags, not fending off dorks. How many truly hot women are Heisman-ing guys daily? Some portion, but maybe 3-5% of all women, and certainly these must be in their 20s.

Back to the "hot girl" writing in .. notice how she leads with her achievements, then talks about how she was a model, and finally she actually realizes that it's possible that she (credit to her) might actually not be attractive, at least in the way that she thinks she is/deserves a "hot man." So many of these aged spinsters, who probably do still look good, don't have any clue of what biological cues men look for or want. It's also funny how they think that something that is mutually beneficial (sex) is something they still bring to the table.

Anyway, it was quite telling that they didn't even remotely answer the most important questions of hers, the ideas she is actually understanding but doesn't want to believe the reality of, in the last two paragraphs. Ok, I hope that was at least entertaining to get into the mind of aging morons and the enablers they ask for advice.
 

Stadtaffe

Sparrow
Gold Member
Is an interesting thread, have been reading, a few responses.
She won't want men younger than her (and they generally won't want her for more than a fling). Men older than her will either already be married, have checked out of dating, not be up to her quality standards or will be seeking women in their 20s, who in addition to being more attractive, also have many more years left for having children. They get slapped in the face by this reality on a daily basis and yet they can't learn the lesson. At 39-40 they are still thinking a husband and kids is an option. Delusional.

Is a sad thought that "older men" might check out of dating

Fix the sex ratio and almost all the rest falls in line. Sadly, that mostly comes in periods of war/economic damage. Notice that affluence leads to all of the other problems, which only happen in careless, unbelieving societies.

I also wondered about this the other day and had a look at this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio

The thing is, for under the age of 15, there are in most countries more males, whereas for over 65, more females. None of us want to hook up with such old wrinklies.. For the age bracket 25-54, most of the developed world has a number greater than 1, more males. Not Italy, Greece or Portugal though for example.
 

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
If a society is really serious, they will emphasize marriage and the value that women have from ages 16-30, noting that 16-24 is the biological bracket in line with male evolution and thus, commitment of males to make it worthwhile. If you go and live in normal places you'll see women encouraging other women to be honest about this, rather than lie about the decline after age 26 for the average woman, which is substantial. Women can't be reasoned with in this discussion primarily because they do not know or understand biology or testosterone, or what it means to be a man. As I've always said, it's the opposite sex that determines sex appeal. Lies deviate from this reality.
 
If a society is really serious, they will emphasize marriage and the value that women have from ages 16-30, noting that 16-24 is the biological bracket in line with male evolution and thus, commitment of males to make it worthwhile. If you go and live in normal places you'll see women encouraging other women to be honest about this, rather than lie about the decline after age 26 for the average woman, which is substantial. Women can't be reasoned with in this discussion primarily because they do not know or understand biology or testosterone, or what it means to be a man. As I've always said, it's the opposite sex that determines sex appeal. Lies deviate from this reality.

Well, I dated a woman with a bachelor's degree in biology, and she was headed to a program to get a masters in the subject. But despite this knowledge, she still put off having children, despite the times she talked about her burning desire to have some. This gal worshipped her "sexitime" and we broke up in large part because she wanted a polyamorous relationship. She definitely prioritized pleasure over family/children. And not just sexual pleasure, but reading novels, videogames, surfing the net, playing boardgames, etc.,.. I met her at a sf con, and she was mildly on the autism spectrum, with an intellect that made me think of a mentat from Dune. She had a killer figure, with a big shapely butt most women would kill to have, but her autism made normally sexually assertive guys standoffish. I took the time to get to know her, so she could relax around me. Despite her brains, she was terrible at job interviews due to the autism, and never realized her professional potential. I find it sad that she never did marry and have kids. But she could have, if she had made it a priority over having fun and games.
 

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
It's just like in the spiritual world, and for some of us here who have "knowledge" of it, it can also be a trap: you need some baseline of knowledge but it means nothing when your emotions or impulses drown out "what you know". That was my point and what you are describing here. That's why true knowledge is application and experience. For example, a truly knowledgeable woman will know what her husband desires, how he acts, and both his good/bad attributes. Her ability to answer a question on a test that talks about the HPG axis and feedback loops of testosterone, which induces certain behaviors in men, means nothing if she doesn't admit and react to the fact that men prize youth, beauty, fertility, etc.
 
Top