You clearly have some kind of standards or assumptions here on what is appropriate in the marriage bedroom. I don't disagree with your statement, but I do question what this standard is. What is out of bounds as a married couple sexually?
Well, I think that body parts that God designed for a specific reason should not be used for what is almost literally the opposite...
Especially if there is conclusive "proof" that said acts lead to disease or worsened bodily - not just spiritual- health (Yes, even in marriage, I'm not speaking merely of veneral diseases here).
Bible verses that have to do with not defiling the temple of God would be relevant here like 2Cor7:1 (Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthyness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God); 1Cor3:16-17 (Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile te temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.)
Hebrews 13:4 (Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled
: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge) has been used by some to suggest all acts are permissible in marriage, while others have used it to suggest marital acts should only occur on a bed
. Sometimes its important to pray on it and realize if one is using a verse to permit behavior that one knows, deep down, is sinful.
In our case, my husband and I have very strong convinctions about not engaging in the kind of marital behaviors that people "of the world" promote and consider acceptable. If anyone else is strongly convicted otherwise that person would not feel any judgment at all from anyone saying otherwise...
I'm asking because there are many wives who think limp, missionary, starfish, duty sex is the only thing permissible in God's eyes, even in marriage, and they of course don't like it much. Its certainly a continuum and I wouldn't be quick to judge here.
The word "cheerful" in cheerfully available
is important here. I definitely don't believe that the wife is being respectful to her husband if she puts on a long face and makes it clear to her husband that she is unhappy/miserable during the act. At the same time, I don't believe the wife should be obligated to "enjoy it", especially if there is a difference in sex drives. Similar to how a wife may still be expected to put breakfast on the table even though she herself doesn't eat a meal until lunch, and there should be no negative attitude from her regarding this.
There is definitely a continuum, agree.
Also, i hope you meant "dead fish" sex - "starfish"
sex is definitely impermissible (see first point above, apologies to everyone ahead of time).
The Bible makes it clear that our bodies are not our own, but does not specify a lot of detail in the other direction.
I Cor 7:4 (the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife) is important here, because I've seen men use it to argue that the wife's body is the husband's, while completely ignoring the second half of the verse.
Of course not, in public. My point was that a wife should be *modest* outside the home, but often *immodest* inside, in private with her husband. She should understand what her husband likes for "dates" and wear those outfits, in private for his eyes only.
I apologize, in your original post the use of the word "dates" seemed to imply going out in public wearing revealing outfits.
And I think a wife can have a ton of fun being sexy for her husband in many ways. Doesn't a wife want to be physically desired by her husband, even after years of marriage? I sure hope so.
I'd like to preface this by saying that I am not trying to make any assumptions on you, your wife, or anyone else:
Anyway, my husband and I have had this discussion, and what matters the most to him physically is that his wife does not lose her figure. I definitely want to continue to be desired by my husband, and he has indicated to me that what he desires is a thin, in shape woman. No amount of "dressing it up" will hide an out--of-shape body, and he's not interested in any adornments. Like I said before, for some it may be a personal preference.
I agree that it's "natural" to test authority - to find the boundaries and limits - but I disagree that it's a good thing. The Israelites tested God in the wilderness, and it didn't turn out so well for them. There are a lot of "steady" or "nice guy" type husbands that simply do not assert their authority and will always seek to please their wives first. This can be a huge challenge for wives who actually want their husbands to be more dominant and make decisions. But to intentionally test him is not good. Rather, she should seek to figure out his will and submit, even before he demands or needs to "put his foot down".
I agree with you on this.
It's especially challenging if the relationship started out as a secular one (I know we're not supposed to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, but the past is the past), and there's a lot of "unlearning" to do. If both spouses are committed to God and the relationship then it is possible to turn it around and have a strong Christian marriage.