Woman You Enjoy Spending Time With vs. Marriage Material?

[JiggyLordJr]

Haven't posted anything relationship-related since the new rules went into effect. Figured now's a good time to do so.

How does one distinguish between a woman they like spending time with vs. a woman who's marriage material? If you looked at it as a venn diagram, I'm sure there'd be a lot of overlap between the two, but it's likely not 1:1. If a woman is good company (no attitude, friendly demeanor, can joke with, etc.) is she likely good marriage material? The Happy Gene comes to mind when describing this archetype. Thing is, I wouldn't want to be blindsided by a crazy chick who is deceptively pleasant. At the same time, I might be overthinking a simple green flag that could be grounds for family creation. You see my dilemma now.

Spending time with women who range from neutral (at-best) to unpleasant (at-worst) is... unpleasant. And a lot of them are hot, which kinda sucks. My experience with these type of women (and they're usually Western) is that 30 minutes into a meet I either want to blow my brains out or am busy thinking how to avoid future plans outside the bedroom.

On the flip side of this, some of the most fulfilling and wholesome relationships I've had were with girls I genuinely enjoyed spending time around. Is there a connection between the two?

Basically wondering if a nicer personality in women correlates to better potential marriage quality. What do you guys think?

 

[Cortés]

I don't think it has to be an either or.

Marriage material depends on her morality. Where does she get it from? Instagram and Hollywood movies? Or from God and her parents?

A woman who sees life through a worldly lense will get her idea of right and wrong from modern culture. Family values, long term relationships, and loyalty probably won't be had.

A woman who learned from her parents and the Bible on how to live life would want to build healthy relationships and have a family of her own.

Obviously finding someone who you enjoy your time with depends alot more on the individual. Your hobbies, sense of humor, and some behaviors that really can't even be put into words.

Personally, Ive found that for me I can't stand women who are endlessly on social media and paying more attention to the lives of celebrities than to those around her. Even before I came to God, women like this felt like a drain on me, no matter how much of the happy Gene she had, nor comparability with me. Even if you find a woman like this in the church, it calls into question whether she values pointless gossip and the material more than God.

Also I feel that the woman's enthusiasm for the relationship and effort goes a long way into my satisfaction being with her. If she makes an effort to have good conversations and to make me happy, it shows that she isn't just thinking in terms of me me me.


I think with this perspective it's becomes easier to find a woman who hits both check marks. There are great women with religious values out there, and once you get to know a few of them over time, there's bound to be one who you want to be around

Like I said though, depends on the individual. A woman who is good marriage material is more likely to be more enjoyable to be around just because a woman worth marrying puts effort into the relationship and has a positive attitude

 

[Athanasius]

If a woman is good company (no attitude, friendly demeanor, can joke with, etc.) is she likely good marriage material?

It's not an indicator one way or another. Some good women are fun to be around and some aren't. Some bad women are, some aren't. You do need some level of attraction but you definitely want someone you can relate to and just enjoy being around. I've been married for over 20 years and I can't imagine being married to a dull or silly woman for that long, no matter how pretty she is.

Marriage is a tradeoff. The romantic thrill is never what it was at the beginning, but if you and her do the right things year in and year out, the relationship deepens and there's a tenderness and a closeness that is far better than alleycatting and navigating that sea alone. And then there are the blessings of children as well. It's really is "the way of life." I see it more clearly now that I'm older.

If you're a Christian, only marry a Christian. I've seen way too many shipwrecks when this wasn't followed. Similarly, think about whether you really want to marry someone of another ethnicity. It's not sinful and it can work, but it can also create frictions of various kinds that aren't there when you come from a similar cultural background. It can make things hard on the kids, too.

A stable family is a good indicator, as is a clean house, levelheadedness, resourcefulness, a submissive attitude, and an ability to cook.

 

[kazimierzdabrowski]

Thing is, I wouldn't want to be blindsided by a crazy chick who is deceptively pleasant.

This has happened to me. You get hit with the honeymoon phase quick and hard because if you don't know how fucked they are, they can pretend to forget it too. Until you step on a trigger and suddenly it's like talking to a cat who hears vacuum cleaners around every corner.

Not really the place to expand on that point but it's definitely a valid concern I have when meeting someone new. I've definitely gotten better at screening and the content at reignitethefire helps too. Not letting the honeymoon phase blow up like a balloon, focusing on compatibility and boundaries over tingles and feelings, etc

 

[questor70]

I think even when you're in the puppy love stage that you'll pick up red flags. You just brush them under the rug under the assumption that love conquers all. You have to learn to really listen to those warning signs because they will eventually blow up on you like a landmine.

Also, one thing that's really key for me is I have to respect my partner. Attraction and respect are two different things. Everyone has their own criteria as to what is worthy of respect. Things that have been a problem for me are women who have had addiction problems, lacked drive/ambition, chronic insecurity/neediness, axes to grind with men, and had what I considered to be misplaced priorities in what they focus on.

I am far more in-tune with those red flags now that I'm red-pill aware and more tuned into the cancer of nth wave feminism. But really there are women who are a ticking time-bomb who can lull you into a false sense of security. For instance, one of my past girlfriends turned out to be (among other things) a raging SJW. But this was before the term was even coined. But now she even self-identifies as an SJW and I think to myself, boy did I dodge a bullet!

 

[AntoniusofEfa]

There is a car that I would love to lease and have great fun with, and then there is the car that I would actually want to buy and hold long term.

I would lease an Alfa Giulia Quadrifoglio, but I would never but one. A friend of mine who owned Alfas went almost bankrupt due to the after warranty repair bills.

 

[redbeard]

Basically wondering if a nicer personality in women correlates to better potential marriage quality. What do you guys think?

100% yes - if you don't get along with her, how are you going to spend the rest of your life with her? Many underestimate how much time you're going to spend with your wife. That's a lot of time, and will become painful if you don't truly enjoy her presence.

My experience with these type of women (and they're usually Western) is that 30 minutes into a meet I either want to blow my brains out or am busy thinking how to avoid future plans outside the bedroom.

I would implore you to stop looking for easy hookups and instead find a woman you genuinely like spending time with.

When you stop having sex, you're forced to spend more time with her outside the bedroom. On top of that, you're not getting all the feel-good hormones from having sex. This makes it so that you only date women that you're truly compatible with.

I know that in my past I stayed with sub-optimal women because I was getting fun, easy sex. The sex masked my true feelings about her. Even if I couldn't stand her personality, I'd stay with her because I liked the sex.

Also, women who are spreading their legs frequently are generally not the type of women you want to be settling down with. These damaged women have something going on that leads them to the promiscuous life. Correlation is real.