I AM incredibly particular about everything I wear - but I wear things that I find "pretty" or "beautiful" or "cute" and not things that are made specifically to be "sexy."
Being particular about what you wear means you are extremely sensitive to how you come across to others, husband included. That in itself is not a bad thing, but it can become unhealthy when you become really self-conscious and care too much.
For wives, I think the trick is actually caring less about how you *think* you look and dress for your husband's preference. That's what I'm asking, on behalf of my married brothers. Since you know husbands are SO visually-oriented, you must realize that being fat, for instance, is a much bigger issue for a wife than merely health.
So many wives assume that because she thinks something is attractive on her (or another woman) her husband will automatically like it. I can't tell you how false this can be.
Those things were adopted for widespread use from the adult entertainment/sex work marketing department.
Clothing in itself is not impure, it's how it's used and interpreted. We use it to judge others (like in James) and to appear better than others, and to lead others into sin. It's really kind of a mess, and the amount of time and money we spend on clothing is crazy.
But clothing can also be put to holy uses, just as a camera can. It's not the tool that's at fault, but the humans using the tool. I'm advocating for every wife to use clothing as a tool, to "tempt" her husband into bed often, because you're the only woman he's allowed to have.
But it is not at all immodest to be undressed to any degree in front of my husband only.
But I find it distasteful, and I absolutely feel a need to clarify to other women that just because something pleases your husband, does NOT mean it necessarily pleases God for you to go along with it.
Agree on both counts. However, I'd like to add: just because a wife is *uncomfortable* with an outfit does not mean her husband's preference is sinful. It's an issue to work out together, to understand each other. Married sex is a wonderful thing because the more we seek to please our spouse, the more we please ourselves. The more selfish we are about our own needs and wants, the less we get in return.
Basically my rule of thumb for what is acceptable involves asking myself: "would I be embarrassed if my teenage son found this accidentally dropped on the laundry room floor?"
I don't think that's a good rule of thumb. Just because you're embarrassed if someone knew you wore something doesn't mean it's wrong for you to wear it for your husband's eyes only.
I think a better rule is: If my husband saw me in this, would his mouth drop open and his eyes get really big? Leave the rest to sort itself out.
Here is something that I would consider completely immodest to wear in public.
Other than the empire waist (which I can't stand) that's exactly the kind of outfits I like my wife in. It would have to be more modest for public, of course.
Some of her private "date" outfits are a bit more skimpy, but nothing like the second set of pictures. But honestly I see nothing wrong with either set, it's just that I don't happen to like them (they are too close to nudity).
wealth never crossed my mind
I do not doubt you, but I do challenge you to think about why women are attracted to men, and why their clothing matters at all. It may take years to figure this out, and I'm still working on it, but the answers may surprise you. It goes beyond "that looks nice".
Women are attracted to wealth, status, and competence. Or so I've read. How this works out with clothing and cars I don't know, but I suspect what I wrote before - a man wearing an expensive, tailored suit is signaling his wealth or status, and it can be very immodest and lead women into temptation, exactly like the "rich man" in James (chapter 4 I think) and Pharisees in "flowing robes" who faked being a member of the wealthy class with their clothing.