Women with insane dating standards

[Jaszczurka]

I have had various women call me out on my online dating profile for having standards that are too strict. This is basically what I wrote on an online dating profile:
"As for who I'm looking for, I would like to find a woman who does not have tattoos. I would like to find a woman who has not had a child out of wedlock. The only body piercings that I like are earrings (preferably only one earring at the bottom of each ear). I absolutely love long hair! It looks so pretty when it is long! I prefer that hair length be shoulder-length or longer. Also, I like dresses. Whatever you do, please do not wear a pants business suit!"

You would not BELIEVE the responses I have received over that. There was one girl who labelled herself as "conservative" and "Christian" say that although she met all of my criteria, my remarks were offensive and that what I've written was superficial and it doesn't tell you anything about a woman's character. She said, "I'm not interested in any further communication." At least one woman has asked me if I was joking when I wrote this. Another woman said my remarks come off as controlling, or something like that, and I will likely end up with no wife at all if I don't get my act together. I had another woman, who messaged me first, say that she looks sexy in a pants suit and that she had a baby out of wedlock, and she is currently good friends with the baby's father and the baby's father's new woman. I remember a woman that thought I was being too picky talking about hair length, and then I pointed out she had mentioned hair length in her own profile as well, saying that she wanted a man who was "clean cut". Women talk about their requirements for age, height, job status, income, etc... Women are free to have all sorts of standards for a man, but apparently men aren't allowed to have standards for a woman.

I don't know if you realized this, but your profile sounds like a perfect example of trolling and "negging" women into a response. Not sufficiently obnoxious enough for them to swipe you off, but sufficiently intriguing and reasonable while being challenging for them to engage in a conversation with you.

The initial conversation, as everyone knows, is the most difficult hurdle in online dating. It's like trying to get someone to click on a facebook ad. The first "line" is the most difficult in a day approach.

If there's multiple lessons in game, one is that women claim to not be attracted to arrogance and demands from men, but simultaneously treat beta male supplicants poorly. So by acting alpha, in a reasonable way by stating your preferences as "would like", TRUE GENIUS! Married 16 years but if I could go back in time 30 years, I'd steal it!

The way to make this approach work, I'm guessing, would be to say "You have a point but..." and then engage in elderly chat.

 

[Waverer]

Jaszczurka is right. Beta chumps just get swiped left. They're giving you an opening because you're coming across positively.

 

[Jaszczurka]

Jaszczurka is right. Beta chumps just get swiped left. They're giving you an opening because you're coming across positively.

About 25 years ago, positively stone age by today's standards, I did something brilliant by accident: My profile wasn't getting any hits so I just set my height to the absolute highest: 8'7".

I got a bite.

A woman in a perplexed tone (from message, at least) expressed annoyance I put down a ridiculous height. I didn't reply. Looking back, I could have had a LOT of fun. I could have asked her if she's ok with men having standards. Once she bit the hook, I had leverage. If I sensed that I didn't have a chance (she was NOT going to date a guy less than 6'2"), I could have found a way to neg her (as my father said when fishing, throwing one back into the water). Ask her something she's not the best at (her weight, figure, etc.) and then say "I don't think things will work out, sorry."

 

[animum-rege]

I'm at the point where I might just start asking the women I date what else they possibly could want in a man.

I've spent so much time and energy building myself into the kind of man who could create a loving home with a woman, and raise beautiful kids. I set myself to philosophical and spiritual development, I slave away at my business and save money, I take care of my body and grooming, and I devote myself to a range of passions, art and hobbies. I love almost everything about my life.

Yet women seem to be utterly uninterested. Some are even repelled by my self-discipline, financial resources, etc. And these are girls in their late 20's/early 30's who want kids and are looking for a "great guy." Well, here I am!

I do think a lot of what's happening here is what Roosh and others have written about for years: careers, unending social media validation, and the illusion of infinite time/optionality, colluding to remove incentives women have to settle down and have kids (and the beyond-perverse perception that women are somehow "oppressed" if they do this).

Of course, maybe I just have a boring personality, or horrific breath, or a facial deformity I'm unaware of, and that's my problem...

 

[TheFinalEpic]

It's pretty easy to live life with this heuristic: "You attract what you are".

If a woman feels she deserves a man that is a pilot surgeon billionaire, she should also be one.

The meme of "I'm a catch" is nearly universal these days, but then you realize the woman cannot cook, doesn't like children, and the deepest of conversation that can ever come with her would be "what happened last week on <insert reality television show here>".

I also cannot let men get away here. Every single man who settles with a woman that is less than himself is perpetuating this behavior. "Sally is married to a guy that is objectively way too good for her, so I can be too." This helps nobody in the long run. People need to hold themselves to a higher standard, both men and women.

 

[MajorStyles]

It's pretty easy to live life with this heuristic: "You attract what you are".

If a woman feels she deserves a man that is a pilot surgeon billionaire, she should also be one.

The meme of "I'm a catch" is nearly universal these days, but then you realize the woman cannot cook, doesn't like children, and the deepest of conversation that can ever come with her would be "what happened last week on <insert reality television show here>".

I also cannot let men get away here. Every single man who settles with a woman that is less than himself is perpetuating this behavior. "Sally is married to a guy that is objectively way too good for her, so I can be too." This helps nobody in the long run. People need to hold themselves to a higher standard, both men and women.

Spot on. I think that's why a lot of women, expecially those in their thirties, will suddenly plaster Facebook with philosophical quotes from Buddha, Marilyn Monroe, etc. They subconsciously realize that they have little or nothing to offer. So they try to offset this deficit with the veneer of intellectual depth. But it's ultimately equivalent to another type of clothing: i.e. something they merely wear for the moment to attract a potential suitor.

 

[Gimlet]

It's pretty easy to live life with this heuristic: "You attract what you are".

If a woman feels she deserves a man that is a pilot surgeon billionaire, she should also be one.

The meme of "I'm a catch" is nearly universal these days, but then you realize the woman cannot cook, doesn't like children, and the deepest of conversation that can ever come with her would be "what happened last week on <insert reality television show here>".

I also cannot let men get away here. Every single man who settles with a woman that is less than himself is perpetuating this behavior. "Sally is married to a guy that is objectively way too good for her, so I can be too." This helps nobody in the long run. People need to hold themselves to a higher standard, both men and women.

No, this is all wrong. This idea makes men and women interchangable. They are not. Feminine attracts masculine and vice versa. A woman should not become the man she desires.

A woman who wants the pilot surgeon billionaire should not become one herself, instead she must ask herself, "What does a pilot surgeon billionaire want in a wife, and what do I bring to the table to fulfill what he wants and needs?" He does not want a female pilot surgeon billionaire as a wife, he wants an attractive loyal woman who will always be there when he gets home from flying all around the world, who is classy and well mannered so he can take her to events, who wants to raise his children and make a real home for him. And believes that it is an honor to do so. In fact, I think this is what you are getting at in your third paragraph, which is at odds with what I highlighted.

 

[TheFinalEpic]

No, this is all wrong. This idea makes men and women interchangable. They are not. Feminine attracts masculine and vice versa. A woman should not become the man she desires.

A woman who wants the pilot surgeon billionaire should not become one herself, instead she must ask herself, "What does a pilot surgeon billionaire want in a wife, and what do I bring to the table to fulfill what he wants and needs?" He does not want a female pilot surgeon billionaire as a wife, he wants an attractive loyal woman who will always be there when he gets home from flying all around the world, who is classy and well mannered so he can take her to events, who wants to raise his children and make a real home for him. And believes that it is an honor to do so. In fact, I think this is what you are getting at in your third paragraph, which is at odds with what I highlighted.

Well said, that's moreso what I was getting at - A woman that wants a high level man, must be a high level woman, and you're correct in saying that she would have to be ultimately feminine to match that.

 

[Waverer]

Duana Welch's excellent book Love Factually makes the same point. Whether male or female, write down all the things you desire in your potential mate - particularly the ones you won't compromise on - and then ask yourself honestly how many you possess yourself (or the equivalent).

 

[mubs100]

I'm at the point where I might just start asking the women I date what else they possibly could want in a man.

I've spent so much time and energy building myself into the kind of man who could create a loving home with a woman, and raise beautiful kids. I set myself to philosophical and spiritual development, I slave away at my business and save money, I take care of my body and grooming, and I devote myself to a range of passions, art and hobbies. I love almost everything about my life.

Yet women seem to be utterly uninterested. Some are even repelled by my self-discipline, financial resources, etc. And these are girls in their late 20's/early 30's who want kids and are looking for a "great guy." Well, here I am!

I do think a lot of what's happening here is what Roosh and others have written about for years: careers, unending social media validation, and the illusion of infinite time/optionality, colluding to remove incentives women have to settle down and have kids (and the beyond-perverse perception that women are somehow "oppressed" if they do this).

Of course, maybe I just have a boring personality, or horrific breath, or a facial deformity I'm unaware of, and that's my problem...

Hope you dont mind me being blunt but that is just my style of writing....

Women dont care about any of the things you mention you've worked on and cultivated, unless it improves your Game with them.

Game is as important as ever, one might even say it's the only thing that matters when it comes to success in relationships. Women dont care about money or status or anything cos they just want to evaluate a man on his personal skills. A woman would rate herself highly and be happier with herself if she like a guy for his personality than for his money. Good women look down on other women who go for superficial things in men, because they see that the most important thing in a man is his personality, so they want to look for that over all else. If you are putting other aspects (finances, career, slaving away etc) out there then you are giving them a chance to reject you and be proud that they did.

Game is mostly just interpersonal skills.

Most of Game is not even written about anywhere online, whats out there is just the tip of the iceberg. When a woman experiences real game and is involved and can feed off it for self-esteem then those 'lists' and abstract ideas and social constructs have no value because they are not personal and now she has something personal and real to work with.

Women dont know what they want they just have a vague idea and then there is lots of social ideas/trends/constructs that they personalise, but when they experience the real deal that stuff becomes meaningless because the girl knows she has something better than what anyone talks about and realizes shes special cos shes part of it and sees herself better than society because she has something no one talks about cos no one has experienced it.

Women dont know what they want until they experience it. How would they know otherwise?

 

[MajorStyles]

Duana Welch's excellent book Love Factually makes the same point. Whether male or female, write down all the things you desire in your potential mate - particularly the ones you won't compromise on - and then ask yourself honestly how many you possess yourself (or the equivalent).

Welch sounds like she's praying to the false God of socio-political equalism: perhaps she learned these theories at some MFT academic seminar. Inevitably though, it's akin to a military theory that, while looking good on a projector in the board room, will ultimately fail on the field of battle.

 

[Waverer]

Her whole book is (partly) a warning against assuming men and women desire the same things in one another. She even coins a phrase for this fallacy.

 

[animum-rege]

Hope you dont mind me being blunt but that is just my style of writing....

Women dont care about any of the things you mention you've worked on and cultivated, unless it improves your Game with them.

Game is as important as ever, one might even say it's the only thing that matters when it comes to success in relationships. Women dont care about money or status or anything cos they just want to evaluate a man on his personal skills. A woman would rate herself highly and be happier with herself if she like a guy for his personality than for his money. Good women look down on other women who go for superficial things in men, because they see that the most important thing in a man is his personality, so they want to look for that over all else. If you are putting other aspects (finances, career, slaving away etc) out there then you are giving them a chance to reject you and be proud that they did.

Game is mostly just interpersonal skills.

Most of Game is not even written about anywhere online, whats out there is just the tip of the iceberg. When a woman experiences real game and is involved and can feed off it for self-esteem then those 'lists' and abstract ideas and social constructs have no value because they are not personal and now she has something personal and real to work with.

Women dont know what they want they just have a vague idea and then there is lots of social ideas/trends/constructs that they personalise, but when they experience the real deal that stuff becomes meaningless because the girl knows she has something better than what anyone talks about and realizes shes special cos shes part of it and sees herself better than society because she has something no one talks about cos no one has experienced it.

Women dont know what they want until they experience it. How would they know otherwise?

The irony, my man, is that I used to sleep with a lot of women when I used game for casual sex. I still use “game” (eg being charming, playful teasing) to build attraction with women that I want to be with. I just don’t hold interest from the ones I like. And being an earnest provider type is a turnoff too, as we all know.

What a world. I just wanna have some kids, man

 

[Blade Runner]

Women don't know what they want, which is why the patriarchy is required to sustain a civilization. It's just another idea, in the less than ideal world called reality, that anyone with sense can see.

 

[mubs100]

The irony, my man, is that I used to sleep with a lot of women when I used game for casual sex. I still use “game” (eg being charming, playful teasing) to build attraction with women that I want to be with. I just don’t hold interest from the ones I like. And being an earnest provider type is a turnoff too, as we all know.

What a world. I just wanna have some kids, man

I hear you. I think the problem is "Game" was always seen as something to get quick sex, rather than to get longer-term relationships. It was always geared towards quick sex and then there are certain behaviours that are seen as negative because they dont apply to getting quick sex, but those behaviours can have more positive results for having good long-term relationships.

I think in Game you need to see the weaknesses/wants/desires of the woman you are interacting with to know how to give them what they want to get what you want. When you are putting your own stuff out there you are putting it there too see their reaction. You are saying this is what I'm about take it or leave it. If you put your money and success out there it may come out as that is a major thing for you and maybe they dont want to see that thing for the rest of their lifes as the primary thing.

I think there are women out there who want kids but the good ones are more selective about men, cos there is currently a disconnect in Society so the average man and average woman arent really on the same page and so women are rejecting more men. I think when you meet someone you need to figure out what she wants in life if you want to know how ready they are for that, or just let them know what you want and see how they react. But quality women for sure wont be 'impressed' by a good job, income or money, it is what it is.

 

[beaupre]

I don't trust any man who has cat as pet. The pairing comes off so wrong.

It's like a man with a purse.

And you'll catch brain disease.

You've heard this warning.

What!! Cats are great. And if you can figure out cats, you can figure out women.

I read about a hiring manager who'd sometimes favor candidates who owned cats. His reasoning was that, with a dog, you don't really have to do much to get its love. But if you can get a cat's affection, it means you've managed something more complex and may have the social skills to get along with different types of personalities in the workplace.

Cats can be very sweet pets. I love dogs too.

 

[BlastbeatCasanova]

What!! Cats are great. And if you can figure out cats, you can figure out women.

I read about a hiring manager who'd sometimes favor candidates who owned cats. His reasoning was that, with a dog, you don't really have to do much to get its love. But if you can get a cat's affection, it means you've managed something more complex and may have the social skills to get along with different types of personalities in the workplace.

Cats can be very sweet pets. I love dogs too.

I agree, I never understood the cat hate on this forum and or general. They are highly intelligent, sophisticated, clean, and aesthetic animals. Dogs are great as well but typically dogs will love you by default - developing a relationship with a cat takes time and work.

"And if you can figure out cats, you can figure out women." Said this before and it still rings true

 

[MiroKlose]

It is good that some women have insane dating standards. They are never gonna find any men. And it is good, it is just nature's (evolution's) way of saying that she is not fit for furthering her genes successfully!

 

[MichaelWitcoff]

Women dont care about any of the things you mention you've worked on and cultivated, unless it improves your Game with them.

I once dated a woman who had some doctor "boyfriend" in L.A paying her rent every month. At the time I was a pothead, and often an unemployed one. She called me once from his house asking me to be her boyfriend instead (I declined).

I no longer do the secular dating thing, but it remains true that a charismatic, fun personality will beat a guy who's "perfect on paper" - but boring - 100 times out of 100 (unless she's a gold-digger, in which case she'll divorce you and take the money she was after the whole time anyway). In an ideal world "game" wouldn't matter or be relevant, but if you choose to date - which is a CHOICE - then you'll have to learn how to be interpersonally effective if you're trying to date in the modern Western world.

I have friends from the Middle East who tell me what "dating" and marriage are like out there, and it's a completely different thing in the small religious communities from what those are here in America. Fathers basically "sell" their daughters by offering potential husbands a large dowry, and many people are married by their mid-teens. Ironically, arranged marriages tend to end up just as happy - or even happier - than free-choice "love" marriages.

Either way, it sounds like some guys here want a traditional relationship but they're taking that approach with secular women who want nothing more than "excitement." And you cannot have a traditional religious-style relationship with a secular woman.

 

[Easy_C]

It’s not the cats we hate.

Personally I’ve noticed that cat ownership is something that’s ubiquitous among weird, socially stunted, leftist nu-male types. “Gamers”, people obsessed with comic books and franchise movies, make feminists and the like seek to almost always have a cat.