Yes or No. In average - wives dictate the success of a marriage/husband-wife relationship.

[messaggera]

Yes or No.
In average - wives dictate the success of a marriage/husband-wife relationship.
Men and women are not created equal.

If historical and current scientific literature, in moral judgement, presents the female nature as using emotions and feelings to determine interpersonal relationships would this suggest wives ultimately dictate the husband and wife relationship?

If we look at human nature normal men make judgments based on a dualistic approach (right or wrong); as where women (on average) base judgements on feelings and emotions. Would this suggest feelings and emotions can be adjusted in order to shape the success of a marriage – the interpersonal relationship between husband and wife.

In marriage a wife also controls decisions on childbearing – dictating the number of children in a family (if course if it is God’s will).
Thoughts?

 

[Ah_Tibor]

I think if either party is emotionally checked out, the marriage probably isn't working well. I don't think only one can make it work on sheer force alone.

A lot of decisions probably depend on the couple. We have some friends where the wife *really* wants another baby. The husband does not want more than two. So they have two kids. (There's one example, lol)

 

[Thomas More]

A lot of previous red pill thought said that men had to show strength and leadership in marriage, and this would shape the wife's emotional state, and make her feel warm and loving toward him, and attracted sexually as well.

I think this is true, but I think your perspective is true as well. It is up to the wife to make a happy and loving home. Women have superior emotional understanding and ability to shape the relationship. If the wife won't make the effort to maintain a loving and harmonious relationship, the husband most likely won't know how to make things work without her lead. He has to make her want to do this by being strong, but he usually doesn't know how to actually achieve the loving and harmonious relationship on his own.

Both have to feel an obligation to do their part before God. Without this desire to do it for God's sake, they are too likely to be caught up in selfish responses that result in a cold and strained relationship at best.

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

Proverbs 12:4 – “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.”

 

[BlastbeatCasanova]

A little of both. I think the man has to set the tone and be striving in life. It's easy for men to get comfortable in a relationship when one's emotional and sexual needs are being met. Men need to be chasing goals, whether in their job, finances, fitness, etc. They need to be moving forward, leading from the front to continue lifting their wife and family up to be deserving of their wife's love and adoration. If the man is doing what he can, and the woman has a feminine and supportive nature, then I think things will be in balance and we working well. Disclaimer: I'm single and unmarried, I'm speaking from my past relationship experience as well as observing friend's/family member's marriages.

 

[Luna Novem]

I think there is way too much nuance in human relationship for this to be true. Even if you remove addictions or deeply wounded people from the equation.

 

[Despoina]

No.
Yes.

 

[ChristFollower1111]

I think the success of the relationship depends on both partners. They way in which it succeeds or fails could be gender specific though. For instance, women are more likely to get “bored” and men are more likely to cheat sexually, but I’m not even sure if that’s the case anymore since it seems a lot of women cheat nowadays too.

I would definitely think that historically, how many children a couple had would depend more on the man. Usually the man sets the pace of the sexual relationship and how often sex occurs. Women don’t initiate as much, but in a healthy marriage, they will usually agree to sex and that will depend on how often the husband wants it. If he has a lower sex drive, there will be less children. Before birth control, women didn’t have a lot of say in whether they got pregnant or not.

 

[ChristFollower1111]

I forgot to say, I do think nowadays it is the opposite since we have an inverted society. Women can control exactly when they get pregnant and even trick a man if they want. Therefore, women almost entirely control how many children there are.

 

[Starlight]

I think a wife only dictates the success of a marriage if the husband let’s her. How many times have we heard the phrase “she wears the pants” regarding someone’s marriage only to then see that same relationship deteriorate as the wife loses respect for her husband over time. If men tolerate bad behavior and allow their wives to be emotional and sporadic then that is how they will act. I hate to say it, but women (in general) will act as poorly as they’re allowed to which will, in turn, effect the success of a marriage.

 

[Pray_Everyday]

I think the success of the relationship depends on both partners. They way in which it succeeds or fails could be gender specific though. For instance, women are more likely to get “bored” and men are more likely to cheat sexually, but I’m not even sure if that’s the case anymore since it seems a lot of women cheat nowadays too.

I would definitely think that historically, how many children a couple had would depend more on the man. Usually the man sets the pace of the sexual relationship and how often sex occurs. Women don’t initiate as much, but in a healthy marriage, they will usually agree to sex and that will depend on how often the husband wants it. If he has a lower sex drive, there will be less children. Before birth control, women didn’t have a lot of say in whether they got pregnant or not.

From what I understand (from secular publications, so could be wrong), if it occurs, women cheat because they are bored and seeking an "emotional connection" whereas men are seeking sexual physical feelings. Of course, since it is from a secular publication or "research", I think it may actually may have a subversive intent almost to condone cheating or make it seem as inevitable. Infidelity, or sabotaging the marriage, is wrong regardless of how bored or sex-starved a person is.

Also, unpopular opinion, but the frequency of sex (and a man's higher sex drive) will not result in more children if the Lord does not will it. It is possible for a couple to try for a baby very often for a year and have no results, and then suddenly be fertile again (personal experience). The Lord closes and opens wombs.

I forgot to say, I do think nowadays it is the opposite since we have an inverted society. Women can control exactly when they get pregnant and even trick a man if they want. Therefore, women almost entirely control how many children there are.

In an unhealthy or secular relationship, yes. But a God fearing wife would not (should not?) trick her husband, who is the only person she should be sleeping with in the first place. Even more importantly, if she were to get pregnant she should definitely not get an abortion. So I guess I would say a Godly woman does not almost entirely have control over this, but secular women in upside down world might.

 

[messaggera]

The responses are really interesting to ponder over for some time.
Specifically enjoyed hearing a male's perspective on this and think the men have made great points.

Also @ChristFollower1111 and @Pray_Everyday both made an observation that I have seen in a few real life cases - where the wives married into wealth, had children, and fell into self idolisation resulting in an affair, then ending in divorces. However, these were secular relationships that were damaged by secular lifestyles.

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2: 3-5

Harsh, but truthful in some circumstances:

I think a wife only dictates the success of a marriage if the husband let’s her. How many times have we heard the phrase “she wears the pants” regarding someone’s marriage only to then see that same relationship deteriorate as the wife loses respect for her husband over time. If men tolerate bad behavior and allow their wives to be emotional and sporadic then that is how they will act. I hate to say it, but women (in general) will act as poorly as they’re allowed to which will, in turn, effect the success of a marriage.

 

[Sargon2112]

Either party can destroy a marriage own their own, but it takes effort from both to have a lasting marriage that flourishes.

Edited for clarity...

 

[typtre]

How do you measure success?

I fail to see how a wife using her emotions and feelings would result in something successful rather than manipulative. Women inherently lack the virtue of honor or pride in order to rule just and fair, and so a relationship that a woman dictates will only be as successful as it is beneficial to her.

 

[Atlas Shrugged]

No. Both parties play an equal part in different ways.

 

[messaggera]

How do you measure success?

I fail to see how a wife using her emotions and feelings would result in something successful rather than manipulative. Women inherently lack the virtue of honor or pride in order to rule just and fair, and so a relationship that a woman dictates will only be as successful as it is beneficial to her.

Agree. You make a strong argument.
Success defined in terms when the outcomes result in placing Christ in the center of the marriage:

it is revealed through Scripture and Tradition, that obedience is actually a catalyst for Christian perfection—that is, obedience, submission, actually helps to speed the process of the struggle to acquire virtue in our lives. On the other hand, self-will greatly increases the passion of pride and eventually alienates an individual from a Christian way of thinking and living. [quote link]​

The only rebuttal would be to say, "a true Christian woman who is obedient to the Scriptures will recognise the importance to not fall victim to her emotions/feelings (self-will).

I have an perfect example to support your argument, "a relationship that a woman dictates will only be as successful as it is beneficial to her," Amanda Heard.

 

[typtre]

Success defined in terms when the outcomes result in placing Christ in the center of the marriage:

The only rebuttal would be to say, "a true Christian woman who is obedient to the Scriptures will recognise the importance to not fall victim to her emotions/feelings (self-will).

I would say a woman should first and foremost put her man in the center of the marriage and not Christ (just as she should put her father in the center of her non-married life, as the patriarch). A man on the other hand should put Christ in the center of the marriage as his patriarch. In this way, the man by his God given ability to reason can guide and protect the woman from falling victim to her own emotions or self-will as you put it. A womans feelings can course correct a marriage, but not dictate it.

This is the burden of man because if he strays from Christ then so does the woman and both may pay for it down the road.

We can see in secular marriages, or failed marriages, for example where woman after birth puts the child in the center of the marriage instead of the husband (for various reasons) and it all goes downhill from there.

This is my understanding of what dictates a successful marriage, in very simple terms. Easier said than done, of course.

I have an perfect example to support your argument, "a relationship that a woman dictates will only be as successful as it is beneficial to her," Amanda Heard.

I do not think I recognize that name, but there are plenty of examples.

 

[messaggera]

Let me preface with saying any arguments I am to make are not dictations on how individuals should choose to live his or her life.
But, rather a proposed view to ponder for approaching life differently.

I would say a woman should first and foremost put her man in the center of the marriage and not Christ

With this quoted statement, you have made, the discussion has removed God from an individual's purpose in life and replaced it with a "worldview."

It is far easier to make an argument based on the spiritual variables, but let us see if we can come to an agreement once identifying some of the imperfections of this quoted statement. I am going to remove the spiritual and physical variables, and focus on the mental aspect. Mental because emotions/feelings are cognitive. And because emotions and feelings are cognitive there is the opportunity for neuroplasticity.

I think we have to answer these questions first:

• What is the difference between a man placing his "woman on a pedestal," and a wife "placing her husband in the center of marriage"
• Yes or no, if a woman can not take care of herself (due to temporarily emotional retardation / immaturity) should she marry? Should she have children?
• What is a successful worldview substitution to Christ's commandments?

As previously stated it is easier to argue with spiritual variables. A woman who places (believes, and obeys) Christ first in life has taken care of herself to the extent she is cable of being a wife, rather a child, who is to help her husband with his salvation.

I do not think I recognize that name, but there are plenty of examples.

Amanda Heard (Depp) exhibits emotional retardation / emotional immaturity, and because of this she dictated the failure of her marriage / husband - wife relationship.

 

[typtre]

Let me preface with saying any arguments I am to make are not dictations on how individuals should choose to live his or her life.
But, rather a proposed view to ponder for approaching life differently.

Certainly.

With this quoted statement, you have made, the discussion has removed God from an individual's purpose in life and replaced it with a "worldview."

Let me clarify this before we go any further, because I certainly did not remove God from the individual's purpose.

As you said, men and women are not created equal.
Do we then agree the hierarchy is God - Man - Woman (- Child)?

If the man puts the woman on a pedestal, the hierarchy becomes Woman - Man - God, or Woman - God - Man depending on how lovestruck he is. The woman then dictate the marriage. This is unsuccessful, right? This is getting us kicked out of Eden.

If both man and woman puts Christ in the center then who is the leader of the family? Christ? This is chaos! No one is in control of the ship.

If man puts Christ in the center of the marriage he is serving Christ. Thus a woman putting her man in the center of the marriage is serving Christ by serving her man. The hierarchy is still God - Man - Woman. By doing this the man can focus on leading the family as he sees fit while following the path of Christ.

This does not mean she should trust him over Christ when he offers her an apple, but as long as he stays on the path of Christ then she should stay on the path of her man. And correct him if he strays.

Does this make sense?

Amanda Heard (Depp) exhibits emotional retardation / emotional immaturity, and because of this she dictated the failure of her marriage / husband - wife relationship.

I see.
Then I will give you the Prince Harry and Megan Mahrkle as an example of a failed successful marriage on the other end of the spectrum

 

[Starlight]

Certainly.

Let me clarify this before we go any further, because I certainly did not remove God from the individual's purpose.

As you said, men and women are not created equal.
Do we then agree the hierarchy is God - Man - Woman (- Child)?

If the man puts the woman on a pedestal, the hierarchy becomes Woman - Man - God, or Woman - God - Man depending on how lovestruck he is. The woman then dictate the marriage. This is unsuccessful, right? This is getting us kicked out of Eden.

If both man and woman puts Christ in the center then who is the leader of the family? Christ? This is chaos! No one is in control of the ship.

If man puts Christ in the center of the marriage he is serving Christ. Thus a woman putting her man in the center of the marriage is serving Christ by serving her man. The hierarchy is still God - Man - Woman. By doing this the man can focus on leading the family as he sees fit while following the path of Christ.

This does not mean she should trust him over Christ when he offers her an apple, but as long as he stays on the path of Christ then she should stay on the path of her man. And correct him if he strays.

Does this make sense?


I see.
Then I will give you the Prince Harry and Megan Mahrkle as an example of a failed successful marriage on the other end of the spectrum

I see what you mean and God should always be the center. I’ve seen it diagramed as concentric circles with God in the very middle then Man, then Woman, then children, etc. Another good analogy is the feudal hierarchy. You have the King (God), the Duke (Man), and the servant (Woman). (I’m being overly simplistic for clarity and brevity). Yes, the servant serves the Duke and the Duke serves the King but the King is still the King. If the Duke becomes a traitor to the King, the servant is still obligated to follow the King’s law or become a traitor as well.

Amanda Heard (Depp) exhibits emotional retardation / emotional immaturity, and because of this she dictated the failure of her marriage / husband - wife relationship.

I think you meant Amber Heard. She cut off one of Depp’s fingers with a kitchen knife!